yes, you can! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

And you KNOW this MAN!!!

Anyone know what movie that's from? LMAO

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi, it's been an interesting day...it started with these emails this morning, then I had a lunchon to attend, and when I got back to work we found out that another co-worker's spouse has cancer...both were caught in the beginning stages and the outcome looks good...

I was feeling a little drained from the emails before lunch, and now I'm trying to get rid of a headache...

Outside of that, I'll doing well...I think that i did a great job of setting my boundaries...STBX depending on the option that he chooses will be sleeping on the sofa or in OS's bedroom...NOT WITH ME!!! I wanted to make that perfectly clear!

Okay, bombs away...this is just excepts from them...what I felt was important...

ME:

STBX:

ME:

STBX: (trampoline)


ME:

Hi Guys! WEll, STBX didn't response back to the email...he did call...

LOL...asking about his registration...remember a few months back I mentioned that it had been expired since June...He wanted me to look around the house to see if I saw it...

I told him that I promised that it wasn't here and that I had gone through everything in the house...Said he would have to go to the DMV...

Outside of that, he said that he would be by tomorrow to pick up his mail and stuff...I said that was fine...

So it appears that he respected my boundary of dropping the subject...

I was really tired today...and I was by myself at work this afternoon, I ended up putting my head on my desk and fell asleep for a few minutes...decided not to cook tonight and ordered pizza...watch part of a movie and went to sleep...

The boys have been in the back playing and laughing...I cleaned up a little but for the most part have been laying on the sofa...I'm still tired and need to get the kids in bed...but I don't feel drained like I did...just a little tired...So sleep it is...

Well, well, Ms. Rin.

Am I reading here of Plan A'ish activity and interactions? You are full of surprises.

Glad you are 'drained', but be aware of the physical toll that interactions have on you. It can sneak up on you and have multiple adverse effects.

Hope all is well today.

Thank God I have you guys watching out for me too...

STBX Tmed and asked me to ask the boys if he could come tomorrow...

I told him that I would just tell them that something came up, when he showed is when he showed...

he TMed back: ME throwing up...

I just replied: not good, take care of ur...

Who knows if it's true or not...that remains to be seen...

I'm okay with it...i was napping when he TMed...just like to day, I'm not going to wait on it...the boys and I went to the other side of town...I got my haircut, we went to the pet store, and a little grocery shopping...

They asked about going to the bookstore when we were in town, so we may do that tonight! Tomorrow, I think that we'll go to 11 o'clock mass instead of 6...get it out of the way...


Thanks again Bugs, all is well today!

Merry Christmas, Rin, to you and the boys.

I'm glad to hear you are doing so well, so excited and happy.

((((hugs))))

mErry Christmas to you to Sis...hope you and the boys are doing well also...

OS and I just finished up in the kitchen...meat and chesse tray...two pies, and two different dips...YS just woke up from his nap...They are going to go play outside...think I'll lay down and watch some TV...

STBX TMed this morning, said he just woke up and he would call later! I have a I'll believe it when I see it attitude as far as he's concern...if it happen's it happen...

I have to go to Lowe's later...we had some bad weather come through and that BRAND new fence I had put up across the driveway, well, one of the gates flew back and come off the hinges, so I have to fix that...we have been having an interesting time keeping the dog from catching people walking by...LOL

I have a solution so that this will not happen again...

Rin,

Any word from the STBX?

Hope you took a nice relaxing nap!!

Funny that you asked that! He called and came by...didn't stay long still sick...said he wanted to be a man of his word and he said that he was going to make time to come visit with them...

After he left, we went back to town and hung out for a while...picked up some things that we needed around trhe house...

STBX is still not sure if he's going to send the night or come in the morning...OS cleaned his room for STBX to sleep in if he comes...

There was something that came up during his time here...something was said and I said that I was waiting on him to finish his thing...he asked what thing and I didn't answer...

Then he asked me if J told me he saw him the other day...I said no...he said that he was surprised...I said that I asked J not to tell me about STBX b/c I would hear things like "his friend" driving his truck and stuff and it hurt to much to hear...

Oh the look that came across his face...like shame, sadness or something, he looked down and away...That's not the first time I've seen that look from him...

Guess he thought I was stupid that I didn't know what he was up too...

I need LG's insight on this...

Didn't feel drained or anything...while we were in town I felt a tug at my heart...I still love him...I can't deny that but I'm not going to sit around and hope that he comes to his senses, grows up, and done what he needs to do...

I'm expecting just what I'm getting from him...and then I have to think...do I REALLY want him back...It's rather confusing to say the least...no, I do want him back,but not in the same capacity that he was before and that's the only way I will accept him back...That much I know...

Then I wonder about myself...do I have what it takes to recover...Can I trust again? Can I feel safe again? Can I keep speaking up?

I don't know if I have what if takes to do it, should that happen...

I do know this my head is in SUCH a better place than it was...pre-D...

I'm really happy about that...I have learned that I will not accept anything less than a full commitment to recovery...

Oh, it didn't really seem like STBX wanted to leave...I don't know...

But I'm doing great...I got over the heart strings being pulled pretty fast...I really have to think back and remember why I left...and not rewrite it...

Well I've been up watching Christmas shows...not something that I do normally...

I guess it's normal to still get angry with the WS at this point...still grieving...I got SOOO angry at him for making the choices that he's made...

The main thought that came to my mind that I wanted to yell at him was: I want to be appreciated as much as you want to be appreciated!

He told me that I looked cute tonight...he said that he had been trying to get me to dress like that for a long time...

I said I know...what I didn't say was that it really was a self-esteem issue...today I want to dress nice...I feel good about dressing nice...he asked about my hair being short too: Why do you like it so short? I said because I think that it looks professional and it's easier to keep up with....I like it!

