W came by with son to pick up clothes and toys for her appt. She actually stayed a good while. Conversation was pleasant and she wants to have a BDay party at the house in two weeks for son. Also is coming home Saturday for neighbors BDay party and is supposed to come to the neighborhood party at the towns Mardi gras parade after. This is the neighborhood that she hates along with the H she hates. I asked her if I could see my son Thursday and she said she would stop by for a little while.

Now she did make one angry remark when she left about me notifying her school of the A. She wants it to be clear that she hates me even though she will be coming around allot the next few weeks.

Don't know what to make of it, but it seemed like a little bit of progress.

I'm coming down a little bit from the absolute horror of the weekend. Allot of bad stuff happening in short period of time really messed me up.

I'm back in a better frame of mind. I noticed tonight that I'm happy when she is home even if she hates me.

I'm waiting for the SAA book to come in this week and I'm thinking I need to give Plan A a try for a while. I could use some advice for setting the boundaries. Are there some boundaries I should absolutely live by? What are some that are the most helpful? Advice is welcomed

Thanks

Sounds like you are doing very well. You got through the exposure part, and that is usually very hard.

Your feeling that you might be better off without her is normal too. But we always suggest that you try your best so that when you look back in 5 years, you won't have anything to regret.

Some examples of boundaries are no communicating with the OM in the marital home. If she crosses that boundary, turn off her cell phone, block the OM's number from your land line, or get a software program to block access to certain websites. Don't babysit the kids so she can hand out with OM. If she wants to go out, it cannot be with OM. Otherwise, you don't watch the kids anymore. Make plans yourself and stick her with the kids. Don't pay for everything and take care of everything. She needs to pull her own weight.

Other advice I would give you is to call up SH for a plan. If you cannot afford the $185 for a phone session, call up Dr. Harley's radio show at 11am CST. He'll talk to you up to 30 minutes and it's free. Get a plan, and stick to it.

Hey Cajun,

You said that if it can be reconciled then you would be glad to have her back. Sounds like you have an interest in doing so, so...do it!

I've read this thread all the way through, and yes, as they mentioned to you about mine: You will hear pure hate-talk when you expose. I followed the program here to the T, I exposed in a chain THEN confronted. Everything happened as predicted, it sucks (still). I suspect it will for a bit longer. (The whole situation will suck for a long time, the after-exposure vitriol will only present new types of "this sucks" for a bit)

I have never SO INTENTLY studied a subject as much as I have studied marriage, infidelity, and marriage recovery in all of my life. I've read multiple forums, sites, and books in the short time this absolute tragedy has occurred to me.

I can tell you this: Your WW is acting just like...a WW. She is not herself right now. You are not yourself right now either. Time to be him again, and more. It's time to bust out the new model of the 2007 Cajun Deluxe. Plan A at it's finest is more about you than anything else.

Here's reality in my world: NO PERSON in a marriage/long term relationship ever needs space/time/separation (short of very few variables) unless there is someone else in the picture. Or the possibility of one. This is now fact to you, let's move on to the HIGH probability that your WW has now had sex with this OM. Errr, let's put that as fact instead of high probability.

My favorite saying here is: What is her strength? Look at what her actions are, what she says to you. Where is she drawing her strength from? Make her strengths your own.

You don't NEED her, she is a preference.

You will make it, she sure as ****** acts like she will. So will you.

You will be happy, even while this going on, you will laugh. She is.

You will survive this. Fear is the enemy. She has no fear (at the moment, in this Affair land that will undoubtedly change). So, why do you have fear?

Say to yourself the following:

I will make it. I am a better man than him. I love my wife. I have no fear. This is not the end of anything, it's the beginning of something new no matter where the road takes me.

Strength, confidence = Power.

God bless, I'll be watching, praying and hoping for you. You can save your marriage, I believe it.

beautiful Jaybean... just beautiful.

Still

Thanks for the word Jaybean and everybody else too. I have been doing exactly what Jaybean stated and it may already be making a difference. I talked to her sister and although she could be lying to her too I was told that they are still talking, but not about the future. I have gotten feedback from other friends as well that are telling me the pressure is getting to her and I think the exposure at work really gave her a realty check. She with out a doubt hates me right now ( left me a very nasty voice mail about taking my name off of the cell phone so I can't snoop. Sent an email saying I wouldn't do it and gave her a run down of what I was doing, what I wanted, what my boundaries were, and how I felt. can't wait to see how she reacts to it.) I also noticed its him doing most of the calling now and not her.

Could mean something / could mean nothing

I also stated in the email that I was working on myself and what part I had in the love loss. I told her I wasn't trying to be the man she wants, but a better man than I was and the man that I want to be and I hoped she would fall in love with that man.

I've lost 30 lbs and have been weight lifting for the past 2 months. I bought new clothes, started wearing cologne, grew out the sideburns a little bit, and now that she is gone I'm going to give the house one he77 of a cleaning.

I feel like I am gaining the advantage in the confidence arena. I survived her moving out this weekend and I am feeling very strong right now.

I hope it keeps up because I'm starting to put together a pretty serious Plan A.

Thanks for everything. SAA book should arrive in next few days.

Hi, Cajun...I've been following first out of pure curious for your name...LOL...being from South LA myself...

