DF...thanks for the reminded...I knew that...I actually thought about that when I was writing...saying to myself with the 2X4 in one hand...YOU, little girl, are NOT living in the day...

Still hurt though...OUCH...it's a matter of attitude, right?

DF, did I pass the test? Do I get extra points? LMAO

Rinderwoman,

Happy Anniversary tomorrow...to you and to me...ours is 18th. Just 'cuz I'm a decade down on ya doesn't mean I'm decadent.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I felt excited by your choice to act on your love...not his possible reaction, or your reaction to the past. Big, humungous kudos, kiddo! (That's harder to type than it looks.)

As for sharing...three years ago (while I was in my A), BH took me away for a romantic weekend...and I was sick. He just mentioned this yesterday, remembering me sick and his perception was, "I really had a nice time with you, anyway." Then we remembered two years ago, shortly after NC and reluctant recommitment when we went to Vegas for the first time...and how much we loved it...and he got sick in the middle...and I found him just as enjoyable. And we laughed. I was tormented at the time with thoughts of, "Why am I doing this with a man who says he doesn't love me?" And yep, now I remember how much fun (we love experiencing new stuff together) we had, the connection.

Last year, we went to a restaurant he'd had as a super goal to experience...and no sickness either of us remember...though we did have sea urchin for the first time, which I thought tasted like aquarium water.

This year...I got sick last Thursday and Friday...then all better...and DH felt it coming on three nights in a row and staved it off...and we're going to a regular Italian restaurant to celebrate...and I had a thought...what if we feel the urge to do big when we feel small...and do small or not do (no resentment), when we're living large?

Daily abundance for me, Rin...I'm blessed from your prayers, and every posters' presence here...

Thank you for all your posts on this thread...and all the others, too.

Reading you enriches my life, doubles my abundance...and I'm not just saying that 'cuz I'm sloppy with love for my DH...and feeling lathered in his love. Really.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

LA

Yes I have a lump ... I sent FWH an ecard, I am confined to bed with slipped disc - hard to do - He has been getting involved in work/social stuff that makes it possible to be in the same room as OW. Says he forgets and forgets to tell me. Says it is not important to him - hardly noticed her 20 feet away and with her back to him ... I might not recognize him that far away with his back to me in a crowded room, as he says it was. He won't protect our marriage or my feelings, does things out of work where she will be. Sad Valentine's day. We met 23 years ago on this day. Sad that he had to do something accidentally to cause upset just before this day,

Are BS all fools always looking for recovery? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

The PA part of my FWW's A started just over a month before Valentine's Day, so I fully expected that something likely happened between the two of them on that day. It was a Saturday, so this likely would have been kissing or SF at the office (they used to meet there from time to time). However, I asked her about this a few nights ago, and she says that she doesn't associate any memories with Valentine's Day, so I might be lucky.

Still, it's a bit hard to get into the "lover's mode" for Valentine's Day, considering our history. Any time I think of "lover", the OM and my FWW come to mind, not me and my FWW.

I'm hoping that will eventually change. In the meanwhile, I'm not going to be extravagant. I brought a little bag of chocolates and a card for my FWW and gave them to her last night, just after midnight. She smiled and gave me a kiss and a hug. I didn't expect anything in return, so I wasn't disappointed. We might go out for dinner tonight, but I think she'll be more appreciative of me if we stay home and I fix her computer - not very romantic, but she's an "acts of service" lady...:).

Yeah! I called W and told her Happy V-day and she repeated it...

That's all I got. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Actually an improvement over last night. Unfortunately I LB'ed pretty bad with accusations of an affair. Not a good start. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> All the signs are there though and I get so emotional with V-day. It's a special day. I used to hate it. I was one to call it the commercialization holiday.

Anyone have plans with a separated spouse?

LA...my lady in waiting...LOL...HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO YOU TOO SWEETIE! WOW, 18 years...I'm happy to make it to nine!

I actually got H three cards, two V-day and an anniversary card. He got two this morning...poor thing he was SOO tired this morning...brought me coffee...

he had read his GIANT card...like three feet by two feet...before waking me up...he didn't stay up very long with us...I had the other card hid in his pillow case so when he layed down he felt it...

He apologized for not having the chance to go to the store yet...we talked last night for some time...it was like he didn't wait to get off the phone...I told him that it really didn't matter it we did something big today b/c I'm teaching to cherish the little things so much more these day...

We must have talked for an hour last night while he was working...I told him how much I was enjoying our talks since he started working nights...

I wrote in one of his cards how blessed I was to have him in my life and some other stuff...kind of mushy but not really bad...I told him that I was grateful for all the hills and vallies that we have been through...

ManInMotion, Thank you for sharing with us...yes, it is difficult to get into the mode...I guess that's why I started shopping for the boys first...but I'm all excited today...I'm feeling better after the shot yesterday and Doc gave me three meds...so I'm doing better...

I think that is a great jester, I would appreciate my computer being fixed by someone else...LOl...that's my dept. too...Bless H's heart he tries but it comes more natrually to me...

(((((SP))))

Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry that you are hurt and are on bed rest...I will pray for your quick, painless, recovery...

Like Frog said and it is unfortunate but men do not think like us...I'm sorry that you are not getting what you need from your H...I was reading your story of the PA thread so I understand the trials that you have been through...

Have faith in your Higher Power...walk with your hand in his and you can't go wrong...

Take care of yourself the best that you can...self care as you already know is important and YOU DO deserve it...


no, sweetie...recovery comes in different forms...I wish I had more to comfort you...love yourself today...Godspeed...

Happy Anniversary to you both Rin and LA, may you have many more, and may they be filled with HAPPINESS...

As for me, today is a rough one regardless of my marital situation. This is the day I buried my mother, now 8 years ago. The day was quite crisp OOOP gotta run my son just vomitted AGAIN...be right back

OKAY, where was I, oh, yeah, it was a very crisp, frigid, crystal clear, azure blue sky kind of day. I remember how quiet it seemed. One of the hardest days of my life. I swore off Valentines day for a while.

Today, well, my H just left for work (he's still sick, but he's the only IT guy on today, so he HAS to go) he said, 'Happy Valentines Day' in a very low, quiet voice. I said it back and gave him a gentle kiss and squeeze.

I plan on writing something today, but I can't figure out how to word what I'm feeling. I'll find it, it will just take a little time.

Ooo, one more thing, he's wearing a shirt that I KNOW the OW bought for him (BLECH!) Triggers abound...

Morning, SL! Sorry to hear that you are already have an interesting day...

Poor baby, i know how L is when he's vomiting...I hope he feels better soon...Sorry to hear about your mom...I'm sure that you can think about all the great times that you had with her...was V-day special to her...Did she enjoy the day?

Thank you for the Happy A...

I'm almost positive if you asked your H about the shirt he would say it's JUST a shirt...to him anyway...sad but more often true...knowing how centered you have been, I have faith that you will find a way to handle it and talk about it...

From what I see you ARE a great Communicator...you have such poise...a real classy LADY... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

(((((((SL)))))))) and a BIG mooowa to you!

Oh good grief - why are you subjecting yourself to that? My suggestion: when he comes home, kindly ask him for the shirt, and when he gives it to you, make it disappear. At the same time you might want to deal with any other triggers that are hanging around the house and interfering with your recovery. I had to get rid of a whole furniture set (they had SF on it in the living room), so you should be able to get rid of one shirt <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

I'm learning to deal with many triggers. They're mostly words or dates or times, not so much things. They are also changes in WH, even in what he prefers to drink. He used to be more into microbrews (he's a homebrewer), but I noticed he's been drinking Rum lately. Probably something OW drank ( I KNOW first OW liked rum, she brought it to my July 4th party, the [email]d@mned[/email] HO).

Anyway, the pain will subside, and I agree with Rin, even if it holds some significance to WH, it's just a shirt. I think he probably likes the style, too. Whatev's.

