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mimi_here #1911557 08/08/07 09:59 AM
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Oh Meggy!

You gotta love that! BUGS now the one grinning an EVIL grin:).

And Mimi is right. Now that there is NO response from me, just WHAT will they talk about?

Well, the fun party life is gotta be running out soon. Drac is almost outta money (well he does now have all tha savings not supporting me LOL!). But school is starting next week. Think THAT will bring a HUGE dose of reality to Affairland!

He can talk to her about his work, but she is unskilled in her ability to support or advise him at his level. Besides, I have a feeling it is only the $$ and fringe benefits she cares about. Soon, he will be spending more time at the JOB (he'll have to to keep it). She ain't gonna like or support THAT!

Hmmmm. In the meantime I will be happily settling in at home. Having a Great, normal, calm routine with DD and DSS when he is there. Fun projects, new friends, new church, and who knows what else?!

Of course, all with my Diva shades one! Ha!


BS (me)
ExWS -Drac
DD 9
DSS 15
D Day 11/06
Divorced 10/01/07

"You Can't Fix Stupid" - My Mom
Bugsmom #1911558 08/08/07 10:29 AM
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Bugs:

Keep on Rocking!

LG

mimi_here #1911559 08/08/07 10:41 AM
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You're probably right Mimi... cause that was one thing Bugs was VERY good at with DRAC <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
princessmeggy #1911560 08/08/07 01:02 PM
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Silly girl! You still get to DO things! Just not for Drac.

Plan A -- do things for Drac that meet his EN's.

Plan B -- do things for Bugs that meet her EN's.

Lexxxy #1911561 08/08/07 03:59 PM
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Lexxx,

I have to tell you I struggle with that. Having my Mom as an example, God Bless her, she always put the needs of others First and herself always last.

I realize now how that can be a bad thing when it goes too far. I kept stuffing down my needs instead of acknowledging them, figuring out what they were, how I needed them to be met, and did not communicate them to Drac. Instead I grew angry, frustrated and resentful. My Taker was there, I just didn't know how to manage her in my M.

I am working on that still. So, for tonight, I will clean up DD's room, pack some stuff, and them treat myself to a nice long relaxing bubble bath with candles, music, and a glass of wine. No kids tonight!I figure I can use up those points from yesterday on a nice bottle of wine!

Speaking of points, this should count for a few. Last night, when I realized I no longer have long distance on the phone, I realized at the same time that DD could not call Drac!! His only phone is a cell and it is Long Distance!

At first, I considered not having her call. HE shut down the long distance!! As much as I would have liked to have done that, I still had her call from my cell. WHY? Because not having her call would indicate he was getting to me in some way. It would have been acknowledging him and his bullchip actions. Not gonna do it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


BS (me)
ExWS -Drac
DD 9
DSS 15
D Day 11/06
Divorced 10/01/07

"You Can't Fix Stupid" - My Mom
Bugsmom #1911562 08/08/07 06:45 PM
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I disagree.

Having her NOT call is a direct consequence of his very own actions.

Lexxxy #1911563 08/08/07 06:48 PM
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and what happened to getting her a cell phone?

what were your Plan B instructions on communicating with DD?

Lexxxy #1911564 08/08/07 09:14 PM
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Lexxx,

I was going to reply to you and then circunstances changed.

The phone is now turned completely OFF. I only learned of this when my sister tried to call and got the message that this is not a working number!

What if I need to call 911?? What of his daughter needs an ambulance!

I am so MAD! So ANGRY, disapppinted and hurt! Even though I have tried to expect the worst. This is going too far!

Please, someone tell me something to help me gain control of myself!


BS (me)
ExWS -Drac
DD 9
DSS 15
D Day 11/06
Divorced 10/01/07

"You Can't Fix Stupid" - My Mom
Bugsmom #1911565 08/08/07 09:18 PM
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No using your cell phone to call him. You're not to enable any of his emotional needs, including his need to be a father. He cut his own daughter from contacting him. Let him fall. All the way.

He's really digging hard to get your attention and reaction and OUT OF PLAN B into his plan again.

Let your attorney know so that child support and visitation can be adjusted to even less favorable conditions for him. Endangering his child is a biggie.


Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
Bugsmom #1911566 08/08/07 09:21 PM
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Hi Bugs,
I have never really posted to you but have followed your story. Just remember he is upping the ante now. He wants to get a reaction out of you. Don't give into the urge. You have a cell phone if you need to make any calls right? I know it sucks, that he has done this but try to remain calm and rational even in the face of the storm. You can do it. He is hoping you will get emotional and come out of your Plan B. Stand firm.

robertswife #1911567 08/08/07 09:30 PM
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Kayla & Robertswife,

Thanks. I know that those are the answers but gosh darn it, I am so mad and emotional right now!

He Can still press my buttons! Darn him! I REFUSE to break the darkness of plan B! I am saying that to myself more than anyone!!

I was thinking of sending a distribtion email tomorrow at work, letting everyone know that my home number has been disconnected by my estranged husband. The deal with that is that we are 'co-workers'.

Ugh!! What is left here of his that I can go break??


BS (me)
ExWS -Drac
DD 9
DSS 15
D Day 11/06
Divorced 10/01/07

"You Can't Fix Stupid" - My Mom
Bugsmom #1911568 08/08/07 09:36 PM
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lol....there u go....breaking stuff... good stress reliever...let ur A know first thing tomorrow Bugs...let her deal with it...call a gf and have a good vent session...Drac cant stand he has no control of the situation so prepare urself for more .....

gabie8 #1911569 08/08/07 09:39 PM
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Unfortunately, you can't expose this without letting him know he got you. There has to be a more stealthy way to shame him. Let your attorney handle it. She'll figure something out - and present it to the judge. Shame on him. Let it be someone else delivering it.


Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
KaylaAndy #1911570 08/08/07 09:56 PM
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Gabie & Kayla,

I already emailed my A. I owed her a reply about When we were going to tell Drac about the move.

I am letting her deal with this.

He will not get a reaction, even 3rd party from me. I am gathering myself together. I will 'expose' his latest dirty trick, but only in a factual way.

Have vented here and with a gf. Feeling a bit better. Off to take that bubble bath I promised myself!

Can't thank you enough for being here for me tonight!! Bless you!


BS (me)
ExWS -Drac
DD 9
DSS 15
D Day 11/06
Divorced 10/01/07

"You Can't Fix Stupid" - My Mom
Bugsmom #1911571 08/08/07 10:01 PM
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Have a relaxing bubblebath Bugs....get a good nights sleep....ur always in my prayers....God Bless You

Bugsmom #1911572 08/08/07 10:23 PM
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Quote
I will 'expose' his latest dirty trick, but only in a factual way.


what do you mean by this?


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
gabie8 #1911573 08/08/07 10:26 PM
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Bugs --
I'm in awe of your ability to control yourself!
It is really a talent and skill.
Because his antics are designed to get a reaction out of you.

Let your attorney deal with this. What he has done is LOUSY ROTTEN and SCUMMY. You offered to take over these bills, have documentation to that affect, and he shut them off without notifying you - thereby harming DD.

He should be ashamed of himself.

Lexxxy #1911574 08/08/07 10:59 PM
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Ok, am a bit more relaxed after a nice bath.

Mimi, What I meant about exposing factually, was I can send an email to my 'major' contacts in the company that says something to the effect of 'pls do not contact me via my home phone number, as my estranged husband has cancelled this service without my knowledge'.

Lexxx,

I do not feel very in control of myself, but am trying hard! Am trying to let this go when I really want to kick him in the family 'jewels'


BS (me)
ExWS -Drac
DD 9
DSS 15
D Day 11/06
Divorced 10/01/07

"You Can't Fix Stupid" - My Mom
Bugsmom #1911575 08/08/07 11:21 PM
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Bugs, seems like I remember that even if you have no phone service you can still dial 911.


Happiness is not having what you want, it's wanting what you have.

WWPBSD?
Bugsmom #1911576 08/08/07 11:21 PM
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I really wouldn't put the bit about "estranged husband" in there...that has the potential of getting back to him and giving him the satisfaction of knowing that he got to you (because it seems like a "dig" at him). I would just simply say that the service was cancelled without your knowledge or permission.

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