Well, my WH confessed (w/o prodding) that he and OW had sex once on her boss's desk on a Saturday that he was working for someone else. She showed up (uninvited, so he says) and "gave" herself to him. This was AFTER I busted their EA in March; we were in marriage counselling at the time.

He admitted that he never really broke contact with her and that they'd been exchanging risque chats all but the last three weeks he was in Qatar. They had no contact (after that) up until around the first of the year when they "ran into" each other at work and things started up again. He came to me and admitted this all to me, quit his job (today's his last day), and now our house is on the market.

He woke up this morning crying because he had a bad dream that her cancer came back and she was dying. I was silent, then went and hugged him later and told him everything would be alright. Later, I told him that SHE was MY cancer...LB I know.

Sorry for the ramble, but I had to let it out.

I'm so sorry. I'm glad that he confessed the truth, a silver lining on the poo. Don't despair, you're doing OK, I'm proud of you that you were able to tell him it's going to be alright. She is your cancer, so that was RH.

Thank you for your response; I'm having a difficult time absorbing all of this. I didn't react emotionally when he confessed, but it's coming on now.

btw, he did send her a no contact letter on Friday. She contacted him on Monday via work method and said she got it. He printed the whole exchange between them. I thanked him for his honesty and asked that he not correspond with her for any reason. Tuesday, he e-mailed me from work saying he was having a hard time resisting temptation.

That day was horrible. I don't know if he gave in.

Well I don't really know if it was all a lie or not. Yet another example of why NC is so critical. Quitting job? Selling house? Sounds like he is very serious about the M.

I agree with Pio. Be gentle on yourself. Of course it hurts.

Well, he was honest (finally). I wonder why he decided to confess? It's good that he is quitting his job, and you are selling your home, but still very hurtful for the family to make sacrifices.

He said he knew if he didn't get away from her, he couldn't stop. He said she was like crack and he was addicted. It's hard knowing that your mate wishes he could be with someone else. WH keeps saying he couldn't leave our DD4. He says he never stopped loving me.

We had been planning on moving anyways, but he was going to keep his job until the house sold. I'm glad he didn't.

Thank you all for your messages of Hope; I need them more than ever.

The next few months are going to be very difficult. Lean on us. It is good that you are comforting and supporting your hubby - you are doing better than I did. I told mine not to expect me to feel sorry for the mess he got himself in.

Of course, I'm divorced.

Just realizing that he is addicted is huge. I have a lot of hope for your marriage. Keep posting, and we will prop you up.

You are missing your own point. You just said it is like an addiction - she was like crack. It was never her he wanted to be with - it was the affair. That will die in time - a few short months. It is you he wants to be with or he would be filing for divorce.

first, I am very sorry for your pain!!!


to me, this is huge. he came to you. what an opportunity.
no?

why did you say it was a terrible day?

may i ask, what was your response to his email? how come
you don't know if he ever gave in, didn't you check in with him that evening.

maybe i am missing something?

believer,

maybe that is the part i am missing. the desire to respond to a WS the way you did. that is pretty much how my DH has been. any pain i feel regarding all that I did is mine to deal with, i can NOT go to him with it.

i just wanted to follow up to say...

i can understand a BS reacting that way, but what a gift a BS can give to the FWS (and the marriage) if they were able to react a different way...

Be sure to take care of yourself. I agree with the others--him admitting the addiction and wanting to do something about it is big.

My reaction to his e-mail about the temptation was to thank him for being open with me even though it hurt. Deception was much worse than the truth.

I also thanked him for sharing his dream about her this morning. I did later apologize for not being more sympathetic.

I told him that we were both probably experiencing about the same level of pain. He's in a whirlwind of things (quiting the job, quiting her, and the move). Not knowing what's to come of us. He doesn't have the gift of faith (yet) to realize that we'll be ok. I told him that my faith is what carried me through the past year and that I know I'LL be ok.

When he confessed, I told him that he was taking the first step to becoming the MAN that I fell in love with. I also told him that my imagination was much worse than what he told me.

I was quite relieved when he confessed. I know that withdrawal is hard and I need to realize this is only temporary and how I handle it will be a huge factor in long term recovery.

Do you have a place to move? Will he be able to get a new job soon?

We're looking at moving to Tennessee. We both have retirement income from military and can sustain our present location for a while. We may start home business once we move, but not necessary at this point.

Something else I told him. I reminded him of his statement, after the confession, that he was surprised that I was still here. I asked him if he would desert our DS10 if HE were strung out on crack. Another LB.

Any predictions???

How long withdrawal will last? I told him three weeks intense, but not sure after that. He said probably a year.