I could really use some help. Can someone please tell me if there is a time limit in which I have to deal with finding out about an affair? Can someone please tell me how to deal with his anger when he is the one who cheated? Honestly, he is more angry with me than I am with him and it infuriates me, confuses me and just plain makes me feel like I am losing my mind. My husband cheated on me 5 years ago with a woman he worked with, the truth came out, he promised me he ended it, two years I found out he had not cut off contact with her as he had promised, she eventually left shortly after that to have yet "another" baby, I just found out last weekend that she is now back at work, hubbie is furious with me for being upset that she is back in our lives and trust me she is, we are barely speaking again. Today he through in my face that he is tired of "paying" and that I am asking way too much of him. What I asked was that he have no contact with her, share any emails she sends work related or not, no more secrets, (he forgot to tell me she was coming back to work). If none of this is making sense it is because I am so very upset at his response, anger. Please, someone help me make sense of this.

Niecie,

I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. It sounds like things have just picked up again with you H and OW; that's why they recommend no contact for life. You may want to post on GQII as there is more traffic there. The pro's will be able to provide you more help and guidance. You may want to put your "stats" in your signature line. Yours and H's ages, how long married, children ages and genders etc.

I pray that your H is strong enough (and man enough) to stay true to you.

I know your pain - my husband had his affair last year but I just found out all the sorrid details two months ago and it was like living through all this again. He gets mad at me when I try to make sense of things and yells at me like it was my fault he decided to go to someone else. My best advice for you is to get counseling for yourself first and then if he will ask him to come but if not you have to understand it is not your fault - no matter what happened on your side he is the one who made the decision to be unfaithful period. That is what makes my husband the most mad is when I point that little tidbit out when he tries throwing everything in my face and blaming me. Stay strong and get help even if your insurance won't pay for maybe there is a pastor or priest you can speak with. Anyone not tied in to the situation as they will be biased. Good Luck!

It's not a good sign when they get angry with you. If they have nothing to hide, they will hide nothing.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries! Don't let him tell you that what you are asking for is too much because it is not. I have learned alot listening to Dr. Phil recently too and he is pretty strict on this stuff.

Hang in there and hold strong to your needs. If the OW works with him, he should probably find another job.

Hugs!!!