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vince:
Just 2 questions:
number a: Why do you keep doing this 2 yourself?
letter 2: What time and day is your appointment with the Harleys?
-ol' 2long
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2long-
If I knew the answer to this question, I would be a lot happier and wouldn't be on here lost in space.
I have not called the Harley's, as I feel that if I am not in control of myself, no matter what they tell me, it will not matter, because I will not implement it. Until i get myself together, I'm lost.
Deep down inside me, I truly feel like this is over. The last 4 days my WW has made it abundantly clear she wants no future with me and wants a D. So, it really has driven me further down into this spiral.
I need some professional help....more than I am getting now. My current therapist is just not seeing what is going on here. I am being honest with him and find myself talking almost the whole time, with little response from him, and when he does talk, I feel like I either already know the answer or came up with the response myself. There is obviously something wrong with me here. I'm a frickin train wreck. I have been given all the tools to attempt to save my M, yet I don't do it and almost do the opposite. Which is only going to make me regret this more when I do get a D. I am going to know that i did not do everything I could to save this marriage, but could have. So not only am I going to have to live with my regrets of not treating my wife the way i feel I should and could have, but knowing that when the ****** went down, I did not react in a way that could of saved my M, even though I knew what to do.
I am not taking care of myself, my job, my mental well-being, not treating my family and friends nicely...i'm just a lost soul. And yea, its my fault at this point, I can't blame her for how I am now. I need to get it together and quick, before I truly lose everything (health, job, family, friends, etc.)
VS
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Married 10/2005
Together since 5/1999
Lived together for 5 years.
ME - 30
WW - 27
EA - Early December
D-Day - Jan. 5th 2007 and Feb 15th 2007.
Today - Waiting for pain to go away, knowing it takes action.....
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Larry-
The only guilt I have is that I feel is that I could of been a better husband and not have taken my wife for granted. Thats it. I was loyal, honest, providing , loving, etc. I feel I could of improved on some things and now I feel like I took her for granted, but I think that is natural because now I don't have her, I cherish the times we had together before so much more now than before.
I talked to her this am (I called). I just wished her a Happy Easter and asked if she wanted to go to my Moms (which i already knew the answer to, but thought it would be nice to ask). She said "Are you kidding? After what I have done?".
Told you. Do you understand what she is saying?
I told her she loves her and that she has tried to call her a couple times to talk to you, to which my WW said "yea, to get me to go back to you". I said "you sound like that is such a bad thing"...to which i got no response.
I then started talking about why she feels there is no way back from this and tasked her if she thinks she would have a better life without me, to which she said "financially, no, but otherwise, yes.". Her attitude has changed so much in the last 2 weeks, and especially since finding out OM has a GF. I thought this would bring us together, but it has only pushed us further apart, maybe because of how needy/clingy I have been acting.
No maybe about it. She needs help and you have been zero help. How can you help her when you won't help yourself?
The more I think bout what she has done, the more I want to call her and be with her. I dint know why that is. I feel so humiliated and beaten down and have just zero self-esteem right now.
I told you why. Are you reading what I have posted or skimming through looking for something to feed your drama?
I miss my WW's affection so badly, but I need to realize its not coming anytime soon and most likely ever. Its been 4 months since she has shown me anything.
No, that isn't right. She has reached out to you several times if you have accurately stated what she said and did. Instead of listening, you wallow around in a pity party and cannot, will not, help her or yourself.
After 8 years, its tough. I just wish so badly she would say "I love you, lets give this a try", instead, she is saying the exact opposite. She doesn't want a future with me and says this made her realize it.
You want her to lead and the fact is you must lead, if you are able. And of course she has said what she has said, I would say the same thing to you if I were her. You still ain't listening.
I can't separate fog talk from reality as I feel she really feels this way.
Whose fog talk, yours or hers? You got more fog talk going on than she does. Yea it hurts. So what. It is about consequences and the ability to reason. If you want her back, there is a clear path through a rocky road to get there, but you are wandering around in the weeds. Are you sure you want her back? Frankly you don't act like it in spite of your words. You hear but you don't listen.
It just seems that her mindset has changed so much. before I felt like there was actually a chance and that we were going to give this a shot. Now I feel like there is no hope, yet I keep holding on. I don't understand it at all. Why am I so weak?
