Sinkingin, ignore Schoolbus1-- she is a troll. It's Best Advisor trying and failing to imitate the real Schoolbus... not even close.

sinkingin, how are you doing?

Again? BA1? How many identities does one person need?

(((((SinkInGin))))))


"I always put on a good show for all around me. Usually people think I'm fine while I'm falling apart."

I can certainly relate to feeling like that hon.
It does get better... not ASAP (sigh) and only now and then... I remember feeling as if I might NEVER feel like my old self again. It's scary feeling like that I know.

What helped me was to think about the fact that once upon a time I hadn't even met my WH yet. I could focus back to the person I was before I met my WH and realize that no matter how I currently felt it really IS possible to be happy again even if my WXH never returns.

Part of the reason for choosing my postng name here is to be a subliminal message to myself everytime I post that my WXH is just a mere mortal. So it's not true that I can't live without him or that he deserves my wanting his love so much.

Also, what Bob said!!!!

I keep telling myself and my daughters that WE have to be the heroes we need for ourselves!

I really admire people like the man who started the America's Most Wanted, John Walsh, who in spite of extreme personal tragedy find some way to turn it to good use.

It helps me to think of that whenever I'm having those bad moments.

Also, what Bob said!!!!

I keep telling myself and my daughters that WE have to be the heroes we need for ourselves!

I really admire people like the man who started the America's Most Wanted show, John Walsh, who in spite of extreme personal tragedy find some way to turn it to good use.

It helps me to think of that whenever I'm having those bad moments... sometimes anyway LOL

sinkingin, I really hope you'll come back here to get more advice or even better, give us a positive update.

Thank you,
you have daughters... how many. I have found out through these last months that what I am most upset about is just that. The fact that I have boys, and you know how boys love their daddy's . I felt like I hadn't just lost my husband, but all of them too. They know this woman and really like her. I felt like she would work them over the way she has my H. I felt like they would always blame me. Something bad happened about a month ago. I was very upset and worried about it. ...My son (my oldest) found my journal...I had been writing in it, and they had an early dismissal and I left it out ...he read some of it...I was horrified luckily I walked right back in, but he got the just of it. I have written some really bad things that journal...luckily this entry wasn't as bad. I asked him what he had read, and if he had any questions etc. He seemed to be fine,

I just wrote the hugest response, and my son came up and hit the mouse....it is all gone.

My son read my account of a situation that had taken place at our equipment turn-in. We had gotten a call from one of the women saying that she had found an item of my husbands and that she was giving it to one of the other basketball dad's and he could return it to him. When I got there, she announces in front of everyone that OW was with her when they found it and she took it to give to MH. I wrote that she was getting nasty now, and she was never going to give him up! I also said on the next page, which I'm not sure he saw, that I can't get over the way he feels for her or her sons. I told my husband to ask him if he had any questions also in case he wouldn't talk to me. He just asked if my husband liked the OW, and when my husband said yes, he asked if he liked her more than he liked me, and my husband said no. We have seen her since, but my son hasn't said anything else. Until the other night. My husband apparently was chating with her after practice, and my son asked him why he was talking to OW. When he told him he was just asking her about the scrimmage he missed, he asked him couldn't he ask Mr. XXX. Wow, I'm so proud of him. I took so much strength from him asking that. I know now that no matter what happens, I will be as strong as he is and stand up for what is right and my four boys and I will be fine. I will make sure of it.
This weekend even...(I dread the weekends) He stayed at a hotel one night, said he just needed to get away. That he is "lost" and he is the only one that can help himself. You should hear me sometimes, I do tell him the hard stuff. I didn't argue or anything. I just let him go. I told him that daytime that if he was staying because he was worried about me, not to worry cause I would be fine. I told him that he made and was making a big mistake. I told him I wanted things to work but not so much that I would be willing to be second best for the rest of my life, or to live with a man that is angry because of the huge sacrifice he made for his family.

While all this drama goes on around me, I am trying to be the stand up, conquering all woman that bob pure made reference to. My Christmas decorations are up , I am trying to face the holidays with the best face for now. I figure this new year will be the end to all the indecision. If he is still wishy washy after the holiday, I will tell him I have made the decision for us. For now, I will try to be a happy and stable person. This may be the last few weeks I have as a woman who doesn't has a husband.

Sinkin, this is not the update I was hoping for, but I'm glad you're planning to do something about it instead of just let him cake eating. How old are your boys?

You should talk to your oldest boy about the situation and get him to be on your side. You're their mom and it's very rare for them to side with OW.

BestAdvisor, are you REALLY suggesting that she try and play her children against their dad? That NEVER works and is damaging to the child. She cannot CONTROL and SHOULD NOT try to WIN him over to "her side". To suggest such a thing is very bad advice all the way around.

I didn't ask her to "play her children against their dad" but to tell them the truth so they won't become close to their dad's mistress like sinkingin stated that she's not only losing her husband, but also her boys to the OW.

sigh, your comment above is really unnecessary and you know it.

Could you re-write it. I am sure it will help us help you better if the situation is more fully understood.

That's EXACTLY what you asked by telling her: "get him to be on your side."

Not only is it BAD advice, it sounds like something a 12-year-old would say. BA, these are REAL people who have REAL hurts. Quit playing with their lives.

you are always quick to say what BA is saying wrong but never have any advice to offer for me. I do know enough to know that I can't allow either of us to play our children against each other. I would never do that. That's why I was so proud of him... without me ever expressing any of my feelings to him about what has been happening he is picking up on it a little. I am proud of him for standing up for me. I am not a game player, I try not to even ever let them see any of my hurt or anger.
I realize that everyone on this website is trying to protect others from what they might feel is wrong advice and that is commendable and necessary, however, I am a real person with real feelings that I am laying on the line here. Even if people don't like to respond to me anymore, and think that I am a lost cause, many of them have made the same mistakes that I am making. I know that maybe I am a lost cause...I haven't done the things I need to do, but when I come here, sometimes I am looking just to vent, or for some compassion, or for the old 2X4.

I mean on sinkingin's side and away from OW's side. I stated nothing about their dad's side.

sinkingin, thank you for saying that.



Because of the maturity I see in him due of what you've stated, that's why I think it might be a good idea for you to sit down with him and tell him the whole truth instead of him guessing around.


Sinkingin, some of us are here for you.

"My Christmas decorations are up , I am trying to face the holidays with the best face for now."

It sounds as if you are doing better. Good for you (I don't have my Christmas decorations up yet... only two more days before I have a month off at one of my jobs so I've been waiting until then).

"My son read my account of a situation that had taken place at our equipment turn-in. We had gotten a call from one of the women saying that she had found an item of my husbands and that she was giving it to one of the other basketball dad's and he could return it to him. When I got there, she announces in front of everyone that OW was with her when they found it and she took it to give to MH. I wrote that she was getting nasty now, and she was never going to give him up! I also said on the next page, which I'm not sure he saw, that I can't get over the way he feels for her or her sons. I told my husband to ask him if he had any questions also in case he wouldn't talk to me. He just asked if my husband liked the OW, and when my husband said yes, he asked if he liked her more than he liked me, and my husband said no. We have seen her since, but my son hasn't said anything else. Until the other night. My husband apparently was chating with her after practice, and my son asked him why he was talking to OW. When he told him he was just asking her about the scrimmage he missed, he asked him couldn't he ask Mr. XXX. Wow, I'm so proud of him. I took so much strength from him asking that."

It sounds as if your son already is aware that something is going on now, and is already aware it is wrong, and is already speaking up to his dad about it.

IMHO it would not be a good thign for you to say anything more to your son at this time unless he asks you questions.

And you most certainly should not try to 'get him on your side'.

The support and advice given here is not meant to replace professional marriage counseling so be careful about the advice you take here. There are many posters here with years of experience dealing with these issues. But there are also posters who come here with little to no experience, no apparent knowledge of the MB principles, and giving the false impression that their advice is the best...