Pijitos,
Your coolness conforts me. Thanks for being so frank. I am going back to my job, apartment, and other life today. I am going to try very hard not to deal with WH. Right now since I'm so angry it won't be much of a problem. But when he starts calling, as he did before, that is when it gets tough. We have a daughter together. He will probably use her as an excuse to call there.

I have a question. He has put me on hold. His probation will be over next summer. He keeps saying that when that happens he wants to get away from here. It feels like he is holding on to her and putting me on hold for when he can move to where we are. I don't like that. I feel like he should give her up now out of respect for me and our family and be a faithful husband. It seems that the options are 1)wait it out and try to forgive when the time comes, and 2) divorce. Neither of which are prefered by me.

Well, I'm the eternal optimist. My suggestion is to try to implement a very serious Plan B. When his probation is up, see how he has changed and see if you can forgive him. If you stay with him until his probation is up, you will hate him so much you won't want the marriage. Plan B will keep your feelings protected. You do share a daughter together and you do have to communicate but you need to do that through an intermediary. I don't see the need to divorce right now as long as you still desire to try to save the M. But if you do go Plan B, you cannot have any direct contact with WH.

He wants to keep her for the year and then move on to you? I'm not sure I would like being his second choice. And then what happens in a year? Will he make good on his promise? Will OW not try to follow him?

This affair is not continuing because he is tied to his location and OW is too much of a draw for him. This A is continuing because he is getting away with it. So far there has been no downside for him. I would stand on my head for a year for my WW if I had to. His excuses for his behavior simply have no merit.

You move back. Take the job and in one year's time, you will have a life back. You will have self-respect. And, if your H is really serious about the M, you'll have a husband too.

I did send my WW off. Six weeks later she was begging to come back. Some do come back and some don't. I don't believe that your going away will be what does your M in. On the contrary, if you stay and you allow him to continue the A for another year, you won't want the M any more.

Thanks. Sounds like a plan. My daughter can call on her own so I really won't have any need to talk to him unless we have some sort of emergency or extreme behavior problems. Thanks so much. I'll let you know how it goes. I gotta finished packing now. I'll post again soon.

He called this morning. He said that he wants me to stay. Apparently my desire for my marriage to work overrides my anger and hurt. I am confused now, for I can't trust him.
If he would have just called a couple of days ago I would have jumped on it and been willing to work. But because of his hesitance to accept NC and MC, and him telling me to wait. I am afraid to trust him. I don't have to be back in Georgia until the 16th. I was thinking of staying until then to see if he will initiate counseling reading books etc. Am I being STUPID?

So he wants you to stay. What is he offering? I'm guessing it won't be NC with the OW. All he has to do is get you to stay past your drop dead date and then he can do as he pleases. So what is he willing to give up for you to give up your job? Haven't you been down this road before?

I am hearing you with ears only. I'm a mess. I'll get back with you, gotta think.

Anyway, I left I am back in Georgia. You were right ghostrider, he was half steppin'. He wasn't offering much. Saying he doesn't want me to be upset if I give up my job and all if we don't work out. I guess that meant he wasn't sure of his commitment to me and to the NC with the OW. Anyway, we are in Plan b now. I am afraid,, as I was before that Out of sight will be out of mind and that he will enjoy the freedom to be with the OW. I have read SAA now. It was a good read and I am hoping that My "Sue, Greg, and John" situation ends well also. I feel lots of things right now. Grateful that I didn't give up my life, but angry that he couldn't let go of her, angry about the fact that I am lonely and with out a companion while he is messin' around, but at the same time not willing to commit adultry myself. Nor am I sure if I could even have another relationship at this point. July 7 began our 2nd year of separation but this past year we were talking on the phone on a regular basis and I went home and was with him 2 weeks on CHristmas break. This time I am really trying to stick to the Plan B guidelines (I didn't have any guidance through this at first). Perhaps it will work for me this year.