I thought the people here were kind of wacky. I had an oversimplified view of the concepts and thought people here believed in preserving the marital union, no matter what. I soon came to understand, though, that the goal is happy, successful, fulfilling marriages, and there really is no expectation that you stay in a horrible marriage. MB just proposes programs that will increase your chances of achieving the goal. But the program is no guarantee and doesn't claim to be.

I still believe that some people are just plain jerks and no one should be expected to be yoked to them in marriage, and no program in the world will help.

I started searching for help the same day that I found out. AFTER I read every single article on the main site I posted.

I was broken and in total shock. I couldn't think straight and blamed myself. Right away I got responses from Mel, BobPUre, AW, A2, weaver and b and jelly and RIF and Orchid. And too many others to list.Assuring me I wasn't nuts <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> And more important that I was NOT alone.

I couldn't believe the dedication and the knowledge that the vets showed. I was so ALONE IRL. It was ALL lose the bum.

And I learned. STILL learning like crazy. I did NOT agree with al the MB principles and fought them often. But, slowly came to realize it is a package deal. NOt a pick and choose kind of thing.

I can't IMAGINE surviving without this place. THe number of times that MB and MB friends have literally saved my life and my sanity keep me here. Reading and learning and GROWING. I can FEEL the love and concern from the people here. Sometimes more than IRL.

IMHO, MB principles should be a prerequisite to ANY M.

I found SI first but was turned off by what I perceived to be only constant venting there with no real advice as far as how to recover a marriage.

I still have my post D-Day journal in which I wrote about how I had found MB that day and was so relieved! I had found a website where people were positive and passionate about saving marriages.

I count myself as one of the lucky ones who recovered a marriage.

I read everything here I could find, I read HNHN, LB, SAA, After the Affair (I know - not a Harley book but a good one all the same), went to IC, went to MC. Lurked here A LOT, posted a little. Got great advice.

You folks were and still are an answer to prayer.

I found this site about 3 weeks after dday. At that point I didn't trust anyone. During the first two days of posting here I was told to call Steve H. I didn't trust anyone (thanks wife) and thought that the posters here were on Steve's staff trying to get more business for him. These people wouldn't still be around helping others - no way.

I was so wrong and thanks to all that helped me.

***good topic B****

edited to add that I felt the same way about Pep, Mel and WAT. They all have kicked my a55 when I needed it. Thanks

M2L:

I think about that connection as well, I have recommended so many times to have posters "BUY THE BOOKS", that they may think I am on commission from the Harleys.

Every nickel I can raise for the Harley's is money well spent. Thier advice and this website need that support to continue.

I agree, I called Steve 2x myself and have many of the books also. Best $ I have ever spent hands down!!!

What did I think?

Initially...TG! I am not alone anymore.

Of course, I was a dunderhead at first and thought my case was "special".

Once I realized that no matter what, the route to fixing my M was the same as everyone else's, I was on my way....

And the day I channeled Mel and Pep and put my foot down for me and my family was the day that changed our lives.

I will always be beholden to the MB angels here.

- Kimmy

I came here several months post d-day. I'd read some of the stuff on the site, but not read the forums. Used the concepts of plan A, LB, EN's, etc... during our marriage counseling because they made sense and applied. Our MC wasn't MB oriented...but was a lot moreso after my showing him this site.

This site helped me understand why everything happened the way that they did, and why it took me so long to start my own personal recovery.

I had been going to another site for a few more months, but the flames and attacks on that site were horrific...I was very impressed by the understanding and caring by the members of this forum...and the knowledge that they all shared.

if this is true, I want my commission right this minute

RETROACTIVE from 2000

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

When I first saw the banner at the side of the page with all of the "fog talk" every WS uses, I said to myself, "Self, somebody here has been listening to your phone calls."

By the time I'd read the basic concepts and a few articles, I was beginning to form a plan and saw some hope where none had been a few days before.

I read and lurked here for a while and finally posted, mainly to vent some of what I was feeling. The help was nice, but just "saying" what I was feeling and getting it off my chest was the biggest help. The fact that my pastor knew Dr Harley made the acceptance of some of it easier than for many.

I also realized that I was here because I was NOT the expert on this and every other site I'd visited had talked about what to do after an A and what to look for in a MC and what to do to protect yourself legally....This was the only place where I saw a list of things I could do to stop the bleeding and bring the A to an end.

I don't know if this site saved my marriage, but it sure saved my sanity. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Mark

Let me check my Powerball ticket. If I won, I'm mailing checks to all of you.

Pep, can't see your bad eyes behind your shades!!!

I was in total chaos when I first came here on dday. I felt enormous relief that I wasn't alone and that many people here seemed to know exactly what to do VERY CALMLY. I read everything on the website befoe I ventured into the forum and understood how it worked.

I remember Starfish giving me a huge push those days...

That WS and FWS were all a bunch of sniveling whiners. So, now I know some few FWS aren't...

Oh, and it was hard to get anyone's attention. I had to agree to clean Pep's and Believers houses first.

ha ha aph...

good one

I found MB about 3 or 4 weeks after D-Day, started posting right after Christmas. Showed the site to my wife, and we did some of the questionairres.

My wife also posted on here for a bit, but she started posting while she was with the OM on her 2nd trip, and got handled like any active WS posting her. Didn't fly well with her, so she left the forums.

My intial thought was that some of these people were....a tad extreme, in their approach <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> One poster (UVA...don't know if he's still around or not) told me to grow a pair...which at the time I thought was rather insensitive. (I now know that it wasn't).

So I had mixed reactions and thoughts. Overall though, the things people told me made sense. And, for me at least, the biggest thing was people's willigness to help me even though it took repeated 2x4s to get the message through my thick skull <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

MB at the very least has given me the skills to regain my sanity...even if I don't regain my marriage.

When I first came here I thought people who lived in Texas were normal like everyone else...

NOW I know differently
and have seen clearly the error of my thoughts....

ARK^^

I'm getting my coffee, this is going to be good!!

finally, you have come to accept how special we Texas gals are! **snort** <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I thought it was a wonderful place to come and get slammed when I was acting like an idiot that thought his ****** didn't stink becuase my FWW had an A.

The sight actually helped me gather my sanity.

To be honest I made more progress in the 6 months after I started here then I did in the previous 2 and a half years after her A with 2 MC's and thousands of dollars.

Heck our Last MC told us he didn't really need to see us anymore.

Why is that EVERY THREAD has to end up with a TEXAS-JACK? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Can't somebody from Rhode Island set them texans straight? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />