So, I just asked my intermediary to forward this e-mail to BDS...


I can only hope he realizes that I am not just flush with cash...I think that is part of his "fog"...that I can make it financially with him just paying me little chunks when it is convenient for him...

What is you current agreement IHC? Is it court ordered? What is your timeline on the D? Get this ahole into court on an emergency order, NOW. Get a public defender that will work by the hour if you can't afford a better attorney. But go after him before you and your children lose everything and that idiot continues to propogate destruction including his own.

IHC,

Do you have any legal agreements with your WH? If so, take his sorry a$$ to court! If not, then broach the subject of selling. Good lord, woman, you cannot go on like this.

Is there any way that you can apply for credit in order to take care of some of the debt? I know that it is just one more bill to pay, but you could attempt sale of the duplex in the meantime.

Hopefully, others will come along to guide you. If I could get a hold of your WH's anatomy, he'd never know what hit him! I'm so sorry that you have so much on your plate right now. You will survive this IHC.

It is court ordered...2,020.00 per month. I have filed and gotten a wage assignment, but I am in the red tape wait of the account being set up at the state...

I have filed my last paperwork for the D and am awaiting a date from the court for a final hearing...

I don't know what else I can do...Court ordered CS and SS was issued in late March...WH flipped but said he would pay...LIAR!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

I filed for the wage assignment right after the order came in becuase I knew he would flake...he just has no grip on reality right now...and he never did the finances when we were together.

All he can think about is SH and their life together and their new addition on the way...

DD10 said to me yesterday...I don't want to go to dad's anymore...

Why?

Because I am not comfortable around him anymore...

Why?

Because everywhere that dad goes, SH is with him.

SH (skanky ho) goes to his parents for every event, BBQ's , etc. She is a part of the family now...my kids hate it and there is nothing I can do about it...

House is on the market...but the market is so slow right now...

When the house sells...all my debt will be gone and I'll have some in the bank, but until then...

well, dang, girl, it sounds like you really are doing all that you can. Can you give your lawyer a call and explain the sitch, maybe apply some pressure on WH?

This is just absolute crap!

Is there a housing/homeowners assistance agency in your municipality? We have one locally (non-profit...not one of those for-profit deals) that helps people avoid foreclosure and helps them get on track financially. I agree with others…you need some immediate intervention to avoid disaster, and an agency such as this may have an avenue to get that immediate order.

Check with your city or county government for direction, or better yet…do you have 211 in your area? For us, it’s the social service assistance number (like 411, 911, get it?) It is housed at our United Way.

Have you called your mortgage lender? They must have a process as well. Foreclosures are becoming very, very common, so they must be used to helping people deal with it.

Gas, water, electricity…I do not think that they can be simply turned off without some kind of notice. If you did receive some kind of shut-off notice, I’m sure it would include a number or a place to call for assistance. Once things get cut off, you may have to pay additional to get them re-hooked up, so it’s to no one’s advantage that this take place.

Sorry...I have lived in MI my whole life, and I don't know how things are done elsewhere. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I’m always surprised when I hear about people behind on CS. It worked like clockwork for me…on WH’s payday, the set amount goes right into my checking account…he never even sees it, the state garnishes it right from WH’s employer. And they got right on him about the arrears thing.

Can you drop the price on the house, just to get out from under a foreclsure? Then you keep all the equity -- your portion plus enough of his to cover the arrearages he owes.

You'd get less overall, and he'd still be screwed financially, since he wouldn't get any cash out of it, but it would make for a quicker sale and avoid a foreclosure.

Otherwise, ther have got to be some programs out there that will help .... I'm sure you've checked into lots of them, but maybe there is something else. Maybe a women's shelter would have some leads for you?

Can't believe he is so far behind on his CS!! That's sickening.

-AmI.

IMO, your attorney should be on top of this and doing the legwork for you!!!

Then WH should be slapped with your attorney fees.

This is a problem of WH’s making, not yours. Get your attorney on the phone toot sweet and just tell him to handle it and do whatever needs to be done so that you don’t lose your house and the utilities stay on. I don’t understand why your attorney isn’t dealing with the lender, the utility companies, or getting a letter from the state indicating that this is in the black hole of bureaucracy and they need to back off.

sorry if I sound pissy, this just makes me mad!!!

We have no atty.'s We did everything in pro per...

So...I obviously can't afford one right now...LOL

Ohhhh....sorry for my rant, then!

Is there a Legal Aid agency? Call the local Bar Association. They should be able to direct you.

And call your municipality, major social service agency, whatever. There ARE systems in place to prevent this kind of thing. You just need to find the right mechanism.

I'll keep racking my brain.

Call the State today! When we were in the process of getting custody of my nephew, we waited and waited and waited. I finally got on the horn and stirred up a hornet's nest. I called the State down in Austin, asked for a supervisor and raised holy h3ll. Told them everything this poor kid had been through, yada yada yada. I called the next day and the day after that AND followed it up in writing. I found email addresses for that particular office and emailed EVERYONE.

In other words, I wasn't going away until someone explained to me why the delay. Turns out the paperwork was sitting on someone's desk. "We're so sorry! We didn't know how this happened." It was taken care of within the week. Sometimes you just gotta light a fire under their bureaucratic behinds.

In the meantime, your email to your WH was way too soft. You need to send him a DEMAND letter stating that he has x amount of days to bring the CS current or to make a good faith effort to do so. Copy the state agency on your email or letter to him as well as a copy to the Judge who issued the order. That oughta get him moving.

In other words, let him know you ain't playin' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

hELLO, I KNOW THAT THERE IS A PROGRAM HERE IN TOWN THAT WILL HELP OUT WITH THE ELectric bill...

Sorry for the caps...at work...there's also a program calling TANF (temporary assistance to needy families0

Also something for Family support: financial needs

I don't know if they have anything like this in your state but to get you an idea...

just throwing some things out there! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

"I am close to losing my house (which selling is my only hope for getting out of this mess), my car, the gas, phone, etc..."

As far as the car is concerned can you call the loan company and ask them for a one month extension...that will at least help you with one month...they may even be able to do two if you explain the sitch...

These is where they simply take those payments and tack them on to the end of the month...or what about an interest payment?

i've had to do some stuff like this when I was living at home with POWS!

edited to add this website for you:

CalWorks or Temporary Assistance to Needy Families

If you think he has the money, he just isn't sending it to you, then I'd suggest filing contempt charges. You don't need a lawyer to do that.

If he doesn't have the money, but has some assets (a vehicle, his new place, something...?), then you could file for a judgement and take some of those assets.

I bet the doc prep service you used could help you out with both of those. Check your state judicial website, they often have self-help forms and instructions for filing things like this.

Also, does your child support enforcement agency know about this? You could get them on his tail if they are useful at all (ours is not). There are also companies who will go out and collect CS arrearages for you, for a percentage of what they collect. I think these guys can get pretty vicious, kind of like regular bill collectors.

Maybe cc his parents on the e-mail you sent outlining how far in arrears he is .... Do they have the means to catch him up?

How infuriating that he's unwilling to help take care of his own kids.

Yikes, IHC. Some good advice rolling in for you, I think.

Here's mine: don't let the depression paralyze you into inaction. You need to be doing something about this. Start using the term Deadbeat Dad and rattle some cages. Like Sis said, there are agencies for this.

What about going to his employer? Do they know how far in arrears he is?

You're still talking nicely to him about this, but that time is long past, and he needs to be hit with a sledgehammer.

Please stay in touch to let us know which of these you're following up with so that we can know how best to help.

(((IHC)))

This is one of those support services that help collect CS:

www.supportkids.com

That is what has been happening up to this point. I just didn't know how to fix it, so I just pretended things were going to get better...you know, he'd start paying! DUH.

I have a friend who has given me all the local contact info for the programs you are all suggesting. I should be following up with them tomorrow.

I have already deferred my car payment earlier this year, they would not allow me to do it for more than one month though at that time...so I am sure it won't happen again, but I am going to call anyway.

I want to be Forest Gump and just RUN....until one day I don't feel like running anymore!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

IHC,

Here are some things that I did that helped me financially until the CS was garnished and direct deposited every month in a timely manner:

* I called the mortgage company, explained my sitch, and they had a plan were I could put off a payment and add it to the end of my loan. Another plan they had gave me the option to pay "interest only" one month...so I had four months and then I had to pay a full payment. CALL YOUR MORTGAGE COMPANY!! They don't want you to default, and they will help you!!

* I called all the creditors (heat, electric, phone, cable, internet, etc.) explained the sitch and asked them what programs THEY HAD to help me get over the hump. Heat and electric have low-income plans. Phone let me change my plan to a cheaper plan. I got cable down to basic, and canceled internet and got dial-up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Yeah it was slow but I could at least get on MB. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> I also got "steady billing" or whatever from heat and electric so it was always one price.

* I called my church and asked them if they had a temporary loan fund or some kind of fund to help a mom in my sitch. They give me a gift and they also had a food bank that got me macNcheese, bread, PB, and some other food basics every week.

* I got foodstamps. Yes, it was embarrassing and I had to swallow my pride, but then I did have to use the money on FOOD and I could use it to pay a bill.

* I arranged with some creditors to pay smaller amounts every week rather than a monthly big amount...cuz the smaller amount was a little easier for me.

* I paid everything with cash! No credit cards or checks, cuz I didn't want to take the risk of bouncing a check and getting a check fee...or get in CC debt.

* I called the bank and asked them for help/suggestions. I didn't want another loan, but they did show me that if I paid this and this and this in one payment, it would be "paid off" and then I could use that money to make a decent payment toward that and that and that. Then I called those creditors and they agreed to do it cuz I had gone through my bank.

* I called a consumer credit counseling place, and on some of the debts that were old leftovers from my exH, they helped me negotiate a "settlement payment" and when it would be. I then gave my money to the credit counseling place, and THEY paid the creditors ... plus they stopped calling me!! No more people yelling at me!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

If you need more ideas, why don't you email me? My email is in my profile, if you click on my name.


Your mama bee,



CJ

{{{{{{{IHC}}}}}}}

I never posted to you before but I was reading your sitch and it sounds eerily similar to mines. I also have 5 kids under 11 and it took forever, okay over a year, for me to get a dime from my WXH. I was in danger of losing everything and there were times when I did not know what I would feed my children. My van even broke down so I had no transportation for awhile.

PRAY...God will supply your needs, I promise you He will if you trust in Him...there are things that have happened that I knew that it was only God. I won't get into the details but really trust him. There was a time when I thought God had let this and that happen (breakup of M, how WXH treated the kids and I, etc) so no thanks, can't handle anything else bad that God allows to happen...but an amazing thing happen and God showed himself mighty.

I will be praying for you also but you must pray yourself for God to move.

Also you must take the suggestions of aid from the State, and calling the mortgage co and creditors; pray before you call.

God Bless,
Pepsi