And MIM,

I believe I may have become a FIRESTARTER and burned the whole HOUSE if there were SF in here. YEUCK! Now, that's a TRIGGER!

I hope you didn't take that wrong...I didn't mean "it's just a shirt"...I meant "it's probably just a shirt to HIM."

I agree with ManinMotion...get rid of it after he comes home...

Oh, ManInMotion...oh, I feel for you on that one...I bet that felt good...LOL, did you burn it? That would have made me feel good!

Happy Anniversary Rind and LA,
Wishing you both sevearal more (at least 50).
SL so sorry this day carries memories of such a sad event.
I woke up at 3am in an anxious state... took my med which I don't use very often. I did send my daughter who's studying inGermany and e-card and bought card and choc for my 2 at home.
Sent an e-card to WH at work.. just saying Happy V-day and I'm thinking of him. Doubt I will get anything back.
MY BF called today to check up on me and that's when I cried...V-day was always low key for us dinner, cards etc...but it's hard this year thinking what is he going to do for her. Knowing I'm probably not even on his mind.
I can't wait for the 15th.
The kids have no school today we're getting hit by a nor'easter up here in New England. First big storm without WH.
Will try not to have a pity party all day today.

Rind thanks for thinking of me today.

Still

SL, my FWW and the OM had SF in our living room.

And SF in our marital bed, twice.

The living room furniture, I got rid of.

As for the marital bed? I've "reclaimed" that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

My hope? That thoughts about what she did will eventually disgust her as much as it disgusts me. I'll be surprised if that happens though, as her approach is to instead try to forget everything that she did and not speak about it again.

She'd actually moved the couch into our bedroom for awhile, post D-Day(!), and there it remained until details of how they used it came to light. Recovering WS's can be so THOUGHTLESS...

Some time ago I started a long thread in the "Recovery" forum discussing what to do with our bed and the couch. I was waiting for my FWW to do something about them, and she didn't, and the other MB'ers 2x4'd me and told me to take care of it myself, so I did. In front of my FWW, I called one of my family friends, and asked him to come with his pickup and cart the furniture away. He came by our home later, picked it up and carted it off to I-don't-know-where. I didn't say one word to my FWW during the entire exercise, but I could see it shook her a bit.

Burning it would have been more gratifying, but putting a light to all that foam in our backyard would have placed our home at risk.

The marital bed was harder to deal with, because even though I know what happened on it, I liked the bed (custom designed for our room), so I set out to "reclaim" it instead <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

As a BS, you've got to stand up for yourself in situations like this, as your WS has already demonstrated that they really don't care that much for your feelings.

I hope you at least flipped the mattress <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Still...

Make the most of the day being that the kids are going to be home...love on them...kids are great...I'm SURE that you are proud of them...use today to remind them of that...

I will think of you ALL day if I have to...just to let you know that you are loved...LOL...even by people you don't know well...why...b/c YOU share yourself with us...open and honest...sharing...Thank you!

MIM,

WOW, I loved that...reclaimed the bed...AWESOME!


Same here...it's just so much easier for them to sweep it under the rug...not face the horrible truth of the damamge that they have done...not just to there S...but kids, parents, ILs, friends...etc...

Looking at the big pic...WOW...that's a lot to swallow...it was for me...to face MY part of the destrution I caused...dealing with my pain and comes to terms with my part...ROUGH!

As a BS, you've got to stand up for yourself in situations like this, as your WS has already demonstrated that they really don't care that much for your feelings.

You're right! I agree, and will do in MY time.

Congratualtions on RECLAIMING YOUR bed! What you said about your WW, pushing the thoughts aside and trying to forget them, I don't think that is really, truly possible, unless you have a terrible memory. Guilt is a killer!

I totally agree. Why on earth would you hold still for this and why on earth would a *F*WH want to do such a thing to you?

Does he make you eat ground glass, too?

Sorry - I'm just very angry for you. It is massively disrespectful and extremely cruel for him to wear a shirt that his wh*re gave him.
Mulan

Well, I flipped her on the mattress - does that count? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />