Is that 7 hours round trip or one way?



umm remember that stalker thing we were talking about and the restraining order thing......don't over do it..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Good luck, Ryan. In my experience, one should take the advice of a professional, and stick to it until it's proven invalid, but do what you feel you must.

Longhorn,

I am going to continue following Jennifer's advice. I was just looking for help until I can talk to her again. I guess my situation hasn't really changed, it is just that I was made aware of it. I should always assume that she is involved in the affair until she can prove otherwise. I think Mr.W advise is solid, how do you feel about it? Regardless if I expose I will continue to approach my WW just like Jennifer has suggested.

Ryan.

SIHW,

It is 7 hours one way. You are right about the stalker thing, but I don't think that I am being unreasonable by asking the FBI to enforce their own code of conduct.

Ryan.

If you have more people to expose then do it, ASAP!

--Update--

Well last week I sent out letters to identify the ongoing adultery to the FBI. I believe that Mr. W was right that her anger is a sign that she is protecting the affair from any further exposure.

I also sent an email to OM and CC'd my wife:

This is the email -

OM,
I just wanted to let you know, that I know you and my wife are still in contact. I even know that she was with you in Rochester, but it doesn't change the fact that I love my wife more than anything in the world. I will do anything for her, and I will always be there for her. I can only see building a new life with her, that shows her that she is truely special to me. I am going to continue to nurture my love and my marriage for Jessaka, because it makes me a better person. Again I am sorry that you chose to walk away from your family and I am truely feel sorry for your children, but I will not walk away from "My Love"

WW,
I have included you in this message, because I made a promise to you that I will never be untruthful to you again. I know how much it hurts to be lied to and I will never hurt you again. Love Always and Forever. Ryan.

So here it is Christmas day and WW and I talked on the phone for a couple of minutes. I opened a gift from her parents and I know that they mean well, but it seems so ridiculous. The gift was a book called "God's Promises" They wrote inside the cover -

"Dear Ryan,

As you look for guidance during the difficult times in your life, please consider the direction given in this small book. On a daily basis, these "promises" provide us with hope, strength and a peace that we find nowhere else. We hope that it will do as much for you. Sincerely WW's Parents."


My jaw dropped a little as I read that, they are preaching to look to god while they stand by and watch an affair continue???? I couldn't resist I had to write them back.

My Response -

"Thank You so much for the book I have been reading through it all night. I hope that by sending God's Promises that you are going to support my effort to restore our marriage. I have read many different pages and it would seem that God doesn't support sin, lost integrity, or temptation. I do have a path to restore our marriage and relationship, so that it can be better than it ever was. On this path Jessaka can be saved from the continuing adultery that currently fills her. But first she needs to agree to stop seeing the other man, she has been driving to New York to be with him, if she continues there will never be hope to rebuild. Even though she lives outside of the home, she is still married. I love her more than anything in this world. I cherish her and have her to thank for many of the wonderful things in my life. If you would like to help save Jessaka, please let me tell you about our plans to rebuild a loving, caring, healthy marriage, full of forgiveness and hope. I forgive you for enabling Jessaka's adultery, it is not to late to make the right decision and follow the path laid out by God.

I have so many thoughts on the issue, and I have been going to a church group, one of them said it so well. "The things that can make you happy are not right if you come upon them the wrong way" he gave the example of robbing a bank. People need and desire financial security, but it is wrong to rob a bank. You need to commit to working to earn the money and stay on the right path. Just like in marriage you need to commit to build a marriage that will make you happy, not run when things become hard. That commitment, will give you something that you can look back and be proud of for years to come.


Hebrews chapter 13

Hebrews 13:4, "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge."


Proverbs chapter 25


Adultery is a trap-it catches those with whom the Lord is angry.

Proverbs 6:32, The one who commits adultery is lacking sense; he who would destroy himself does it.

Sexual promiscuity brings harm to everyone concerned - the participants, their families, the community, and the nation. In the Old Testament times, both murder and adultery were punishable by death, because both were crimes that devastated the community and the nation, shown by many examples, including the well-known case of David and Bathsheba.

I am going to end this email with a thought on forgiveness. I have chosen to forgive you for enabling Jessaka's affair, and I hope and pray every night that Jessaka finds salvation.

Sorry that the email was so long, but your book gave me a lot to think about. I know that this is painful to think about, trust me I think about it everyday, but I trust in you that you will do what is right, morally and with God.

Love,
Ryan."


Wow that is really long I hope some of you make it through everything!!
Ryan.

Good job. Her family needs to hear the truth. You did it respectfully.

