Eww. Waywards suck. Where is that shovel?

Tough day, Bugs, what with animals dropping like flies, but it sounds like you're doing great!

((Bugs))

Hey SD!

I was feeling a bit like Dr Kevorkian on Monday! Yikes!!

Yesterday was good. DD had a good day at school. Work was ok. Took DD to gymnastics and *I* joined the fitness club at the same place. So, now, atleast 2 days per week, I have NO excuse for not exercising! It felt good, but am a bit sore this morning. It will get better. I'm glad I did it before the "new year's' rush of new members!!

Ok, here's a couple of questions I will pose for input.

Drac is back in town today.

#1. Do I let him know of anything I've done in regards to DSS's schoolwork?
(I am thinking not,,,,,I don't want to put the counselor in the middle by letting Drac know I talk to him and all of the other isn't a big deal AND I don't want to go down the friendly co-parenting path with him)

#2. Do I let him know of DD's school Christmas program tomorrow night? (again, thinking not. It is posted on the school website, he 'should' have seen reminders in her backpack, and he's supposedly made arrangements to be notified of things by the school)

Thoughts??

((((Bugs))))

Let me answer your question with another question.

Is it your job to ensure that he is at these events? Is it your job to keep his calendar for him? Is it your job to make sure he's an active parent in his kids lives?

Ah,,, James!

How far we have BOTH come! Here you are asking me my own questions!! Thanks so much!

You are right,,,, none of that is MY job!

BTW, I've been keeping up with your thread & you sound good! I haven't posted much, as I haven't had much time, nor any better advice than what you are getting.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks Bugs.. I'm feeling good most of the time, which is a DEFINITE improvement.


Durn skippy.. and if he misses out? Well.. those are the consequences of his choices.

You sound like you're doing pretty good most days yourself.. I understand the plague upon critters on Monday was probably hard.. but it sounds like you handled it with the grace of a GODDESS <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LOL...BUGS is another that commands respect...she's my [email]kick@ss[/email] girl...part of the Angel pack! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good Morning! I just HAD to throw that in there this morning...even on your bad days you are still awesome!! LOL

have a great day!!
Rin

Well Rin, from your posts today, you are having a kick @ss day!! Thanks for the kudos!

I am pretty swamped at work & still have like 11 vacation days that if I don't take them, I lose them. I am certain that I will be working for most of them,,,, but that's Ok for the most part. I'd rather stay busy doing money makin' for me and BabyBugs! Trying to plan a fun vacation for next year. (BTW, she told me the other night that Drac is taking them to Disneyworld in Feb?? Reeallly? I think not. No school break in Feb and no lengthy time in his visitation schedule. But, am keeping quiet. Let him hang himself on that - it will be a bridge I'll cross IF or when it comes across my path)

I am guessing Drac made it back,,,, he was picking up BabyBugs from latch key. I got no phone call from them.

BEST news of the day - all of the Christmas shopping for the kids is DONE! Santa is done, Momma is done!! WHOO HOO!!

I just have 2 gifts left to buy! I am going to wrap my 'girlfriend' presents tonight. We are having our Christmas dinner Friday night. That will be a lot of fun. Saturday is present wrapping day/night!

I have a HUGE bottle of champagne chillin in the fridge for that occassion. All my Christmas movies & cds are lined up and ready to go! I LOVE wrapping presents!

BTW, Rin, That Sugarland song has been one of my Power Songs for a while now. BabyBugs and I CRANK it in the car all of the time. (sorry, can't stand the other song,,,you know why - babybugs asks me why I always skip it, I just say I don't like it).

Right now, her favorite song is All I want for Christmas Is a REAL good tan! It makes me laugh because based on the weather, I doubt Drac got one in Cancun.

*I*, on the other hand, intend to get an REALLy good one between Christmas and New Years. It's bought and paid for right down the street,,,,it's called fake & bake!! LOL!

Hey Bugs,

I am so there with the fake and bake. I LOVE IT and thank my WH I walk in the door. He paid for it. He would just love to know how happy it makes me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You sound awesome. You are such an inspiration to me and I love reading about what's happening.

