Ordinarily that would be a favorite topic of mine.

Maybe I'll make a giant lasagna tonight. I've got a bunch of fresh thyme, basil, and oregano. The kids would like it.

I don't know how I'm going to cope.

Imagine the absolute worst thing a WW could say to her husband. Now imagine her saying it so the children can hear.

That's where I am right now.

Less than 12 hours have passed since I filed the paperwork and already it's nuclear.

Please tell me this is as bad as it gets.

Well, let's see.

Did she call you a terrible father?

Did she call you insane?

Did she tell you she hates you?

If she said the first or second one, you know the thoughts are motivated by anger and fear.

If she said the third one, at least hate is better than apathy.

Pio and others should weigh in here. You need to protect yourself and the children from angry outbursts. Remove yourself and them from the situation. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.

Pep, Pio, Resilient, what should Jethro be telling the kiddies at this point (mom is very angry because ___, this is not about you, blah, blah.)?

How about "OM is a better man than you are in every way."

I left the situation. I was upstairs alone for about an hour when she came up and said "I'm taking the kids away for the night. I'm feeling threatened."

She's already trying to talk herself into filing for a restraining order or something. I don't know what she's planning. At this point NOTHING would surprise me.

Talk to your lawyer. Document. What are her rights to take the kids away from the house? She's obviously mad as he11, but that doesn't mean she can inflict damage on you and the kids. If she's talking about OM in front of the kids, I'd have to say it's time for "the talk." Birthdays, holidays be damned.

Jethro,

Would you mind sending me an email - bigkahuna_mb@yahoo.com.au

Well, she sounds like a typical wayward wife to me. The problem is, she doesn't know she is so typical. She is believing in a fantasy. The affair always ends. In the less than 1% that don't, and marry, one is usually cheating on the other sooner or later. But of course, they all think that their "love" will be different. LOL.

The guy sure doesn't seem like a better man than you - isn't he abandoning his wife and family? YIKES - your wife must have some low standards.

Believer, well put.

Okay, I need advice. WW has clearly gone nuclear. Her goals are to

* Destroy me physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
* Denigrate my abilities as a father
* Destroy my relationship with my children
* Pretend to feel "threatened" in order to have me removed from the house and cut me out of my children's lives
* Grind me down until I give up and walk away with nothing


Question: What particular tactics can I expect in the coming weeks? If I know better what she might do I'll be better able to prepare.

Jethro - did you get my email?

Jethro-
It sounds like you need some legal advice in addition to emotional support. What specifically can you do so that she doesn't feel "threatened" while still protect yourself and the kiddies? Whatever the answer is, I'd focus on that. Right now, it's like a game of "Blink." You need to hold your ground without escalating the situation.

You don't need details. You need to assume full attack and prepare for the worst.

L.

A lot of these escalations come from lawyers. Look at good father's thread. Lawyers will bait and prod you until you snap, then use it against you. Lawyer tells your wife the right language to use. "I don't feel safe." "I'm feeling threatened." This is not WW's language. If she didn't feel safe or felt threatened, why did she wait until she had a boyfriend to leave? If you guys had a history of domestic violence or if she had left you many times in the past with the children "because she didn't feel safe," then maybe I'd feel more inclined to believe her story.

DO NOT SNAP. Walk away when confronted.

Sadly, this will continue to get worse, even after both of you retreat, because lawyers are advising you both to do things as if the marriage can never be saved. The lawyers are asking you to treat each other as permanent enemies, and having you do things that cannot be retracted. That's their job. Your job is decide what advice to take and what advice to ignore. WW's lawyer is telling her to get you to do something so she can call the cops on you. Your lawyer will also want you to find any evidence to paint her as an unstable wife and mother. As I said, THATS THEIR JOB.

It really sucks to watch you guys go through this. Please don't self-destruct under the pressure, for everyone's sake.

Quick update:

There is an emergency custody hearing scheduled. WW is in the thrall of her lawyer and the OM. Everything is a battle, down to the simplest communications regarding the kids.

WW is absolutely panicked about the hearing, and that is being translated into anger and hatred towards me.

WW is still (as far as I know) employed, but she may quit her job thinking it will help her custody case. OM was fired. WW has been trying to find OM a job in the area. I have no idea if he's been successful. He'll be moving here soon, job or no job. His sugar momma will pay his bills for him until he gets back on his feet.

The kids have been told we're getting divorced. They are devastated. WW constantly claims they are "perfectly fine". WW moved out 7/16. She originally planned to move the kids in with OM asap, but she seems to have gotten the message that doing so would be a bad thing for the kids and a bad thing for her custody case. So OM is, for the time being, shoved off in a corner while WW deals with all the pesky baggage surrounding the children. Suffice to say thier fantasy life of great jobs, travel, rotating custody, etc. is completely in the crapper.

Life is pretty miserable. I'll update again after the hearing.