ZEKE, my friend, ALL POSTERS ARE URGING YOU TO EXPOSE!!

Do it NOW.

Or you will be standing on the porch waving goodbye to her.

That she refuses to quit the job speaks volumes.

IMHO

kirk

Seems we have a "moving" and a "going" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

JinGA

DUHHH!, Going (Crazy) at this point

(I could have written that post, I got flustered and had to really think if I did!!!! It was strange, cause the info was so similar> I need that litte vac. I'm getting ready to go on) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I urged to snoop and get proof. I would snoop first then expose.

I am not saying snoop for a year. Hire a PI if you have too it won't take long if they are having an A to get the proof you need.

This will make exposure more powerful.

Again don't wait forever but they will just deny, deny, deny then go underground even more.

do you all really think there is enough there to take a real stand? It is very hard to believe this but impossible to dismiss!!! I love her and my children unconditionally and with everything I have.

As many here have said before, I'll say it again. Intuition is seldom wrong. You said yourself in your initial post that you had a gut feeling.

Emails from what you've said - sound like enough to at least prove an emotional affair. If you suspect it might be physical, it shouldn't be too hard to get the proof you need to make a big splash with exposure.

I guess timing depends on whether you want to expose the known emotional affair - NOW, or wait a short while (emphasize SHORT) and get proof of a physical affair. IMO one is just as bad as the other, but more proof will make it undeniable, because you just KNOW that both parties are going to try to make you look like you're paranoid and crazy, whilst denying what's going on right under your nose.

You wouldn't believe some of the junk my XH lied about - looked me right in the eye and lied to me about, when I had irrefutable proof IN MY HANDS and while I'd show it to him he'd still lie.

Because you love your children and your wife, you MUST do this. If you stand by and let it happen without intervening, you are signing the death certificate for your marriage.

When you do expose, fasten your seat belt because I can promise you that things will get a lot worse, before they start to get better. If the pain of discovery isn't bad enough, you're going to have a wife that's madder than a wet hen once she's exposed, and she's going to try to make it all "your fault"... WS do this - lay blame everywhere but upon themselves, in order to salve their own conscience. You will be made out to be the reason for every bad thing, every bad choice, every choice she's made, you'll be at fault for everything from that to the price of gas and global warming.

Preparing for this and being ready with a plan... Plan A, exposure, you've got a support network already in place here - we can help you through this and help you know what to expect... you can and you will get through this.

Right now the ball is in your court... you can play it by exposing, or you can sit on it a while - but IMO the best move is to play that hand asap and get that affair exposed. Affairs shrivel in the light of day.

JinGA

The OMW recently admitted to me that my wife makes her a little Jumpy and nervouse, but said it was because of my wifes friends...i think there is more she wants to tell me but not sure

Dollars to donuts OMW is having the same gut feelings that you are - and likely she doesn't quite know how to deal with it. You've got an advantage in that you've found this place - tons of experience here.

When my XH had his EA and I discovered it, I didn't know about MB, but I exposed it as it seemed to be the logical thing to do. Allegedly by the time I found out it had been 'over' for a while but they were 'still friends' (cough - whatever). I blew it out of the water and my XH had to make a choice right then and there - the floozy or his family.

We did bounce back from that - that event was not the undoing of my M, there were other things that undid it, and I can honestly say that once exposure, repentance and reconciliation took place, I never saw cheating type behavior in him again. He did keep on telling lies - about other things, that and his undiagnosed/untreated depression along with my own "stuff" eventually did us in. I had my issues, but I didn't lie and I don't think anything I did or didn't do was a 'deal breaker' (although he might beg to differ)... but I don't want to thread-jack here...

Exposure was the most logical thing I could think of at the time, and that notion has been validated over and over by the good folks here.

I know it's probably going to be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do - it's embarrassing, humiliating, surreal even - but it needs to be done.

JinGA

JinGa, thanks much. I don't suspect a physical affair, but i'm not a very suspicious person by nature. The bottom line is that I feel that if we were just single people dating, i would loose her to him in about 2 minutes..Thanks so much,it means alot

Does she drive her own car? A voice-activated recorder might catch something useful.

TA

Well, you might want to get suspicious really quickly. The fact that when you first brought this uncomfortable situation to her attention and she didn't cease and desist, speaks volumes.

I know what you mean about feeling like if not for the marriage/piece of paper/vows/rings whatever, she'd be gone like a shot. That's not a good sign - and those papers/rings/vows can be undone if somebody chooses to.