I was grappling with the same issue about telling WH about upcoming school and sport events, especially when I go into Plan B. If I was really good I could get him added to the email system, but I am NOT that good. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

His choice, his consequence.

I am asking for help in one issue, well at least today. Can you help me figure out a name for my WH. I have tried to come up with something, but NOTHING and I love yours.

Thanks, SG

SG,

Hey there! Thanks for the kind words.

One note about schedules. On advice I got here, I did start an 'on line' calendar (google is where I went). I put DD's schedule for activites on it, as well as the visitation schedule. I sent Drac the address so that he can view it. IF he does or not is up to him. That way I've done MY part and there's no need to "communicate" with him beyond that.

Ohhh,,, a name,,, what's in a name?? I have to tell you that Mimi actually gave my WH his name of DRAC. I LOVE coming up with stuff like that, but it's hard to when it's your own situation, isn't it?? I'll have to re-read some of your thread to see if I can find some inspiration.

Any helpful hints you might have????

Hey Bugs,

I will look at the schedule idea. I am wondering that if I am in Plan B, do I want to be part of giving him information or does he need to learn to survive totally by his own devices.

When I look at the picture of him and me on a cruise trip that we took he was so careful, clean shaven and looked happy. Now he looks so old, angry all the time, serious, and has a beard that I HATE. As a matter of fact, he started growing it when his EA became a PA. Not sure if that helps or not. He is toxic and self righteous. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

But that isn't any different than anyone elses WH, sadly is it?

SG

Skins,,,

How about Captn Jack?? For the whole beard, pirate theme?

Or BlackBeard? BB?

Or Scurvy?? As in the disease that pirates would get from bad diet on board ship?

I'll keep thinking in case none of those work for you

About the communication in Plan B,,,I've found it a difficult line to walk,,, as do most BS's. We 'want' to do as we have always done and it's hard to resist. I try to give what I feel I 'have' to per the terms of the D. It's hard for me not to do more,,, it's just my nature.

Bugs,

GreyBeard has more ring to it as he gets grayer by the day. Though Scurvy seems more appropriate b/c of OW being crack addict with hep C and who know what else.

Then I just thought of CrabBeard b/c he can be SO crabby at times, when things aren't going his way. Just wait until he gets the LSA. He thinks he has challenges now.

Somehow I want to wipe that happy smiley/smirky "new life" face right off of him. That give you any ideas?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

But his cruetly and monsterness is what I most am experiencing.

How about Planktin? As in something that exists, but is so lowly that you will never stoop to acknowledge him in his wayward persona?

Or, in light of the monster aspect, Nessy? as in Loch Ness Monster?

Yes, oh yes, do I know the urge to wipe those smirks off their faces! The feeling that "Good Lord in Heaven, HOW could they possible be doing and saying these things" and wanting to bring the full WRATH upon them in that moment.

You will appreciate this,,,, when dropping DSS off Sunday, I went into the Drac house. He has the porch torn apart,,,,,it's been that way since I moved out in AUGUST.

Anyway,, part of the railing was broken, although you didn't know it unless you leaned on it (or now that he's torn it completely OFF). It was fine until one evening we were on the phone and he was telling me how *I* had cost him his R with the HO!! I KICKED that railing SO hard it fell down on the ground! And YES< it felt GREAT at the time. At the moment, I wanted it to be Drac, but was glad later that it was just the porch rail.

I smile every time I see it still sitting there unrepaired. I think of it as a symbol. It's the symbol that Drac has a LOT to fix,,, and it's all up to him.

Have you gotten a picture of the porch. I would frame it as a sign of success.

In your signature line from your mom about you can't fix stupid. Everytime I read it I am reminded of a phone call I had with his aunt who he adores, but hasn't talked to since this blew up.

She told me that he is stubborn but not stupid. I agreed at the time, now I am NOT SO SURE.

Let me play with these names. I want it to be just right. I absolutely love yours and until Smartie told me what it stood for I had no idea. I always thought it was his real name. LOL, silly me.

