Do you mention he/she is having an affair? Do you ask them to call? Do you talk about the OW? What is the general tone? Do you warn them about the WS fog and what they can say ie bad mouth you, justify the affair etc.?

Define who are you are exposing to. That will determine the content and degree of the exposure.

L.

Orchid,
You are really the best. The exposure will be to friends. I am having a difficult time b/c he now has painted me to be this person who wants money and doesn't want to stand up on my own two feet. This is not true and drives me nuts. I am an enormous believer in families and my vows. The WS says he is the victim- I am getting crushed. Thanks for your help on this one and every post.

My take:

Hi friend(s),

Guess you are aware there is a 3rd person trying to creep into our family and the very one who s/b protecting us is letting her in. As a result, my family and I have been taking a bad rap from the now WS (waywardspouse - yep, call him by that name so they know). You may not realize this but he has turned from being my H, father and friend to a WS. He has taken up with an OW (yep, call her that also) and decided to abandon his family along with trying to ruin our reputations. I am hoping you know my family and I well enough to know we are not as he has been portraying us or plans to portray us. Some of you have not heard all his lies and whining about how he is the victim because we don't support his affair.

At this time, our family would like your support to fight this A and kick the WS out of our lives. We want our H, father and friend back but can't tolerate him as a WS. If you can help us in that endeavor it w/b appreciated. If you are not able, we will try to understand.

For those who are willing to be part of our support group, I will be happy to hear your suggestions and POV. What I ask in return is for you to respect my decisions. I am not able to divulge all to all but know that the survival of myself and my family is important as well as our friendship.

It is a hard battle our family has been forced to fight. Your support is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,
BS and family

See I would expose head on. Admit what you have been subjected to. This will deflate his ability to make his case.

Adapt as needed for when you do this in person. You can.

take care,
L.

Orchid,
you are really amazing. I am thankful for the help. I think you should be named "queen" of this board. Thank you.

Queen? No, I'm too short. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

There are many good supporters here. I just have a knack at reverse babble. Also this is what I did to my supporters. I am only sharing my POV and what worked for me.

Point is to establish your grounds and don't be afraid to expose the WS. By exposing his tactics, it tends to disarm them.

take care,
L.

I agree with what Orchid said. Plus make sure you tell friends/family how much you love your husband, how worried you are about his current behavior, and how much this is hurting you. Be careful not to bash WH but do speak up against what he is DOING.

Unfortunately, some people believe it is possible to remain 'neutral', to 'not get involved'... From the viewpoint of the BS and the viewpoints of the WH and OW this usually just comes across as supporting the adultery.
Also, it's not a very well understood concept in society anymore that you can love a person without supporting everything they choose to do; so some will fail to speak up against what's going on because they don't want to offend the adulterers or risk losing their friendship. It's become popular to pretend that it's possible to 'not take sides'. Don't get your hopes too high - just go ahead and start exposing and let the consequences follow.

sahm ~ I posted my exposure thread on your other thread, check it out. Also, if you keep to one thread it'll be much easier for us to help you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

good job Orchid.

sahmom my opinion is what daddy taught me. The truth will set you free!

Be tactful and speak the truth, don't be mean or put the WS down and speak the truth, if you hvae the OW name use it and Speak the truth. Tell it like it is.

Most people (and especally you joint friends twho can place the most pressure and matter) will hear the ring of truth like the tooling of a bell. The key is to speak the whole truth, no spin no BS, no anger, no malice.


Then you let the chips fall as they may. He has cast his lot, and made his bed. let him reap what he has swown.


Jim

What does this mean, exactly?

WOF,
I feel my H is being led by the OW who is in it for her own selfish reasons (financially). I believe she initiated the contact and now everything is at stake for him. Morally, financially, etc. He is a really good person who didn't know how to express his unhappiness and she leaped at the chance. He is also to blame but I think he is right he is a victim not of me but of her. He doesn't see it this way- b/c of her he will lose a lot the most important thing being his family. Not as important money, reputation, etc. I always have loved this man and it makes me sad to see him on this path. I wish there was something I could do.

There IS something you can do. Start exposing the affair - to family, friends, work, his family, her family, her husband, the works. Don't say it won't help. Just do it. Whether or not you get any support at all, exposing tends to put pressure on the affair.

You are wasting precious time debating how to do this, and meanwhile the affair is growing and getting entrenched.

Bump for SAHM.......Have you exposed yet???????