Bugs:

It's as my psycologist says. They are control freaks. Unless you pull the control away they will never be able to get help or need help.

Don't let him control you, Go deeper into the dark.

Again 1 thessalonians 4: 13

But I would not have you to be ignorant, bretheren, concerning them who are asleep (unbelievers), that ye sorrow not, even as others who have no hope.


See that if we were being ignorant then we would not cry for our husbands. Not only do we cry because we miss them, but we cry because we worry about their salvation as well.

and in verse 5 :
"Not in the lust of sensuality even as the Gentiles who know not God:

Our husbands do not know the Lord right now. Our job is to be quiet and to do our own business, but to pray full hartedly that they may come to salvation through Christ.


My favorite verse is vs 24 in the same chapter.

Faithful is HE that calleth you, who also will do it.
God is so faithful to us. He called us to join in his army. He will do as we ask. Give him time. Don't rush him. He needs to perfect our husbands. We wouldn't want them to come home and do this to us again. Let's keep praying til they are saved and then come home.


Lord, I pray that every stander for their marriage might be able to withdraw themselves from their prodigal, wayward spouses that walketh disorderly and not after the tradition which you received of us.

As standers in the flesh we sometimes walk disorderly, working not at all, but as busybodies worrying about our marriages.

Lord it hurts us. We do not wish to be as fools as our Wayward spouses. Help us to concentrate on your work instead of our marriages.

We pray that through Jesus Christ working in us, we might be able to work with quietness and eat of our own bread, and be not weary in doing well.

We pray that if our spouses don't obey your word that you might give us the strength to have no company with them so that our wayward spouses might be ashamed.

We do not count them as an enemy Lord, but we love them with the unconditional love that you have taught us through your son Jesus Christ.

We pray that the word of the Lord may have free course with us, and be glorified as it is with you. That we might be delivered from unreasonable and wicked spouses;for not all spouses have faith.

Lord, you are faithful, and we trust that you will keep the standers from evil.

We have confidence that you Lord, that you will enable us standers to do the things of which you commanded us.

Lord we cry out to you, please direct our hearts into the Love of God, and into the patient waiting for Christ.

Amen.

Your pain is due to him having too much direct contact with you.

Lexx is correct..GO DARKER...

Cause with each CONTACT your WITHDRAWAL starts all over again..

((((BUGS))))

THIS TOO SHALL PASS...

THE DARKEST HOUR IS JUST BEFORE DAWN...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

It's kind of like when my son was about four years old and walked in the living room towards the front door with a blanket over his head. HE thought he was DARK and that we couldn't see him. DRAC still gets to SEE you because you've only got a blanket over your head at this point.

Time to get even darker and respond ONLY through intermediary and ONLY for life and death matters. All the scheduling stuff, etc. he can figure out for himself. Cause that's what he'd have to do if he REALLY couldn't contact you.

Mimi! Hi there sweetie!


TOO funny that I was just thinking of this EXACT phrase yesterday!! Even when we haven't talked, we are thinking the same things?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />:) Hope you are well!

Meggy,,,,,,


Ok, now THAT is funny! Does it make it any better if I graduate from a sheet to a quilt?? he he!! I hear what you are saying!

I did not respond to either of his messages on Friday. No contact at all yesterday and should be none for quite a while. He'll be out of town, as will I most of this coming week. I have set up from Mom & Sis to take care of DD for me, so we're all set.

Mom & I did WAAYY too much work yesterday, and my body hurts today but in a good way. Actually, I think I am hurting more from the 2 bottles of champagne we drank last night! Had some folks over and just sat out on the screened in porch and had a great time. I called DD, but barely got to speak to her, they were at a party and it was too loud for her to hear me. This kind of thing happens a lot when she is with him. It ticks me off, but I don't say anything to her or to Drac about it. Why?

So, another good friend is coming over to see the house today. I gotta go do some pool maintenance. Will ck back later!

Drop off completed w/no problem.

Well, other than I looked out the upstairs window and saw him. He did not see me. He was dressed up - guess it is date night. He hung around for several minutes acting like he was NOT looking at the house, when he really was.