Because you aren't listening. You are all wrapped up in the drama. See, it works like this. Your WW got screwed up in the head and did the deed. If you want her back, you gotta lead her back by who you are and how you act. You are more foggy than she is right now, it seems to me. Get a grip on yourself. If you don't know how, find someone who can help you. She can't as I have said over and over.
Why can I not let her go? She is obviously a piece of ****** and doesn't deserve me, yet I continue to long for her affection. Is it because I am lonely, afraid of the future, afraid of being alone? I don't know...but I would think so.
I told you on this one too. Read and try to understand, it is not rocket science. And yea it hurts to read some of the stuff I posted to you. So what. If you want her back, you will do what you have to do. If she doesn't come back with you on the right path, that is ok too, because you then have a life and can find happiness within yourself instead of through groveling over a wayward spouse who needs help you are not providing because you are wrapped up in your own pity party.
Yea, I'm a ****** mess right now. whatever.
Whatever???????
Its starting to concern me that it has been 4 months and I still haven't moved on or really gotten any better. I am seeing a therapist and on meds, but really, it comes down to me. I need to make the moves, or else I will wallow in this forever, and I am too young and have too much life ahead of me to do this to myself. The thing is, the last 5 years of my life have been 1000% devoted to her and I and our future. Now that has been totally stolen, and I have this life that was made for us, and I only have me.
No, you have lived and loved and lost. Big deal, it happens all the time. What is important is what you have learned and APPLIED to your life as you go forward. You don't STOP learning at a certain age, you learn all your life if you want to have a life.
I'm at a serious crossroad here and need to get it together before I end up on the wrong path for good. I am not taking care of myself, barely eating, and just dwelling and dwelling. I rarely leave the house and when i do, I have to force myself. My WW was everything to me, and I planned my life around us...I just can't walk away.
Then do what you have to do, what reason tells you to do and that is listen, learn and apply. You were living your life through another human being instead of within yourself. Now you pay the price for that choice you alone made.
I pray to God every night and day to give me peace, not for her to come back, just for peace. The internal struggles in my head right now are so strong and overbearing, something is going to give here soon.....
VS Are you an addictive personality? Haven't you become addicted to the pity party, the woe is me routine? See you keep doing the same dumb things expecting a different outcome. Duh!!!! For whatever reason, your WW sees a different part of you that must be there or she wouldn't keep trying to reach out for it. You punish her by continuing your act. So she runs. I would too. If you really, really, really want her back, then you gotta find the part of you that must exist or she wouldn't be trying to reach it. Then maybe you can get somewhere. And that she is reaching out is the only reason I keep saying the same things in different ways to you. I am trying to help as best I can. If I am taking the wrong approach, I am sure someone will say so. People here aren't real shy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Larry
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Vince 2long asked you some very pertinent questions.
I'm going to be a bit brutal ..I hope not hurtful because its meant to help. You are NOT a wimp you are hurt and in shock.. well ... So here goes ........
Your constant chasing her around makes you look needy and not attractive to a woman in any way. We don't like, usually, needy men. A ww (like I was) especially will use you up and throw you aside without the slightest second thought if something that 'looks' better comes along. But they will quite happily keep you on a leash for as long as you let them.
You need to wake up to this basic response right now!!!
Also I feel you may not be altogether honest with yourself about contacting the Harleys.... "cause I'm not in control of myself and won't do what they say" ?????????????come on Vince, I didn't come down in the last shower ...
is it perhaps Vince rather that you fear the recommendation from the Harley's instead? You are avoiding.
Look the HARLEY'S DEAL WITH BS ALL THE TIME!!! They understand very well what you feel and fear. They can help you work through what needs to be done, set up a PLAN, but you have to be prepared to accept the load & yes perhaps a recommendation you don't want to hear. Look can it be ANY worse than what you have now???????
Take a deep breath, pick up the phone and make the appointment, because quite frankly, you are doing quite well killing the remains of any chance you are seeking to have your ww reconsider her choices all by yourself.
STOP BEING A VICTIM!!!!!
Yes easier said than done but you have to start somewhere & start getting some control over your life again.
Get professional advice, get a plan, stick to it (yes you may fail a few times but don't we all?) hard as you can, THEN you will have a chance. I feel there is a VERY good chance to get a good result if you get this all together.
SO DARN WELL GO DO IT!!!!