He liked my hair long, so I didn't cut it, except to trim it from time to time...not that I didn't want to cut it and sometimes did...never shorter than shoulder length...I knew he didn't like it, but I did it anyway!

On the dressing part, I think that I was just being hard headed, it was something that I had to do on my own and I felt like I was being pushed!I wasn't a high heel shoe person and now I love my heels...before it was tennis shoes most every day...jeans and a shirt...today, I'm more likely to dress nicer...I always gave the excuse it was because of work but I still do the same things at work now and I dress better...

I think that I did a lot of damage to myself...projecting...being pretty stubborn...I felt pressed so i was the donkey refusing to move forward because someone else wanted me too...it just wasn't something that I was comfort with at the time and I'm comfortable with it now...in touch with my girly side now...

I've gotten so many compliments now, not just the way I dress but I smile so much more...I hear that all the time and I still find that when someone says that I have a beautiful smile that I still lower my head when I say thank you!

Well, I'm headed to bed...I've hit infomercials on TV...it's time and tomorrow will be a long day! Mery Christmas ALL! I need some direction...someone who's been where I am now...I feel kind of alone in this...Thanks!

Rin,

Ok, let's see if I can point out a couple of things here,,,

STBX said,


Ok, GREAT! You are giving him that small opening to PROVE this to be true. It's up to HIM to PROVE it through his ACTIONS. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING else is going to be enough, is it? NOPE, not for the new improved Rin and her boys!!

You "could" have jumped all over that statement with a bunch of LB's and things you've thought of saying to POWS about that. Instead, you are giving him a 'chance'.

GREAT Job!

Then,



PERFECT! You stated a truth, plain and simple. You just put it out there as a FACT and you let it sit with HIM


And then,,,


Excellent! Maybe,,just maybe,,,he's willing to start taking responsibility for his actions.




We BOTH know that he knows you are not stupid (although it sure has felt like that, hasn't it?). You now know that it wasn't about YOU, but it was about him just doing as HE pleased in the addiction and fog of the A.

It is just recently that he seems willing to acknowledge the repercussions to you and the boys. Again, good job in letting him own that in his own way.

And



Wonderful remiinder to yourself to not get totally wrapped up in a few positive signs from STBX!! You know your limit. You know what you will or will not accept. Keep sticking to it!!




Normal? Heck YES it's normal! Think back, read back to some of Silent's posts if you have any doubts. Part of the process, my dear.

On the dressing thing - not to sound too snooty or self promoting, I've always dressed well. It must be in my genes (Grandma raised 3 kids alone as a seamstress & gave me her sense of 'style' from a very young age). It's one of the things that attracted Drac in the first place.

Problem for me was that I started dressing a bit too old & frumpy. The more Drac pushed or 'expected' in that regard, the more I resented it. WHY? Because I wanted/NEEDED some other ENs met that weren't being met and unconsciously, I was rejected HIS ENs by not living up to MY part of being an ATTRACTIVE spouse in every way to the BEST of my ability. Easy to see NOW,,,,,,

PLUS - - going into Goddess Mode theu this last year,,,we can see and FEEL how good it is for US and then the additional benefit of it being good for them and the R.

Ah Rin,,,,while I worry and am cautious minded for you, I think you are doing VERY VERY well.

You are traveling a potentially treacherous path right now, but your car is well equipped for the road conditions as you are armed with MB, armed with the NEW knowledge & strength you have found here & through all of your self learning. You have an emergency kit in the trunk, great tires on those wheels, a good road map to guide you BOTH into an area for potential recovery, and you have that extra powerful satellite phone to call for help when you need it.

Take it slow and I think you have a great chance to arrive at recovery someday.

AND

You also have the Goddess powers to see if that road to recovery is NOT the right one,,, you can take that detour road to a FANTASTIC future, too!!

Merry Christmas my friend! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

hey BUGS, THanks SOOO much for your help and support here....

I really appreciate you saying how well I'm doing that you see some good things that I'm doing...

Makes me feel good about myself...this whole sitch can make you wonder sometimes...

We Will SEE how things go...

Wow.. so good to see you doing so well this Christmas. I'm very glad to see STBX starting to make some strides of his own, and I'm ecstatic to see you not biting into it all at once, and sticking to your now very high standards.. not just for STBX but I'm sure those standards would extend to anyone.

Rin deserves nothing less than the best. Same for the little ones too.

Have a very Merry Christmas, may God smile and rest his blessings upon you and your family.

You're all in my prayers.

WHat a difference a year and painstaking growth can do for you, right Rin? Have a wonderful Christmas!

Merry Christmas Rin

Still

Hey, guts! Merry Christmas to you all!

james, yes, that would extend to anyone...I understand that what I need...what I want is not accomplished in a day or month...heck, not even in six months...

And the Good Lord Has blessed me over and over again...with what I have and EVEN with what I don't...I am blessed all around...never occurred to me to thank GOd for what I don't have but I thought about it today and I have and will continue to thank him...


SL- Oh my dear heart...yes, what a year can do...we've had an interesting road...not good or bad...but certainly interesting huh?

Still- My dear friend...Merry Christmas to you too!

THis has been the best Christmas I have had in the longest time! I'm filled with joy and happiness...I hope that you can find that in yourself also!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Oh, we'll be heading to my mom's family in a few hours...exchange presents, plenty of laughs and just a great time...

No word from STBX...that's okay...he's got a long road...I wish him the best too...no matter what...

Rin:

Sleep tight, Rin. I hope visions of sugarplums are dancing in your head...

Have a very blessed Christmas! You will be in my prayers at Mass.

((((Rin)))))

Sis

so glad you have so much joy this Christmas. What a year. Your future is bright.