What's your plan of action going to be? We can help you formulate it.

JinGA

Zeke,

DID your read spying 101?

Please read the thread. Make a plan and move forward with that plan.

Plan Spying for 2 weeks then Plan Expose if you get the info you need.

Stop second guessing yourself. Stop giving your WW the benefit of the doubt.

THE VERY MINUTE YOU ASKED HER TO STOP and she didn't was confirmation she is in an emotional affair.

So read spying 101. Key loggers, voice recorders etc.

I will bet she has another email address that you don't know about.

Start now or you will regret it.

One thing I have noticed is nobodies spider sense tingles unless there is danger!!!

I was waiting for another"event to happen" (i have not been telling her that I know more communication is going on) but they just keep coming and I wait again, caught her lying last week about him, pretty minor, but an excuse to see him(although not alone) during their week off of work(business was closed). She also emailed him knowing that his wife was gone all day asking "what are you doing while she's gone all day". I just don't get it and don't want to let her know that I know more things just yet. Noticed he calls our house about "work Stuff" when his wife is not home...

Bug your phone.

OK. Wakey wakey time.

Keep what you do know to yourself for the moment - but take the advice to read the spying thread and give yourself 2 weeks to get more proof.

What are you waiting for? This "event to happen"... what is it? Are you waiting until you come home one day and find OM in your bed with your wife? Because that's where it's headed if it hasn't happened already. Think you'll feel better if that's what happens next? I promise you, you won't.

Employees don't ask employers what they're going to do all day when their wife is away.

You've been given a ton of sound advice here - you can keep going over it again and again if you wish, running in circles and getting nowhere, OR you can take the information you've been given and make a plan to get the rest of the proof you seem to need, bust up the affair, expose it, and start the process of saving your marriage.

That choice is yours. Sit on your hands and wait for "an event", or take control of the situation and do what you can do to try to get things right again.

What'll it be?

JinGA

Most companies now days have a sexual harassment policy in place. What's going on between your wife and her boss (friends or no) would send the HR people at my firm into a tizzy. They would put an immediate stop to it.

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then guess what. It's probably a duck.

I just want to tell you that trust your gut. I would bet that everyone on here has heard that “He is just a friend”. That is the same lie that they all tell.

You have other red flags. She does not care about your feelings and she seems to be addicted to the OM.

For us guys are needs are pretty basic. We want our wives to admire us and have sex with us and just to be nice to us. I would guess that would be enough for most men not all but most.

I am guessing you are in so much pain because you can see that she admires him talking about him as a celebrity. And she also promised that she would stop then she wouldn’t. Those are red flags and I would not just wait around and see what happens.

Since it is just a part time job ask her to give it up. If she wants to work part-time she can do it somewhere else. I think your wife would freak if you had a part-time job at Victoria Secret and the boss was flirting with you. You will really harm your marriage if you do not do anything about it, trust me I know.

My wife swore she was not having an affair and she and the OM were just friends. She was already in a physical affair with him. I am amazed at how many men are in denial in these situations.

I am guessing that your wife will say you are just jealous. If she does not want to give up the part time job then you are in big trouble. When you think about it a part time job means very little. She could go almost anywhere and get one of those. But it may be a way for them to spend more time together. She should want to please you and not worry about the OM’s feelings. Talk to her and I would try to get her to stop working with the guy and keep them apart. Of course this is just my opinion and I could be wrong

She absolutley does not need the job, only for her own satisfaction of activity outside of friends and family. Money is not an issue. I do believe she NEEDS to see or hear from him...I'm noticing an "irratabillity" when a few days go by w/no contact.The first several months I was so upset that I was not rational...now when things happen I can analyze much clearer. I'm going to continue to watch for another week and post back if it is ok with everyone. Finding the info here and support from you all means very much to me. The hardest thing in all this is that there is no one to truly express too. Its like i'm talking in a different language when I express this concern. Amazingly, I post my concern here and every beleif and feeling I've had these past 8 months is echoed back to me from you all...Still shocked! Thanks and i wish you all the best

You need to do some serious spying. If he calls her on your home phone, you can install a voice recorder in an unused jack, and tape the whole conversation.

How is your sex life with her?

Sex life has been the same, pretty much...like is aid before, she does not know all that i know. I still really believe it is the beginning, there was a lot said without being said if that makes any sense. The talk was like"ok who's going to make the first move here, we both feel something" thats my overwhelming sense...