I was tickled at what Saban's comment was about [censored]$$...LMAO...

ANyway, I haven't said anything because you are getting excellent advise...

anyway, I'm tagging along...thinking and praying for you...

Take care...I'm here for you...

((((Cajun))))

Didn't catch Saban's comment. Not keeping up with the news much these days.

But, Saban's a dirty word and I can't believe the censors didn't catch it. They need to pay better attention. LOL

Thanks for the kind words. Today absolutely stinks, but we're having a big neighborhood party at the Youngsville parade Saturday so at least I have something to look foward to.

Talk to yall later

Lache Pas La Patat (Don't drop the potato)
(Old Cajun saying that means don't give up)

LOL...I'm right don't the road from you...Houma...I've got a few friends and relatives in the surrounding area and a good customer on young st. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm wishing you the best with your sitch...

As far as LSU...I bleed purple and gold...I've the LSU news sent to my cell...Horrible huh? LMAO

I don't watch the news often...too negative...just the weather from time to time...

Oh, you guys have AN AWESOME july 4th fireworks display, I think or was it NEw year's? I think it was NEW Year's...

Right there off the road...amazing...the kids so enjoyed it...

Hu, that's a new saying to me! LOL...I tell the kids to hurry up, come see, sit down, let's go, and a few other things in french...what little I know I try to past on...my youngest, L, is good at repeating it back...LMAO...and knows not to repeat the bad words I say...LMAO

(((((((Cajun)))))

I'm sorry that today sucks for you...you are loved! I hope that something special happens to you today! Take care of yourself, the best that you can! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Actually, I'm from Houma too and I am 31 so we probably know each other or have friends in common. Don't know if we should go there. The curiosity will probably kill you though.

All I will say for now is that I grew up in the Coteau - Bayou Blue area and went to public school.

Nice to know somebody from the neighborhood. Take care

OMG, I grew up on Coteau and we can leave it at that...I think it's best for the time being...

I graduate from HL...that's all I'm going to say...

Perhaps in the future, when things are going better for you...I'm in a good place with my M, H, and Kids...but feel free to shout at me anything...I will do the best that I can...and if I can't, I know that you will be taken care of here...

One thing regardless of the outcome...YOU will BE OKAY! I look forward to chatting with you in the future... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Worlds to small sometimes. I definately went to Coteau with you, but went to Tbonne after. So I know what side of coteau you're from. I can't figure out who you are and I won't dig so we'll leave it alone. Thanks for your encouragement and it would be cool to find out who you are later on when things are better.

Take care and never stop living for your H and Kids.

I look forward to it...

How's you're day? How are you feeling? Any better?

I'm doing alright. I have my son tonight and we always eat at Sicily's on Wed afternoons. I'm getting ready to leave to get him from day care. I know he's ready to come home b/c he hates mommy's appt. I'd be lying if I didn't say there's some satisfaction in that. It's forcing her to own her choices, although I hate the pain it is putting our son through. That's one of the biggest problems with me dealing with this. It is common in A's the WS ignoring the children or not wanting to be with them because they aren't part of the fantasy. That hurts as much as the rejection. She never checks up on him or tries to see him when I have him. I can't go more than 2 days without seeing him and she often goes 4 or 5 without even a phone call.

Enough venting. Too toxic.

I'm going to see my boy.

Talk to you later

Sadly, yes, it is all to common...

I can go for several days when my boys are gone and sometimes they are gone for a few months...but that's to their grandma's (Winnfield)...but I know that they are taken care of and if there was a problem..she would call...I know that'sdifferent from the WS...it's not because they know their children are being taken care of...

It'splain selfishness...

I know that you will enjoy your time with him...how old is he? I think I may have missed that...

Enjoy the buffet...

He'll be 3 in a couple weeks. I filled out a bio, but it doesn't post. How do you do that?

We had our usual Wed night. Had fun at Sicily's and then to Albertson's for some groceries. I bought him a spider man valentines day balloon. He's sleeping with it right now.

Later

How cute!

You have to put the important stuff in your sig line...bio doesn't appear for whatever reason...

Glad you had a great time...what an age? Too cute!

L's four and he cuts up so much...I never know what to expect out of his mouth...that's going to get him in trouble ALOT!

Testing My Sig Line

Good Job!

Ouch, D-day that is! I'm so sorry that things played out for you that way!

thinking of you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

OK, I need support and advice.

Too much has happened in the last week and it's getting the best of me. I'm on the verge of tears. I exposed her Fri. so she is in the I hate your ever loving guts right now mode. She moved out over the weekend. Now, looking at her cell phone minutes it would appear that she met with him last night. She talks with him nightly for hours. Last night she made one 3 minute phone call at 7:15 and nothing for the rest of the evening. It was valentines day and her emotions over the previous weeks events make her a prime cadidate for his advances. I'm now having to deal with the EA turning into PA.

Do I even bother confronting her about last night? Is it worth it?

The SAA book needs to show up quick. I still don't know if I can tolerate a PA. Even with a strong Plan A I am feeling like a chump for sticking around why she does this.

I'm staying strong, but the pain is as bad now as its ever been.

I do have a lot of good stuff planned for the next few weeks. I pray to God it sooths the pain.

Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks