Chris,

I'm thinking more and more about it everyday. I got a week to burn. Don't be suprised If I take a little self preservation trip.

Rin,

Dark is definately the order of the day. Not that there's any contact currently other than the rare appearance she makes to come see DS.

Larry,

I hear you. Last night was a huge trigger. I'm doing my best to control the anger. I thought I was done with it, but it creeped back in a little last night. Today I'm more or less back to pity with some residual hurt. Got that knot in my stomach, not bad, but I can still feel it.

She did respond. The message finally made it through. Here's what she said.

I am not gonna argue with you about this. If you want to keep the same weekend I am OK with that. You should have said something to me sooner. I am not trying to hurt you, this is something that has nothing to do with you.


Apparently she thinks I did what I did and said what I said b/c she wasn't gonna be available next week and it would mess up our custody agreement, not b/c she is having another A with OM2. She doesn't get it. She's all fogged out again.

and her last sentence. NO SH1T!!

Well, back to reality. DS has been complaining about a tummy ache the last few days and about an hour ago he puked his guts up right on yours truly.

The joys of parenthood. I put him in the tub, turned him over to mom, and I went and took a shower. He seems to be fine now.

So Rin, It has been a blessing having mom in for the weekend. She's a REAL mom, whistles while cleaning up puke.

We BBQ'd last night and we had what SHE wanted instead of the usual menu which is what my DAD wants.

Here's my dads menu. Cajun food, hamburgers, sausage, and pizza. That's it. Nothing else allowed in the house.

Last night we had beef kabobs and Jalapenos stuffed with crab dressing wrapped in bacon. OH YEAH, Ca C'est Bon!!

Having a great weekend other than the 2 incidents.

I'll check in later

How is DS today? Is he feeling any better? I'm glad that you enjoyed your weekend with mom!

The weekend ended mostly well. Sat night STBX showed up just in time to put DS to bed who was still sick. No interaction when she left. Sun my brother and his family came in and we all went to HOOTERS for lunch after CHURCH believe it or not. No lunch crowd on Sun. They spent a few hours after lunch and then everybody headed back home. Late in the afternoon DS went swimming in the neighbors pool. He still wasn't feeling well and ended up crashing at 7.

I did have one more trigger and now I'm in a rut. I need your help with this one.

Like an idiot I checked STBX's myspace page to see if she posted anything about what happened Fri night. Nope, what I got was the great day she had at the SPA Sun. OM2 got her a spa package for Mother's day b/c she is so deserving. In fact she put down DS Sat night, knew he was sick, and spent the entire day at the SPA Sun and never once so much as called to see how he was doing. What a GREAT mother DS has. Then went home and posted how wonderful OM2 is and how she can't wait to see him so she can thank him personally.

I almost gave DS a run for his money in the puking department.

So I'm going pitch black with STBX now. I am feeling extreme hatred at the audacity of her actions. I'm embarrased to call her DS's mother. Her actions are on the verge of pure evil. She has taken selfishness to levels even I never thought was possible.

I've always been one to not hate. My feeling is that hating anybody only hurts yourself, never the person you hate. Well, right now I HATE STBX's ever loving guts and it is hurting me deeply. I can't give her the satisfaction of knowing that I HATE her. I have to go as dark as humanly possible to protect myself from this poison that is eating me up.

It is so hard to watch someone you dedicated your life to and procreated with completley destroy themselves and inflict the maximum number of casualties while doing it.

So my ANGER is in full swing right now. I don't know what's the healthiest way to deal with it so suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I don't WANT to hate STBX.

How do I work through this so that I can find peace again?

I don't even know what to say really...It's sooo very sad and I'm sorry that you are feeling this way doesn't even begin to offer you any comfort for your pain...

I'm writing because it has been suggested to me by several people to write all my feelings down about STBX...cuss him lower that the dog he is and then destroy the letter...burn it, flush it, just whatever...and to do it as many times as you need too...

You may also want to check into Divorce Care program or sign up for the newsletters...they explain how to deal with all of the emotions of D...

You and DS are in my thoughts and prayers...I'm so sorry that you are in a bad place today!

The reality of STBXs, WS is just amazing...

Sorry, man. I really really feel for you and don't know how to proceed with your situation other than how you are doing it (still a marvel to me). It sucks, but there are better days ahead. You know that.

With respect to anger, I would try a couple of things. As far as WW, try to remind yourself that she's mentally ill. She doesn't know what she's doing--where she is right now, she just can't do any better. She doesn't mean to hurt you and DS.

And then for you, at the risk of suggesting non-Cajun activities (I do live in Southern California now), you might check out meditation or yoga. Or any regular, vigorous exercise. There's a book called "Anger" by a Buddhist monk named Thich Nhat Hanh that helped me.

Recognizing that you don't want to hate her and talking about it with people will help you, too.

Be sure to let me know anything else you figure out for when my anger bank overflows.

Bc,

Sweetie, I wish I could ease your pain!

SD is right, she is ill.