DD told me tonight that she does not want to go with Drac for the holiday weekend. She even cried. So, am thinking I may take kids for the weekend. This would be in line with what the plan says. The only thing is that Drac will have 2 Memorial days in a row as he will get it again next year.

I just hate to see her cry like that. She said again how much she hates us being apart, meaning 'us' as a family. She said Drac told her that this 'can't be fixed', he told her this some time ago.

Well, enough Drac talk.

My friend J came and spent a couple hours just visiting. We went out for lunch. I mowed the lawn and treated the pool, and raked leaves.

DD did try for a bit to ride her bike without her training wheels. She had me put them back on. She was 'embarassed' to have anyome seeing her try to learn to ride. I used to be the same way at her age. Next time I will pull the car out of the garage and work with her in there.

Tomorrow am going to call about getting her in dance and tumbling classes.


BTW - Drac has stopped his auto deposits into DD's savings account. He had been doing for several months and said it was 'child support'. Guess he figures the D will soon be final and he will be paying via ck?


Well, better go pack for my trip.

Morning!

I did not sleep very well last night, but when I did sleep, I dreamed. Unfortunately, I dreamed of Drac. This hasn't happened in a long time. It was not a perfect fantasy dream, but it did involve us starting to talk about recovery being possible and we spent time meeting each others "needs",,,,,.

I guess it was because I saw him out the window yesterday that got my mind to going there again. Sigh,,,,oh well.

So, anyone have any thoughts on my having DD for the holiday weekend? She was adamant about it again this am. I will have to have Drac contacted to confirm this. I am also wanting to register her for dance and gymnastics, so I supposed I'll let him know that in the same message to keep the # of contacts down to a minimumn

Am going to get some work done before heading to the airport. Hope everyone has a GREAT week!

Bugs:

EVERY night is date Night to the Wayward.

Once you get rid of the responsibilities, then let the party begin.

He was hanging around BECAUSE he wanted you to see him.

If there WAS a breakup, he wanted you to be CHECKING HIM OUT.


And about DD? Not wanting to go on the trip?

Good luck with that, you can get into a pretty dramatic fight over it now. DD's tears mean nothing to Drac. She needs to do that with Drac.

That might help.

Others will tell you to fight tooth and nail to keep her from going because "she doesn't want too" I have no qualms with that argument. Just think about which way might in the long run, accomplish your long term goal.

Yes, your DD might be harmed in this proces, but she already has been. The goal in to minimizethe future harm as much as possible.

Otherwise, glad you had a fun weekend. What do you think of pool maintenance? If I could figure out how to keep the grass clippings from going into the pool while mowing the lawn, I would be in much better shape.....

LG

LG,

I have decided to keep DD for the weekend,,, it goes with the "Plan". I do not expect a "fight" about it, but will have to see. If so, then so be it. Not going to worry about it.



I just don't "get" that. Why would he want ME checking him out? He doesn't want me,,,,so what's the point? Expecially as he was on his way to another date?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Your mention of no responsibilities is on the mark. The ones he DOES have, he is ignoring. Apparently DSS was left home alone last night. FIL was going to go by to check on him, but he was left to go to bed on his own. UGH!! How selfish! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I am doing ok with the pool maintenance. It got cloudy after a rain, but I have it cleared up!! WHOO HOO! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Grass clippings? How about a bagger on the mower? Or blow is AWAY from the pool???? Come on, aren't you manly men supposed to know all about that stuff?? he he! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Best wishes on your trip. I hope that you enjoy yourself and I look forward to hearing from you about it.

You sounds like you are in a great frame of mind!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Bugs:

What makes you think that he NO LONGER WANTS YOU?

HE trys almost daily to get you to react to him.

He still WANTS you, But you are not letting him HAVE YOU.

The rest is just the process moving along.

And if HO has stepped away, then even forcing the D isn't getting Drac what he really WANTS.

No responsibilities....That was my attraction during my A.

AS for the mower... Too much lawn and not enough bagger... And yes, I BLOW it away from the pool!, but it doesn't always co-operate! And the GRASS is always thickest right next to the apron of the pool....That darn splashing!

