I am new to this site but was hoping to find a little support in this difficult time. I have been married almost three years and have a beutiful 6 month old son. I recently found out about my W's Affair. I am crushed beyond words. I think the reason it hurts so much is that my current wife is the one who helped me as a friend when my first wife had an affair resulting in a child that I thought was mine for almost 2 years. I have been reading all of the information that I can to try to pick up the pieces and move on but on question haunts me.

What am I doing to cause this to happen. It is easy to read that it isn't you but if I have had two seperate women do the same thing what am I doing? I have always been a lost romantic, I make it a point to show my family that I love them everyday. I know that my current situation has a lot to do with me being gone for a year. I am serving in Afghanistan and will get to go home in April. Even though I am here it is only because we both decided for me to take this job. When I first got here she praised me and kept steady contact saying that she appreciated the sacrifices I was making for our soon to be family. Eventually she said the pain of seperation was so bad that she cut me out of her daily routines to ease the pain. Next came the OP, an old boyfriend who started to fill her head with doubts. Things like, "I would ever leave you and if he loved you he wouldn't have left." The exact opposite is the truth....I came over here so we could afford her to be out of work and not have to dump our son in daycare as soon as she was out of the hospital. For whatever reason, our conversations on the phone became short and formal....nor more praise, no more intimate conversation. I tried harder to keep contact, but the more I tried the more she seemed to pull away. Now I am left with a wife who is confused, but agreed to stop her relationship. She is in her withdrawl stage and still craves his attention. I am not there to help her in person and I am losing my mind being so far away and helpless. Like I stated at the top...I just want some support and maybe someone who has come back from the he** I am in now to tell me that things will be ok. Both my wife and I are willing to make this marriage work, I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and it scares me.

Sad for your story, but glad you found MB. It may be slow since it's the weekend, but stick around, read other accounts and folks will help you eventually.

I saw your longer version on the other board and it describes a very difficult decision. While I don't have any suggestions for you (except to quit beating up on yourself), I'm sure others will soon.

Just wanted to say 'welcome' like others did for me a few weeks ago. Hang in there and thanks for your sacrifice in Afghanistan.

Ace

Moore, are you a contractor or in the service? The reason I am asking is b/c I am in a similar situation. My WH is overseas and he had an EA...its been really hard. Its good that she has agreed to stop the relationship. That is a starting point. It is extremely difficult to meet her needs while you are over there. That is the struggle I am dealing with. But thank God you only have a couple of months left. That is light at the end of the tunnel. The only thing I can suggest is to keep in contact with her. Be upbeat and in a good mood when you talk to her. Be as supportive as you can. You are really restricted as to what you can do while you are there. It makes it even harder on a marriage being apart but it only makes it that much worse when there is an affair involved. I feel your pain and as the betrayed wife, it does get easier. I promise it does. You have to pray to your God and hope that he takes care of you. Has she been completely and 100% honest with you? Are you able to access her emails and things? Its hard to control anything she does while you are there so you have to learn to give up that control. I had to do that and it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I do not know if my H is still involved w/ OW..he says he is not and he is too busy to do anything but I cannot trust anything he says right now. He is a contract worker and the OW works for the same company on the same base but in a different building. As the betrayed spouse, I know its so hard. But the pain will subside. It sounds like she is on board with making everything work. Is that the case?

Hoping68....I am a contractor right now. I am confident that she has been 100% honest with me. I feel horrible but I had bugged the computer and can see everything that is going in and out. I also called the Cell phone company and had everything that is texted forwarded to me. I feel incredibly guilty about spying on her, but it was the only way I could sleep at night. I guess one of the reasons that I feel so bad is that I had the opportunity to be like you WH... everytime it was a picture of my wife and son that kept me from doing anything at all. I wouldn't even go out to coffee or lunch with any of the OP. I just wonder why she didn't do the same thing. She says that she wants to fix us, but it is just hard for her to stay away from him right now. She hasn't had any contact with him except to say goodbye, which until I read it on here didn't know she did it the wrong way. I always try to see the good in people and my WW is no different. I am just afraid of a repeating pattern. My first W did it to me and I hate to think it could happen again. There are only so many times someone's heart can be broken like this before it won't heal.