I hope you will listen to one of us Vince.
Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.
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Real quick-
I am listening to everyone. There is a distinct difference between listening and taking action on what you have been telling me. I listen, but do nothing about it. That is where I am fault at. I hang on every wrd you all post. I am desperately seeking your advice. I need to DO something about it. Thats what it comes down to. I make mistakes everyday with thsi situation instead of doing what you all tell me. I let me emotions control and dictate what I do, as I am not in control.
I dont like drama, and I'm not looking for it. Its my life and this is what is going on...
More later......
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Married 10/2005
Together since 5/1999
Lived together for 5 years.
ME - 30
WW - 27
EA - Early December
D-Day - Jan. 5th 2007 and Feb 15th 2007.
Today - Waiting for pain to go away, knowing it takes action.....
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Try implementing the 180. Do a search for it here. I'm sure someone will post it.
Dude, seriously, fake it till you make it.
You will be very surprised by what happens if you stop calling her and talking to her.
You know why? Because she tells herself, subconsciously, that you're on a leash and will be there if she decides to get her act together and come back.
Go dark. No more texting. No more calls.
Go out. Go to a club. Take dance lessons.
******, go dark and when she calls her in a few days say you can't talk because you have a date and have to go. It will blow her mind. Make it quick and just hang up. Trust me, it will blow her mind. Make her feel like she's losing you. THAT will make her respond more than anything.
Also, quit wasting money on a counselor that doesn't do a lot of counseling. I was seeing one where I did exactly as you described. I was paying her to listen. Heck, I can post the same stuff here and get better advice. The people here know their stuff and can help. It's all from the school of hard knocks.
******, don't even lie. Call a female friend up and set a friendly date with her and talk about your ex the whole time if you want. But your W won't know that this is the case. I'm not encouraging you to have a revenge affair. That's not it at all so don't misunderstand.
You don't have to elaborate with her.
One major area of concern that you have to guard against: suicide. You can become so down and depressed that the thoughts enter your head. Heck, it isn't that you want to die, it's that you simply want to stop hurting for a little while.
Just be careful about this.
Odds are you were a good husband and she simply failed to communicate an EN that she needed. That or you weren't listening. It happens to all of us.
There could also be more going on than you realize. Did she suffer from sexual abuse as a child?
It is not uncommon for victims of childhood sexual abuse to bail on healthy relationships when they become truly intimate.
Does you W constanly seek the attention of men? Is she very vain?
Do the research on this and you may be surprised.
Please, please, please implement plan B. You are trying to hang on and are pushing her away in the process. We've all done it. But trust me, you'll get a response if you don't call for a while. Find something to distract you.
Hang out with a buddy. Play video games all day. Go running. Do something to try and get your mind off of her. It will be nearly impossible, but try and go dark. You'll be dying to hear from her, but your constant attempts to talk to her do nothing more than push her away.
Want to get her back? Quit giving her attention in any way.
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Vince,
Quit being such a pushover. She's in withdrawal from the OM right now. She doesn't want much anything to do with you right now. She knows your number. She WILL come back to you eventually. The thing is that YOU need to let HER come to you. Don't push yourself on her. She pushes you away because you've made it apparent that you are definitely waiting for her. Just back off a while and she'll wonder and start coming back to you after she's done grieving OM. Just lay low for a while. She'll be back.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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It sounds like you are wasting your money on your current therapist. It sounds like he is they type that just listens to you talk...
As has been advised over and over...call the Harley's who specialize in infidelity. They are better able to help you than your current therapist. They will cut to the chase with advice you can implement right away.
Married 1976
Me:BS
Him:FWS
MB Weekend March 2003
2 S's: '77 & '80, 1 D: '82
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Hi, Vince.
Life has fed you a crap sandwich, and what really sucks, is that you have no choice but to eat it. So be it.
No one here, not even for a millisecond, thinks that you don't have it tough. The thing is, that doesn't help anything. Feeling sorry for yourself is only making the pain last longer.
The quicker you realize that you are going to have to deal with your situation, head on, the quicker you will get through it.
You can't avoid the pain. It is here for you to deal with. That's a fact.
So stop the internalization and the self pity. It is a waste of your time and a waste of your life.
Make a decision. You decide to cop an attitude of "don't tread on me" and you stick with it until you can get your emotions under control. Put as much distance between you and your wayward wife as you can right now.
