Hi Everyone, I am new to the discussion forum. I am in need of some good, sound advice. I have been married 4 years. These have not been the happiest years of my life. The first day of marriage my husband left and visited what he said were family members in another city but I later found out that it was his girlfriend. To make a long story short. We dated for a year and some months before getting married. He kept alot of secrets and I did not find out until about 2 weeks after marriage. His girlfriend have constantly interrupted our marriage and he run to her rescue. Out of 4 years of marriage he have only lived with me for about a total of 7 months! She have threatened me and I have taken her to court because she was brave enough to come to our home. Anyway, I have seen her belongings in the car, I have seen letters from to him. Two weeks after marriage he bring a 9 month old child to the house and say, I just found out about him. However, when I happened to come across some of his letters, he and this woman had been communicating the entire year that we were dating! How did he manage to keep this a secret for so long, I don't know. He was well aware of the child. Or might I say children. After marriage, I found out about 4 children by 4 different women. It is alot of things that he did not tell me before marriage. Anyway, one incident that really hurt me is that on last year, I had to take a warrant out on her for threats and harrassment. They put her in jail and guess what...my husband paid her way out. I had just asked him for some money and he did not give me anything but he paid over $300 to get his girlfriend out of jail and she was in there for threatening to do me harm. Alot more have happened but it is too much to write. He is also verbally and physically abusive towards me. My question is...what should I do? I want to divorce him because I am tired of the other women being put before me. I have always been taught that divorce is wrong. However, I want to be happy. I want a husband that knows how to be a husband and that will spend time with me and we share our life together. We have never celebrate our Anniversary together. We do not spend any of the holidays together and never have since being married. I am tired and worn. Any advice will help me out alot. Thanks.

Nuke him.

I agree with Pariah. However, since it is unlikely you have access to dirty bombs, I suggest you either divorce him or get an annulment. In the legal system, it may be divorce, but talk to your church about annulment. Share the facts of the case. YOu were hoodwinked. It was never a "marriage" at all.

There are too many good men out there to worry about one who has lied to you from day one. He's a con artist, not a spouse.

I also agree. You need to get out of this situation quickly to preserve yourself. This is a horrible situation this man has put you in.

Get a divorce NOW. You made a large mistake marrying this loser. What were you thinking?

Get OUT! While you can!

He's going to ruin your life! LEAVE NOW. NO GOING BACK!!!

In this case, divorce is absolutely BIBLICAL! But, get out first and figure it out later! The bible says if you fornicate before marriage, the marriage is annulled. He fornicated! He doesn't love you. He loves himself.

Then later, when you meet someone new, wait a really long time to get to know them, like two years. Do a background investigation if you have to before committing to anything. If someone really loves you, they won't be offended. Especially knowing that you had this terrible experience.

You sound like a wonderful person. Save yourself for someone really special, who really deserves you.

EJECT EJECT EJECT!!!!!!

If you have only lived with him 7 months out of four years that makes YOU the "other woman" not the girl friend.

So why DID he marry you anyway? Are you supporting him?

Hi Pieta,

That's what I have been feeling. I have told my husband several times that I feel more like I am his girlfriend instead of his wife. He only tell me to stop acting silly. I started off supporting him with money, etc. He have never been able to keep a job. He prefer to go to the welfare department and get help. He is always begging me for money. I have discontinued giving him money. I do not plan on supporting him, his mistress and their child. He have not been here for me. At first I was trying to be a good wife to him. Although he was not treating me right. However a few months ago I decided to just let him fend for himself.

Can't keep a job. Wants welfare (when he can't get it from YOU). Can't tell you the truth. Keeps giving money and time to his so-called ex girlfriend. Always begging you for money. Bible says if a man won't work he can't eat.
Drop this lying loser. Sure, it'll hurt, coz you love him. But he does NOT love you - he is only USING you for what he can get from you. You're not even his girlfriend - you're an ATM for him...
I'd hit 'DELETE' on this Marriage, coz it was never a marriage to start with - no relationship, let alone a marriage can be built or survive on LIES - his lies. I totally agree with everyone else posted their comments on this.
You have most of the rest of your life ahead of you. I'd certainly give relationships a rest, read up on Dr. Harley's advice on solid relationships, get into a good solid church (if you aren't already) and after a year, try eHarmony or maybe the singles groups at your church when you're ready to begin dating a REAL man.
I feel for you and certainly hope for the very best for you.
May God bless you, Tania.
Peace,
Harold T.

You need to cut your losses and cut him out of your life. I know it is disappointing but he is no real man. Maybe he is in body but not in mind.