Ok so I told my H about the A yesterday..........and he went from calling me a ****** to telling me he forgives me within a matter of a few hours. Is that possible?

Yes, as he is going through a rollercoaster of emotions right now.

Although he says he forgives you, I would expect that complete forgiveness from him will not happen for some time yet.

Yes, it is possible.

But you can expect he's going to be on a rollercoaster of emotions for quite some time to come. So are you, for that matter.

He's going to be going back and forth between angry and hurt and crying to forgiving you, loving you, etc...all within minutes/hours/days of each other.

The pain and hurt he's feeling right now is HUGE...it's more than he can process at this time.

So what you need to do is to be there for him...let him know that you're sorry, that you want to work things out, and you love him.

Get engaged into a counselor ASAP. Get a good marriage counselor that understands the MB principles, or at LEAST is a pro-marriage counselor who understands the dynamics of recovering from infidelity.

Be prepared to be painfully open and honest with your husband while he's trying to cope with this...he's going to need information that you're not going to be comfortable with providing...but the first step (after you admitting...great job, btw) is for you to become an open book...he needs to completely understand what all he's being asked to forgive.

Hang in there...it's going to be long, hard work, but this IS the first step towards recovering your marriage.

Yes, quite possible, my FBH went through the exact same thing.

I could just repeat everything Owl said...it's a big rollercoaster, he's hurt, but he doesn't want to lose you...it's all too much.

You are in for the long haul, be prepared for quite a bumpy ride, but MB is just about the best "place" to be while you're on it!

MAZ

I said the same thing - I forgive you.

I said I forgive you so we could work on our marriage and have her forgive me for what I felt I did wrong.

That was two months ago.

I still have not truly forgiven her - I did in a sense of it will not make me divorce her - but I have not from a trust perspective.

He could have forgiven you, everyone reacts differently - I just wanted to give you my perspective.

And please do not confuse forgive with forget - he probably will never forget.

Nowwhat74

I think the others are wrong if they mean that his forgiveness was not sincere.
The problem is that the wound is so deep. It will keep hurting for a loooong time. And from that pain there will grow new resentment, daily. So he will have to decide again and again and again to forgive you.

Therefore you will se many people say that forgiveness is a process. Whatever you call it, this is how it works. Also he will see new sides to your betrayal as he learns of new details. Larning of your A was such a huge, overwhelming, shocking information to him that he could not initially take it all in. He was sincere in his wish to forgive you. But when he later is able to process new parts of it, the resentment grows again, and he will have to forgive again.

That he will have to keep re-forgiving you is NOT an indication that you are not forgiven. This stuff is just such big a bite that he can not chew it all at one time.

Please be understanding of this. If he blaims himself for incompleate forgiveness then explain to him and show him that you understand. Have emphaty with his pain. With most people the pain really starts to fade when past the anger phase around 6-8 months. But it will last for 1,5 - 2 years.

I would suggest you read the links in my signature line.

Well stated Owl and Frank.

If I could also add that it is EXTREMELY important at this stage to be completely honest and open with your BH. That includes no lying by omission either as he will need to slowly rebuild his trust in you. You would be disrespectful to him if you withheld information from him for fear of hurting him as doing so will only delay your recovery process.

He will start to put the pieces of the puzzle to together and if he senses that you are being evasive or untruthful it will cause some major withdrawals from his $LB.

Follow Dr. Harleys principles at this stage for guidance:

1. Rule of Protection (avoid LB'ers)
2. Rule of Care (meet his most important EN's)
3. Rule of Time (spend as much time together)
4. Rule of Honesty