Forget about plan A and plan B, and work on plan Vince. The simple fact is that RIGHT NOW, at least for a while, you are unable to execute either plan. There is no shame in that, none at all. That's just the way it is. So do what is right for Vince.
Step back, take stock of the good parts of your life, and re-engage the world. Stop taking your wife's calls and stop contacting her. She doesn't care about you right now. That may not be true forever, but it is true for now. Face it, and deal with it.
Let me know what your plan is.
God bless,
Gimble
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect.
-An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
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VS, instead of going after you about the fact that you're still sending text messages that say wanna get together? to a woman who's abusing you, I'll request that you provide a chronology, without analysis, of the interactions you've had with your WW for the last several days.
Seems like every time you disappear a little from your WW's life it's not long before she reaches out to you. I want to know if that impression is right.
Not that it matters much. Every time you have an interaction with her you give up all your power, even though compared to many men with cheating wives, you possess an embarrassment of riches.
If you only knew how promising your situation was, you'd be so cocky right now.
Now how about that chronology?
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I agreee with Gimble. Actually that's not true. I think you should divorce your wife. But since you currently choose to stay on the fence (like her!) then his advice is good.
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Chronology?
Its all in my posts...but in a nutshell, whenever I go 36+ hours without calling, she reaches out to me it seems like.
But, ever since this whole thing with the OM happened (last wed.) she has been completely withdrawn and talking D and that we are done. She found out he has a girlfriend and she said something else that is very bothersome and had me really confused. She took thur. and fri. off of work because "I can't stand to see is face. He lied to me and crossed the line. I asked him to be honest with me and respect our co-worker relationship and he did not do that. I don't want to talk about it with you, but I am very upset about It. He lied to me and crossed the line". I have no idea what could possibly have her so upset. She hasn't seen him since Feb. 23rd and I told her that day that he had a girlfriend (hence how she got him to let her in 'I really need to talk to you' she told him).
The funny thing is, when she went to his house last Wed. night and found all this stuff out, she called ME afterwards. It was like 12:30am and she was crying and upset about HIM, but she called me. I didnt answer, but the next day, I asked her why she called ME of all people and she said it was because she was upset and wanted to talk to me. I find some positive in that, that she chose to call me when the ****** hits the fan. When she is down and out, I am still the person she looks to for support.
Anyway, I know what I need to do here. I think some of you may be missing a major point here. She doesn't want to be with me anymore. She has been pretty blunt about that. You all must believe that is fog talk, but everytime I have talked to her since Wed. she has said in no uncertain terms that there is no way back, she has nothing for me and that she "doesn't want her life back. I don't want you".
So, I think I may be wasting my time with her and need to take the D step. I mean, thats what the Harley's are going to recommend anyway.
I will call the Harley's today, but like I said, either they are going to say cut bait and run, or tell me what you all have been telling me, and everyone here knows that I haven't been able to do that..soo....
As for the 'pity-party', some of you act like I enjoy this. Like I get a kick out of feeling like a weak person. Well, just to clear it up, I don't. I hate everything that has to do with my sitch. I'm not addicted to the pain, if anything, my sole goal is to rid myself of the pain. Yea, I know I am doing everything wrong and only making it worse on me, but hour to hour I try to make the pain go away and refuse to look at the long term goal here. I'm trying to fix this in a day, when I know it takes months And years.
I appreciate everyone's feedback and hope you don't give up on me. I'm going to get this together here soon.
In the short term, does anyone recommend me hanging out with her tonight? yes, that ill require me to call, but if I don't tonight, it could be a week or so if I don't. Should I just wait that week? I feel like now is such a crucial time being that she is going through withdrawal (which I'm not even sure she is, she hasn't been with him since Feb.) ans he is for sure out of the picture. The sticker is that she really has made it quite clear that she is trying to get her life together and that does not include me at any point. She resents me and feels that we should not be together, are not meant to be and that I am not a good person, or a good fit for her.
VS
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Married 10/2005
Together since 5/1999
Lived together for 5 years.
ME - 30
WW - 27
EA - Early December
D-Day - Jan. 5th 2007 and Feb 15th 2007.
Today - Waiting for pain to go away, knowing it takes action.....
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As a wrap up - I need to report on yesterday's happenings as I am keeping this thread has a journal of sorts.