Bugs,

Your story reminds me of my master bathroom. Three or Four years ago, but hubby got it in his craw to remodel the bathroom. Now mind you, we had NO money, but we had a leak in the skylight. So he ripped the bathroom down to studs.

Since we didn't have any money it sat like that until 3 months ago, when I moved out and our house started to be remodeled.

He seldom did any repairs on the house or yardwork and when the neighbors would complain, he would avoid it as long as possible and then take it out on me.

The part that is fascinating, when he moved out with CrackHo to their house in Deliverance he was angry b/c the lawn mower was NO WHERE to be found.

EVERYONE had a laugh over that. He hadn't TOUCHED one in years and that was the only thing he could focus his anger on. Here he was destroying peoples lives, watching his wife and children have to move because of his selfishness and he HAD to know where the lawnmower was.

Ah the mind of a WW, I wish we had a diagram. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> How ugly it would be.

Skins,

TOO funny! Drac hardly ever mowed the lawn. His dad did it for us when he lived with us, and then either Dad or I would do it. We bought a riding mower a couple of years ago and Drac started to do it from time to time.

Drac took it while he was living with his dad to "help out a friend" (like I'm too stupid to understand that code). Anyway, in the property setttlement, he put down that he was keeping 1 rider and giving me one.

The one he was 'giving' me belonged to his DAD! Dad certainly was surprised to hear about that!! I countered about it and his A got nasty in a letter about it, asking "Does she need 2?" UGH! Waywards are nasty, but their lawyers can be even worse!!

So,,,, on to nicer subjects. BabyBugs had her school Christmas program tonight and it was TOO sweet. She was a beautiful Angel in her red velvet dress with white fur trim, white tights, and black 'heels'. She is DEFINATELY my little Goddess in Training! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Drac didn't show. But then, I didn't expect it since I let him stand on his own about it. She called when we got home and am sure that I'll be hearing about it tomorrow.

Whatever.

I shot some GREAT video of her. I even took video of the neighbor's little girl for them that I'll copy this weekend. Sad news there,,, they are getting divorced. I don't know the whole thing, but it's TOTALLY not good. Guess I'd better make 2 copies of the video!

I had called DSS earlier today and had to leave a VM. I am pretty sure Drac still had that cell phone w/him, as DSS left me a return message at 7pm, , , which is probably the time that Drac got home. Poor DSS,,,alone every night after school until 7pm or later. Nothing I can do about it, but it still makes me feel bad.

I must be doing better than I thought,,,, not too long ago I'd be sitting here worrying about what Drac is going to say tomorrow about missing DD's program tonight. Instead, I am firm in my "well, that's on him" attitude.

Think I'll turn in early.

Bugs,

I think you are doing amazing and are such an inspiration. I love hearing about your life.

SG

Hey SG!

I just got home from Christmas dinner with my 'girls'. It was a lot of fun. Tonight was at M's house. Great dinner, great wine, great 'girl' stuff!

DD called at 8:30 (30 min late per the schedule). First thing she says is "sorry for calling late". I asked how she knew she was calling late "W, told me".

Seems they were being babysat for by friends of Drac's while he went to a Christmas party! OMG!

Gone for 5 days. Spent 2.5 hours with DD, spent 4 hours with DSS,,,,,,,,,,,,time to run off for the evening for a Christmas party when it's his "limited" time with his kids who are "SOOOO important to him".'

Made me ANGRY!!!!! But, I let it go as best I could and still enjoyed my evening. I said it atleast 3 times tonight. I can't FORCE Drac to be a good father.

Last time BabyBugs was with him, she complained to me that he was on the phone the entire weekend. This am, she asked if she was going to be with me Christmas day. I explained the scheduled (Christmas Eve and Christmas day til 10am with me, then off to Drac's).

Her response "NOOOOO!"

I hate this for her and DSS.

So sorry, Bugs. It's probably not any consolation, but my kids complained tonight about it being not fair that they would spent Christmas with the SCQ.

That's the worst part--that this is all hardest on the kids. It's so frustrating.

Drac deserves the shovel.