LG

Rin,

Hey there! Yes, am feeling OK today and yesterday was pretty good, too! Too bad this trip isn't for "fun", but will be in a training class for 3 days and it's not one that I am enjoying just yet. Had 3 days of it in June which were very hard.

LG,


Well, perhpas Drac wants my attention, but he doesn't want the total package of Bugs, and as you say, the responsibilities of a real R.

Funny, though, like it or not, the responsibilities WILL be catching up with him. They may already be. He's still avoiding them as much as possible, but one can only do that for so long. Of course, he still has the "Blame Bugs for Everything" excuse working for him, too. Wonder if that plan will ever expire?
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Ok, I have 2 other words for you on the grass - - "LAWN SERVICE". THEY have to have a BIG BAGGER! OH, the things I could say about having a BIG BAGGER, but won't! he he!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Bugs:

About this:

"Of course, he still has the "Blame Bugs for Everything" excuse working for him, too. Wonder if that plan will ever expire? "

No. His "Blame the first wife plan" expired when you entered the picture.

LAWN SERVICE?

Had it for 8 years! They never used a bagger.... Big or Little..

Bought a mower to teach DS RESPONSIBILTY....

Take care of machine....
Take Care of Mowing...
Take care of trimming...


etc, etc...

Hasn't worked close to plan, yet!

LG

LG,

Well, I can speak to having a PLAN as well.

Guess who just called????

Wanted to talk about the kids for the weekend.

I asked "Is this an emergency?"

He said "It's about the kids. I don't know if will have time to check my email later and want to be sure I have things planned out for the weekend, that I have it all straight"

Bugs "Is this an emergency?"

Drac "It's about THE KIDS! Bugs, please can't we just be civil and talk about it. It's about the kids"

Bugs "No, I don't need to talk to you unless it is an emergency. I will contact you later on the weekend"

Drac "Bugs, please"

Bugs "Goodbye"

I am shaking right now!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Bugs,

Stop trying to apply rational thinking to irrational behavior. It simply doesn't work.

Good for you the way you handled Drac. Now close your eyes, take a deep breath, and try to relax.

LC

Excellent Job on your end of the conversation!

WOW!

How did he get through? Did he sneak attack from an unknown number through work?

Yeah, Bugs, he's *lovin* Plan B....

LC,

Thanks, you are right, I can't apply rational thinking to Drac. Good reminder!

I can't believe I held on to not talking to him! I was totally unprepared for the call,,,,,,,,,,,I almost never answer a call from a number I don't recognize. He always calls from his personal phone, which I know the number. He called from his work cell. With the new cell phone I have, I don't have all of the numbers programmed in, so it did not come up as his work cell. Many of my co-workers have similiar numbers, so I answered.

Perhaps it is a good thing that it happened in that I enforced a boundary!!???!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

He's back to the "Let's be friends. Let's be civil" thing. Apparently he thinks that is how it should be, despite my telling him specifically several times, we will NOT be friends. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

UH OH. There I go again! Being Rational! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

So, I will have a message sent later that I will have the kids for the weekend. Should I also include something like "Bugs has been explicit in her letter regarding contact with you. If you are wanting to talk about the future of your marraige with Bugs, let me know and I will advise her so that contact can be made. Otherwise, do not call Bugs unless it is an emergency" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Glad you LISTENED to your daughter...

It must be ABSOLUTELY SCARY for her to be with HIM...

Thankful that you are protecting her as much as possible from his EMOTIONAL ABUSE of her...

Hey Lexxx and Mimi!

Good to hear from you both!!

I don't know what's up with DD being so insistant on being with me for the weekend,,,,,,she hasn't shared anything specific and I don't push her to talk unless she wants to. However, it does make me wonder.

So,,,,,, do I have the Plan B Letter reference included in the communication later today or not??

I think you can text him or E-Mail him and say: I WILL TALK TO YOU WHEN YOU END YOUR AFFAIR FOR LIFE....or something like that..or "END YOUR AFFAIR..then WE can TALK" or "GET RID OF THE HO" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Steve coached me on making such SHORT AND SIMPLE comments when my H was trying to break through...