I woke up Sunday morning to a text saying "Baby, you need to chill out and relax a little right now. I love you but I'm at the edge right now and you are pushing." I responded with happy easter and that is not My intentions and that I love you as well.
I called her at about noon to see what she was doing for the day, as she has no family here and wanted to be nice and make sure she had some plans or something to do. I invited her to my moms she declined and said she may go to a friends. I told her I had mail for her and that I can bring it by later, she said ok.
So around 2 I text her and ask her what time I should come over, she responds with "whenever' and that was it.So I left my moms around 6 with the intentions of going over there. well, I was at the point whether I turn and go home or turn the other way and go to her house. I turned and went home. I wasn't in a good place emotionally and felt the visit wouldn't go well and I thought by going over there, it would just further let her know that she has me by the balls.
So I went home, didn't call or anything and just planned on watching TV and going to bed. Well her parents called frantic, saying they haven't talked to her in 36 hours and that they were worried about her. I told them I had talked to her earlier and she is fine. As I was talking to he r Mom, her Dad got my WW on his cell and she told him she was dropping a friend off. I found this very odd, so I c alled her to see what was going on. She said "I ended up going to XXXX for Easter dinner as she had invited me, and then she back to my house after-wards and I had to drive her back." Now this seems real weird, why wouldn't her Friend take her own car to my WW's? So she brought her back to her house with her and then had to drive her home? Just seems so odd, as has EVERYTHING the past 5 days. Everything My WW says or does seems very odd and just not like herself and like she is hiding something.
Also, I was SUPPOSED to go over there, and she went the her friends house, then brought her back to her house and then left again to drive her back, all knowing I was probably coming over? Obviously she didn't give a care about me coming over and didn't even think twice about it.
So I talked to her for about 15 minutes and asked her why she was so upset about OM, to which she said its "weird" to talk to em about and that she doesn't want to talk about it and that he crossed the line and blah blah. I asked her "Is this the life you want to be living?" She said no but she is trying to get it together. I asked her "why don't you quit your job and come back home". She said no way. She said she had to go as she promised her dad she would call him back. She said "can i cal you later"...I said "no, there's no point, you dont wanna talk and there really is nothing to talk about". she said "well, I might call you anyway.." To which i found odd.
So Around 11 I text'd her and asked her if she wanted to talk. She responded with yea...and then called about 45mins later, but I didn't answer.
So...another day in paradise.
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Married 10/2005
Together since 5/1999
Lived together for 5 years.
ME - 30
WW - 27
EA - Early December
D-Day - Jan. 5th 2007 and Feb 15th 2007.
Today - Waiting for pain to go away, knowing it takes action.....
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Vince,
Quit playing games with your WW. Say what you do and do what you say.
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I haven't read your entire sitch... I will get caught up...know that if you had children I might give you different advice... but I would divorce her in a heartbeat. There is NO WAY I would accept her back ONLY because the OM dumped her....now I know she is not saying she wants back in right now... but I would not take her back under those conditions. As Dr. H says... resentment wouldn't even begin to describe the feelings that come along with that scenario. But there's more. After vacillating back and forth a few times, the lover gets sick of it all and tosses the spouse out for good. With nowhere else to go, the unfaithful spouse comes back home. It wasn't his or her choice. It was the lover's choice. How would you feel being chosen because you were the only one left. Resentment doesn't begin to describe the feeling Sorry you are having such a rough time. MEDC
Last edited by mkeverydaycnt; 04/09/07 09:32 AM.
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I woke up Sunday morning to a text saying "Baby, you need to chill out and relax a little right now. I love you but I'm at the edge right now and you are pushing." Vince, Calm down. She is telling you what you need to do. Just do it. Back off a little, and let her come to you. It is obvious that this affair w/ OM is over. You need to give a a few weeks to get through withdrawal. From that point on, make it a point to make every interaction with her a positive one. "Do you want to go to _____ today?" If she says no, just drop it, smile, and move on. It will take a LONG time for things to get to a level where you two can function together again. Quit pushing so hard. Calm down, enjoy the time and conversations you do share together, and drop all expectations for now. My WW broke up with OM back in early November, and we still haven't had SF. You need to be the strong one if you want to make this work. If you don't, I understand, and it is completely up to you, but if you still might want it to work, them follow my (her) advice.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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Well, I called her at work this am to see how it was going cause I know she was dreading go there because of whatever is going on with OM sitch. She said "I don't want to talk about it, WTF do you want?" I asked her if I could come by later, to which she flatly said "NO". I said why not. She said she didn't want to see me. I told her I had mail and stuff and need to give it to her. I told her I would just leave it in her car at work if she doesn't want to see me. I left it as "Call me later if you want me to come over, other wise I will leave it in your car tomorrow". I know she wont call...