Thanks Believer,

I can't help but think that they won't even read it, but I just had to get it off my chest. I guess I could have been a bigger man and just let it ride, but it hurts me that they can so easily support her and this man with a wife and 2 kids. And then send me a book telling me I need to look to God? I hope they read it, and I hope it makes them think, about what has really happened.

Ryan.

Hi,

Ditto Believer's response. U did an excellent job of responding to the 'in-laws'. While not all will get it, you still can move forward without guilt. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

It is a hard road to travel but moving forward is better than standing still or moving backwards. Your attitude is good and will keep you going in the right direction. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

My ex's family all supported his affair. And although I appreciated their prayers, I asked them to back up their prayers by not having the infidels at family events. But nothing came of it.

I didn't even go to the funeral of my much loved brother in law. My ex LED the service, and OW was sitting with the family.

So your situation is very common. The family's values usually disappear when they are asked to live them.

I have only seen her parents once since D-day. She was with them at her apartment after surgery. I stopped by with flowers to check on her. Her mother wouldn't even look at me. Her father shook my hand, and then left the room. Of course they are on their daughters side. It just hurts to have these people that you knew to be against adultery, stand by and watch as my WW lies and carries on her affair.

Damn it makes me so sad just to think about how it destroys peoples character, not just WW's but her family's as well.

Ryan.

I was best friends with my ex's sis, and his brother's wife. That is, until D-day. I haven't had a call from either one in 5 years. And I DIDN'T slam him or talk badly about him.

Funny thing - my ex invited me to his sis's birthday dinner Saturday. He told me that she loved and missed me. I didn't mention that 5 years was a little long to to wait to tell me.

Luckily I'm done with him. Because I think all the family fallout would be very difficult in recovery.

Way to go, Ryan. Perhaps the email will make the ILs think a little bit, but don't count on it. Even the best of ILs are conflicted on this issue. Wait, and let things take their course with them.

Merry Christmas to you.

LH

longhorn,

I hope that you are right about the IL's. I had always seen them as a very strong, and spiritual family. They were to easy to look the other way and accept her behavior as the "right" thing to do. So I hope that they will slow down and take a look at what the believe and what is going on. But I won't hold my breath, and it won't change how I proceed with my wife. I still love her.

Ryan.

Well the letters to the FBI went in the mail. This time I went to the FBI HQ in Washington. I am not sure if it will do any good, but I have said it before I don't want to have any doubts or regrets that I didn't do everything possible to break up the affair.

Ryan.

Good job.

Remember, if it was at all effective than you will soon regret doing it when she goes ballistic and tries to tell you that this was the "final straw".

Wouldn't be surprised to see you get the silence treatement either...since direct hostility and anger didn't work on you last time.

Keep your chin up...you won't regret this in the long run. You are doing everything you can while you still have the gumption to even try. Your wife is LUCKY to have you and better wake up to that fact or she ain't worthy of you.

Mr. Wondering

Since MrW was urging another round of exposure earlier, I’m pretty sure he meant (in the above post) to warn you to not feel any regret at the exposure because she's going to go ballistic again. It’s that or the silent treatment. They are predictable responses, along with something along the lines of “You’re invading my privacy…etc., etc.”

Let us know how your WW responds this time, okay? Hang tough, Ryan. I see signs your emotional reactions are beginning to even out and that you understand this is going to be a long road to any possible recovery. Good on you.

LH

Thanks to all of you!!!

Longhorn, I have a much better understanding of what is going on. At first I was looking for that magic button to make everything ok. Well that button doesn't exist. I am starting to see that I am in it for the long haul, and I will be ok no matter the out come. I do still feel very hurt, at times.... Like today when I dropped off her Christmas gifts, she seemed to just want to get me out of her house.

The biggest hurt to me was when she told me that she is wearing the dress I bought her, for us to go out to see a show at the MET in NY. It is a very special designer dress and she is wearing it out on New Years with him. She said that she won't be with him, but I am not stupid she is going to be in NY, and he lives in NY.

I asked if she would take a photo of her wearing the dress since I have never seen her in it, and she got upset. I explained that I bought the dress for a very special event for the 2 of us, and she just said that it was too awkward?? I was hurt, but oh well.

Ryan.

Yes, you certainly will.

LH

Well today is my Anniversary, so that kind of sucks. I haven't heard anything from WW. I am still going to call and wish her a happy anniversary, even if I just leave a message on her phone. It is so bizarre the last time we talked she teared up and I reached up to wipe away her tears like I have always done and she kind of flinched when I touched her. I wish we would have talked about things before she had an affair, because I know I would have done my best to fix our problems. Happy Anniversary.

Ryan.