It has been a while since I posted, but I always found help here and I need some now. I have been divorced for 3 years. It was a long ugly one that started with ex having an A when I was 6 months pregnant. He left her when our DD was 1 and started a new relationship while we were going to MC. After the D, he stayed with this girl for almost 3 years. Although we were D, I always hoped we could work it out and he played with me several times, only to tell me that he wanted her.

I finally met someone special that helped me realize what a destructive pattern I was in and see what life should be. So I slowly let go of my ex and he can't handle it. He thought I would always be there and now I'm not. He has lost power of me. Recently he told me that he wanted to put the family back together and I said no. He hasn't changed and he only wants me back because I am unavailable. So basicly, he gave me an ultimatum, if I didn't want to try the family thing he would take me back to court for 50/50 with our DD because he didn't want another man raising her.

I am so at a lost right now. What do I do? For the past 3 years he was content with his time because he had a "super GF". Now that I am happy he wants to punish me. My DD is my life and I'm so afraid that a court will give him more time. I know that he deserves time with her, but he wants more time for all the wrong reasons. How do I deal with such an irrational person? Thanks for listening.

Boundaries. Be polite, little discussion, his "control" over you is that you get upset, when you are talking to him do your best to maintain stability. Don't "supuport" him in any way, don't listen to him. Your line when he calls "if it's important and if it's about our child... otherwise I'm busy."

Counselors say if a control freak can't control you, they'll control through your child. Make sure you have a very, very good attorney. Document. And pray to God for help.

Don't deliberately anger him, but don't cave on what you know is right, either. He had his chance and he blew it. Be short and courteous when you talk, but don't let him rant or threaten you. Life is too short!

Get a good lawyer. He abandoned the home. If you go to court, he may get some more time, but when all is said and done, we can only do the best that we can do and there are certain things that are beyond our control, right?

If you ever feel endangered, move the pickup and dropoff points to public locations.

Document everything he says and does. Buy and a calendar and just write in it.

Good luck,

Thanks for the responses. I have started documenting AGAIN! I just thought that we had moved on and it was over. I was finally content. I have a super attorney, but I'm so afraid that he will get overnights during the school year. I fought him on it during the first custody fight and he agreed when she started school his overnight during the week would cease and he would return her at 8pm. Of course now he wants 50/50. I heard it was hard to change a custody agreement, but he quit his job and now works selling things on EBay, so he is claiming that he has more time to devote to her. I am a teacher and she starts school next year. I know that students do not achieve as well when they shuffle back and forth between homes during the school week. Both parents must work together and have the same values for it to work and we definitely don't. I'm looking for research that proves that. Does anyone know of any or where I might find it?