As for my WW coming back to me. She can make it on her own without me. She has a good paying job and truly enjoys being "single" now and not having anyone to answer to. I don't know how long it will last, but she has 100% convinced herself that a life with me is not the way to go. I don't understand what is goin on in her head, but would love to find out. We have not had an adult conversation since December. She refuses to talk about anything serious (us) and when we do, it ends up with her yelling and saying she doesn't want to talk anymore.
More later...
VS
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Married 10/2005
Together since 5/1999
Lived together for 5 years.
ME - 30
WW - 27
EA - Early December
D-Day - Jan. 5th 2007 and Feb 15th 2007.
Today - Waiting for pain to go away, knowing it takes action.....
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 4,178
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 4,178 |
She starts to miss you and reaches out. You try to snag onto her too hard and she skitters away. Repeat.
She's hooked on you. She can't handle losing you no matter what she says. Now get a f*cking plan.
Hint:
Now is not the time to tell her she needs to quit her job and come home. That happens when she comes to you and says she'll do whatever it takes to clean up the mess she's made. Then you say #1 you quit your job working with OM and that is non-negotiable. Quit your job or there's the door.
If you aren't the man who can do that, try turning into him. That's what you oughta be doing right now, 'stead of playing cat-and-mouse with your WW.
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222 |
Vince,
SHE wants to come back to YOU, but YOU want to talk about a PAINFUL subject, so SHE doesn't not want to talk to YOU. Once YOU stop obsessing over that certain PAINFUL subject and start just making QUALITY time between the two of you, SHE will start WANTING to spend time with YOU.
GET IT?!?
Your M is most certainly salvageable if you get a plan and stick with it. Go get some IC to help you cope with the pain instead of putting it all on her.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 117
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 117 |
Vince,
You know the scene in airplane where the stewardess is grabbing the woman, shaking her violently, slapping her and yelling "get a hold of yourself!" while there is a big line of people waiting their turn to do the same? That's what I want to do to you right now! (Figuratively, but imagine it.)
Seriously, you're not listening. We're telling you what you need to do and you're not listening!
Stop contacting her! Grow a pair! She has absolutely no respect for you and you're not giving her any reason to do so!
"Oh, please, rip my guts out and tell me all about how you're hurting over another man!" That's what you're telling her!
Instead, when she calls you and starts boo hooing over the OM, you should say, "Look, I really don't want to hear about the man you committed adultery with. You brought this on yourself by being with a man who doesn't respect marriage and by forsaking your vows." And hang up!
DONT LISTEN TO HER GRIPE ABOUT HER MAN! You show no self respect when you do that!
Geez, man, I was desperate to get my W back but there is no way in he(( I would sit there and listen to her cry about another man.
This is the man she cheated on you with! And you want to hear her cry about him? Are you nuts?
Step back for a sec and imagine that you are your brother or sister or best friend in the same situation. What would you do?
Believe me, you want her back? Quit calling her! Go dark!
One of two things will happen. She'll move on with her life and not come back or she'll see the light about what she's destroyed.
Right now you're an annoyance to her. Every time you call you can imagine that she rolls her eyes and sees you as an annoyance.
I did the same stuff as you. I offered to see her if she had a moment. It's futile and makes you look desperate.
Stop contacting her in any way!
I swear that if you go dark you will see a big change on her part.
We're all giving you answers but you're ignoring everyone and are on autopilot doing all the wrong things.
Believe me, we will be the first to cheer for you if she comes back with remorse, but it honestly is painful to read how readily you make yourself a doormat for her.
Grow a pair and be a man and stop letting her disrespect you!
She will find you more attractive if you show yourself to be a man not to be disrespected.
I don't know why we as men allow women to castrate us when they become waywards.
You're sitting there listening to her moan about how he lied to her and misled her? Please! What about the lies she told you and how she turned her back on her vows?
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