You can spend your whole life building something from nothing
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway
You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach and you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway
God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, I do it anyway
This world's gone crazy and it's hard to believe that tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons, and in a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway
You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in that tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway, sing it anyway
I sing, I dream, I love, anyway
I put this song at the beginning of my post for an important reason. Right now, there are several Killer Bees (folks who are in Plan B) who are under the mistaken idea that "recovery" only means saving their M after the A. I use this song on purpose.
You built your M for years, and in one day they chose to walk away.
You built your family for decades, and in one day they torn it all down.
Maybe you built a business or career together, and in one day all you had built was destroyed.
You built Dreams and a future with your spouse, and in one day it is all gone.
THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT LOVING, FAMILIES, BUILDING AND DREAMING ARE BAD. The ideal would be for the WS to also become healthy and come back to you, as two healthy individuals, and love and build and dream with you again. That's the ideal. But for reasons that Hiker is describing pretty clearly in the "Romantic Affairs" thread, sometimes the WS doesn't come back. Sometimes they are unhealthy or too proud or mentally ill or just too darn stubborn!
That does not mean that "recovery" does not take place!!!
Sometimes recovery means saving YOU...the BS. Sometimes recovery means that YOU get it. You learn about EN's and LB's. You learn about your issues and deal with them. You learn how to identify what kind of personality matches yours well. You learn what abuse is and what love is. You learn the difference between privacy and secrecy...between total honesty and transparent honesty. You learn!!
And ultimately YOU recover.
Yes, it's sad that a decade's dreams and plans and building and love can all disappear in one moment. But as a BS that recovers, you will know this going into it next time...
...and like me, you'll CHOOSE to dream and plan and build and love ANYWAY.
Your faithful friend,