My girlfriend and I have been discussing the same issue now for over 2 ½ years. It would go away for some time, but then it would always get brought back up. Anyway, we decided that talking about it anymore wasn’t getting us anywhere; so we decided to “break up” and if it’s meant to be we will be back together.

All I’ve been thinking about lately is her and I can’t seem to get her out of my head. It really hurts that this is the only option we have left.

The thing that hurts the most is she has already met someone new after 2 weeks since we last spoke. I can’t understand after a 3 year relationship she is already hooking up with someone else. I don’t even have the urge to talk to other girls when I go out because I still think about her.

Is this normal to already be seeing & hooking up with someone so soon after our break up? Is she ready to jump into another relationship, already?

When I found this out it just killed me and I think it just makes getting back together a lot harder. I guess I think if she really cared about me she wouldn’t be hooking up with someone so soon. You can still go out with your friends and have a good time, but I don’t get why she needs another guy in her life so soon. It’s okay to be single for a bit.

I would like to get some insight from the women on this board on why she is it that she’s doing this.

The only option I have now is to move forward with my life. I want this hurt to go away and just start getting my life back in order. Do you guys have any tips to heal after a break up? How long does this process usually take?

Thank you,

olimits7

Well, given that she had cheated on you in the past, why are you surprised? I'd say "good riddance!!" and thank your lucky stars that you found out what she is like before you married her and had kids with her; most of us here weren't so lucky/smart.

Anyway, you should move forward, like you said. Yeah, it hurts. But it's best to heal without other people involved, that only makes for rebounds. Usually about half the length of the relationship; I know, not what you wanted to hear.

AGG

half the length of the relationship? so if you're married twenty years don't even think about getting involved with someone for ten years? ridiculous.

olimits7, you want a timetable - make one up. When you are ready you are ready. make a list of things you want out of a relationship and a partner. don't settle for anything less than what you want. If that person comes along tomorrow, then great, if it's a year or two, ok. You decide when it's time.

Chill, bud. I gave the poster a rule of thumb, not one that I made up. Ten years to recover after 20 years together? No. But in his case of 3 years, I'd give it a few long months. Especially because he points out how heartbroken he is. I do not subscribe to the mantra "the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody", but hey, to each their own.

AGG

Sorry things are tough for you now olimits <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Sounds to me like this woman is totally dependent on a having a man around to give her what she needs rather than being able to rely on herself. By cheating on you before she found someone to fill a need for her, rather than trying to rely on herself and without any regard for you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Her throwing herself into another relationship so soon just reiterates, to me anyway, that she is using yet anther guy to take care of her needs without facing things herself.

I agree with AGG when he said to thank your lucky stars that you found out who she really is now...
and agree with gekko as well, when he said to make a list of the things you want, and DON'T settle for anythng less.

((hugs))

olimits, the best way to heal is to sit on down & take a serious look at your own soul, your life, your future. Spend some time reading good material about healing & recovery. Be sure & indulge (you read that right, singleness is a luxury given the right mind set) in your being solo for now.

It's all about mindset.
It's all about getting your thought life right.
It's all about setting sail for the future you want to reach.

God bless, get a support network established too. Local guy group at a church is a great first start.

High Flight

olimits, I agree with High Flight. Take time to do some reading. Healing is something that everyone needs to do before they jump into another relationship. It's been a month and a half since I broke up with my boyfriend (I had very good reason- he started cheating & I found out) and at first all I wanted to do was get back together with someone, but as soon as the opportunity actually presented itself I just curled up on the inside and the thought of being in a relationship again just made me sick. I put up with neglect and abuse from him for a year before I told him don't call me again.
But, like HF said, take some time to do some reading about LOTS of things. "Usually" men don't wait as long as women before they hook back up in a relationship, but that is just a statistic. Dr. Harley has some pretty good material on this board. He even has a section that talks about why women leave men. Don't know what "the problem" was, but David Steel and Consious Dating give lots of info about breakups and dating again. In one of their tele-seminars I listened to they stated that men really don't usually see their is a real problem until the woman says "bye". I never knew that until a few days ago. The more you learn while you are alone and not trying to make another relationship work, the easier it will be to apply it all to anything you get into in the future.
Good Luck!