Hi All,

I have been on the MB site for about two years now and need some advice. A brief history, my WW had an affair with my sisters H that lasted around 2 years. Once it was revealed we decided to try and work things out. We will “celebrate” our 20th anniversary in July. (See my signature line for details).

The problem is that WW has never really shown any remorse and things just do not seem to have changed much in the past 18 months. I feel that we are nothing more than roommates and I feel that I am only a meal ticket so to speak.

I have talked to several people, mostly family members, about this situation and most feel that leaving would be in my best interest. I am very unhappy and feel depressed most of the time. I am tired of sitting on the fence with this and need some advice.

What kind of questions would you suggest I ask an attorney when/if I were to hire one?

I know that I must go into this with a well-laid plan to make this transition work out in my and my DD best interest.

I appreciate any advice, as I have never had to take such a drastic step as this. I am scared of what the future may hold, but I can’t let that hold me back any longer.

Thanks,
Ken

it sounds like since you accecpted her back it was like forgive and forget and the fact she had an affair is no longer valid. It never really matters if the have a affair anyway.

Follow your heart.. it seems as though when people give advice if you dont do what they say they get miffed pretty easy. Only you can know what is best for you.

If you are going to forgive then forgive and move forward and do not throw it back in thier face.
If you do then you have not forgiven them..

Bottom line, do you want to stay or go..

ask for different things to try,,,

if you dont try something different you will get the same result time after time.....

Im out

Steve,

So, have you two done any marriage counseling?

Seems like you both have some unmet emotional needs? Have you discussed that?

Has the affair been exposed?

What have you done to work on your marriage? How has it worked? What has worked? What did you try that didn't work?

Hi Ken,

First of all,I can appreciate that your friends and family want to help,but unless they have been through what you have,they don't really understand.

Personally,I think you should wait before going to any attorney and first ask yourself it it's really over.For many MB'ers,there is a specific time when you just feel you are done,that's it.I know that is was that way for me.There were no more chances and I was not going to give my ex any more of my time.To this day he's still with the OW and living his nomad life.

For those BS's who have not had a true feeling of remorse from their WS's,that can be a real set back since as we know,many WS's just want to quickly put the A behind them,after discovery,and move on.But many never really do the work necessary to fix the marriage or their emotional illness and plod along never really making things that much better.

IMO it isn't really so much about EN's either.Sure that can be a part of it but the core reasons for what these people do and live their lives is always there whether or not EN's are being met or not.Who wants to be with a perosn who cannot give all of themselves to you in a healthy, emotional way?

Did you ever go to counseling (sorry haven't read your old posts)? Did your sisters marriage survive? Do you still *see them? Are there any parts of your marriage that you feel are going well right now?

I hope you have received the benefit of marriage counseling or coaching. Couples cannot expect to have everything just repair itself because they are living together and the affair is over. It's the elephant in the middle of the room.

Without work, without an honest view inside the relationship before the A took place (this needs to be *with* a qualified professional), you will stagnate, and yes, feel like roommates. Both of you have emotional issues that need to be put on the table and you need to be guided down the path of recovery.

I would so strongly recommend this prior to a hasty move toward an attorney visit and filing.