I have not gotten a great handle on my flares of anger, so don't have a lot of suggestions

I DO write it out, like Rin said

I don't know if you are a spiritual man, but noted that you were at church. Talk to God - He IS listening. Talk to your pastor or someone in church that you trust. They can not only listen, but guide you with the support of Scripture

Then, there is the old standby that I use,,,when I beat the stuffing out of my pillows while cussing like a sailor!

Will be thinking of you and sending strength your way

PS- almost forgot STAY OFF HER MYSPACE! You are only causing yourself unnecessary pain.

Screw her. Not literally though. Find a wonderful woman who loves your son and loves you. This freak doesn't deserve you.

As for anger...I take it out on my Captain Morgan. He understands.

Are you going full Plan B now BC?

She's STB ex-wife, right? BC, please quit picking at the scab. Let the wound heal along with the final decree. Don't go to myspace, drive by her home to see who's there, etc., etc. None of that is going to change her one little bit, BC. The only thing you'll accomplish is to cause yourself a lot of unnecessary pain. Protect yourself and stay strong.

As far as anger, you need to find a healthy way to let it out.

Get a punching bag, run up and down a hill, scream at the top of your lungs. Then stop...take a deep breath....let it out and go in and kiss your wonderful child on the head. Tuck him in. Read to him.

Don't let your anger affect your life nor your relationship with your son. You don't want him growing up to be an angry person.

God bless you.

Man, how did every single one of you touch on something I was thinking about. I guess we all start to think a like after being here a while.

Rin,

I've already got the numbers from the local Arch Diocese for Divorce Care and Single Again Ministry. I'll be calling this afternoon to get more info. I also like the idea of writing down all the anger and hate and then burning it. Just writing here did me some good.

SD,

I already tear up the gym pretty good and I guess I do a form of meditation when I go out at night and smoke a cigar and look at the stars. I also find myself going out back a sittin on the swing for a few minutes everyday.

Bugs,

Along with checking out divorce care I think I'm gonna try to get in with my priest or my mom's who I really like just for some free counseling and some scripture recommendations.

I've been trying to kick the myspace habbit. I think this may have been the motivation I needed to leave it alone. Part of my going dark is I don't want to know anything about her anymore.

Holy,

My bud light and cigars understand too. I can't do that every night, but a few times a week really keeps me centered.

When I look into the future I like what I see, so I've just got to get back to focusing on that. I want to be in awe of my next wife. I want to be proud of her and brag about how good of a person she is. I honestly never really had that with STBX. Their around here somewhere, I'll find one.

In the meantime I'll just keep flirting with the amazing women on this forum.

Chris,

Full Plan B will be in affect very shortly. Like the next time I see her will be the last time I talk to her for a very long time.

I've got to get her out of my head and this is the only way to do it.

also, I've been checking airfare to Denver. You busy this summer, like around the 10th of July. I'm in serious need of a self preservation trip. I'm thinking four or five days. Send me an email.

Longhorn,

Myspace is the only thing I've been doing and I think I'm done with it now. I will do my best to put it all behind me.

PS,

I will NEVER let my anger affect my R with DS. He can tell when I'm hurt though. He was all over me last night despite being sick. Kissing me and telling me he loves me. He would whine for a while and I would console him and then all of a sudden he was trying to cheer me up. That kid is simply amazing.

I have been working the ole speed bag at mom's lately. If I had time I think I'd get into boxing.

Well, thanks for all the input. When I need it ya'll respond quick. I really appreciate the effort.

Thanks Again

try flirting with selected amazing men as well ... that ought to be diverting

He11, I'm probably going to see one this summer. Isn't that enough Nipples To The Wind? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Thought this might help...

http://www.divorcecare.org/

BC,

Glad you checked in, I was starting to worry a bit.

Please do follow up on reaching out to the folks you mentioned above. It will help

You are a great guy and a wonderful father! Keep the focus on YOU and you are going to be just fine,,,nipples and all

We will be expecting a nipple report on Chris after your visit!

This is exactly what I am thinking...

It is very much like grieving the death of someone you knew...ya know they had a treatable disease and chose to not do anything about it and died...your sad, angry...all mixed up. Why couldn't they have just taken the necessary steps to be healed???

(((BC))) That made me angry for you! Grrrrr. Did you print out her MySpace page for your custody evidence file which should be growing and growing and growing...

Come mere again.... (((BC)))

Dang.

LMAO LMAO LMAO...ALL this female attention...Ladies, we better be careful...

Disclaimer: Please watch out for swelled head! End Disclaimer!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

BetrayedCajun,

I'm sorry your STBXW hurt you and your DS so. Speaking from experience, I know that part of your head knows it's her mental illness...but that doesn't really make it hurt much less, does it?

At first, I was going to send you a joke to cheer you up. Then, I just felt sort of sad for you and considered giving you a hug.

Well, I decided to do this instead: Give you a Free Hug

Your mama bee,



CJ

CJ, that was AWESOME! WHat a great MAMA BEE you are!

((((((BC, CJ, Sdguy, PM, SL, HM, BUGS, IHC, CHris, S4B))))))

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />