feel free to bonk ol melody upside the head...
from me of course.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

she can handle it..

ARKie

Yeay, your progress cheers me so much. And I believe it IS progress and that you are headed for success and recovery. Reading your thread is like breathing second hand smoke for an ex-smoker. I mean, except for the nicotine and tar. Maybe there's a better comparison.

Anyway, vicarious success, which I observe from the stands. Self respect, courage, using the tools and the profered help to save yourself. You are so Healthy! [claps hands enthusiastically].

hey hey char...Happy holidays.....I was checkin in on you and noticed you check his blog....one word of warning....me being upto date on this blog/myspace thing....it is very possible he can have a tracker on his blog that shows him who checks his blog and where they are checking from....if he knows your IP address it is possible for him to pinpoint you....he can even put an "invisible tracker on....I know how to do this I have 2 on my myspace alone so I can always see who is checking my myspace and from where and I can flag IP adress's when I know who's who. This is how I knew my XBF's XGF from Idaho was stalking my myspace the first month he and I were together she checked my myspace 45 times. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />.....I am gonna suggest this....you might try checking it from a proxy server like seconddoor.net or youhide.com. It will show you as logining in from somewhere different. and I think it shows the IP address as different as well. Give it a try.

SIHW has a point-- he'll know when you check if he's got a hit counter or some type of tracker.

Stop checking the blog. You are in Plan B-- FFICIALLY-- so its time to retreat.

Now, what are the list of things you are working on during Plan B?

Hi mojo!!

I'm not going there again. I got it covered. I had a long talk with my Doberman today and that was one of the things discussed.

From now on HE will check it for pertinent information and print it out if necessary... even if it's just FYI for him. Good deal!!!

I made cookies today.

Organic cookies. The only thing I didn't have that was organic were the chocolate chips.

I am working on the house...trying to get the tree out of the disaster of My Doberman's Dinner's wreck of a room so I can put it up one last time.

Spending time with family....and....

other than that... NOT worrying about the holidays!!

Hi Charlotte

Glad you seem to be doing well. I thought you handled things brilliantly. Keep it up and stay strong.

Vladie

Hi SIHW!!!

Thank you! Yeah, I had forgotten about that. But I'm not going to go through all the hoo-haw to look without him knowing. I'm not looking!!!! LOL!!

Thank you, Doberman!!!

Hi Vladie!!!

Thank you!! I feel really good about it!! Especially since I know how it affected My Doberman's Dinner, aka Mr. Gray!!

LOL!!

I'm gettin' stronger, by gum!!!!

Charlotte,

Looks like you're right on course.

We both started our Plan B's on Saturday. Laff my WxGf called me to ask for my new mailing address even though I e-mailed it to her on Thursday.

These wayward folks are cuckoo.

No blog peeking just go totally dark and make your self scarce.

Expect nothing and live life to its fullest. No more hurts from Mr. Gray if he wants to join the Charlotte fun life he needs to meet the requirements.

You're doing great.

Stand firm and stand tall and maybe you should blast Twisted Sister's "We're not gonna take it" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LOL, 411!!!!!!!!!!

My band used to do that song!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Now it's on a commercial...ugh!! I hate it when songs get ruined by commercials!!!

I HATE that stupid Bob Seger song now. And forever!

Nope, my Doberman will check the blog from now on!!!

(cue Nelson from the Simpsons: HA HA!!!!)

Oh yeah, I meant to answer your email...I was busy baking cookies today....I'll get in there, though!!

No excuses Charlotte :P

Nothing need be rushed. I'm jsut learning and growing exponentially over the last few weeks. Still a lot of growth to be had.

You've grown by leaps and bounds as well and you're one tough cookie.

Keep up your healing/self-improvement time.

LOL, 411!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you. I'm surprised at how tough I'm able to be. I can't take all the credit, though.

You guys have helped me out so much!!!

Thanks again!!!!

I just wanted to say that ever since I gave Mr. Gray the letter...well...once I calmed down!! (Because I did cry a little while!!)

Since then, I've already begun to notice the psyhological effect it's had on me.

I feel better, I feel calmer...I'm seeing the situation so much more clearly.

I feel free.

I didn't expect such immediate results. Mel and I talked at length about Plan B in many conversations. I can see a lot of what she said I would feel happening to me.

Of course, I'm sure that some of it could be the power of suggestion, but I don't think too much of it is!

And I don't want to contact him at all. I had a bad moment that first night, but I just have no desire to contact him at all.

Not to say it will stay that way, but I really have no desire to do so at this point.

I've been avoiding triggers as much as possible, but the funny thing is, after I left my Doberman's office last night, I went to a restaurant that we used to frequent.

I didn't eat there, but got some good ol' etouffee to go. Oh, yeah, and had a smackin' good Bloody Mary! Just for enjoyment, not because I needed alcohol. I was afraid I was going to turn into a lush for a while there. I've been losing the NEED for it, though. YAY!!

I have eaten alone at restaurants since Mr. Gray has been gone. It doesn't bother me at all. I used to think it would.

There are some I just wouldn't be able to go to yet, though!

I took Mr. Gray's mail that he left (on purpose, IMO) to my Doberman. I think this will be another message to him that I mean business.

And I was thinking, too...he hasn't contacted me...well, except through the blog. That was clearly FMEO!

I was thinking, you know what? Maybe he dosen't want me to lose the love I have for him. He knows his tawdry affair is headed for a crash-n-burn.

And so far, not a peep to my Doberman from Mr. Mudd. Now that could change...I brought up the idea of an estate sale to my Doberman and he's going to call Mr. Mudd to put that on the table.

That might stir up Mr. Gray a bit. Or not. We'll see.

Also, I talked to him about selling a few items so the money could go to DS25, DIL & DGS. They are in dire straits with the doughski. I can't afford to really give them any.

I thought we could do it through one of the third party places but he suggested that I do it since I'm an eBay seller anyway...so that extra fees aren't taken out by a third party place.

So I'm like, heck yeah! I'll do it! I sure don't want the money! I want to help them!!

I said, well, he'll probably never agree to it. He said, why? Doesn't he care about his kids?

And I was just dumbstruck. I couldn't talk for a minute. I didn't know what to say. Finally, I said, well, right now I think he cares more about the radios!

It mad me kinda sad, though. Because of Mr. Gray's non-relationship with DD and the way he's been shunning DS21 & DS25. And especially DGS!!

But they have ME!! And their mom. I'll be there for them forever.

My Doberman had mentioned earlier that Mr. Gray is mentally ill...well, how could I not agree with that?

Oh yeah!!! LOL!!!

I told him about what was said on the blog about that item that was broken.

It came up at the hearing, and I didn't want it moved. I said, "it will get broken if it gets moved." My Doberman said, "well, then YOU won't get blamed for it!"

So...it got there and now it doesn't work. Well, it was ON when he got here and everyone saw that. Clearly I didn't break it.

I guess that $600 bulb finally went out or something.

My Doberman says...well, it's his karma!! LOL!!

I'm like, heck yeah! And it's gonna really start hitting him hard now!!!

It was so funny!! And SO true!!

I am SO glad I didn't waver and decide not to give Mr. Gray that PBL!!

It was definitely the RIGHT thing to do. Mel was teetotally absolutely right!!!

I don't know what's going to happen emotionally over the holidays but I don't think it will be as bad as I'm afraid it will be.

And the tree? Well, I don't know if I will be able to get it out of Mr. Gray's disaster. It's probably not a good idea to put up all of our special ornaments that we would get every year of our marriage. Each one unique. Sometimes more than one a year!

Plus, there are some from when Mr. Gray and BIL were kids that they made. So, I don't know. If I do put it up I think it will just have plain ornaments. We'll see.

I REALLY wanted to put it up one last time here.

Actually, I wanted to have it up by the time he got here but there was just too much to do. Plus, it would have been in the way of moving that monstrous 60" tv.

Now I have more walls to adorn with other things. YAY!!

My Doberman has a copy of the PBL for my file, too. Thanks to Mr. Gray's antics, I give my Doberman a copy of everything so Mr. Gray can be headed off at the pass if he tries to use anything against me.

There's nothing to use against me, but that doesn't mean he won't try! Especially when he gets word that an estate sale is being brought to the table for discussion! LOL!!

Well, have a great day, All! And thanks again SO MUCH for being here for me!!!

I LOVE ya'll!!!!

There is a place, deep inside the aliens spacialsphere, where they know what is real and what should have been left back on planet fog...

And the longer and more dark your Plan B, the closer to the surface this place will come.

The crack will deepen and widen, until finally OUT POPS DH!

.

Isn't it great? There will be days though, when he doesn't show any outward signs of second guessing, or worrying that you will lose your love, and the emotional roller coaster will start up again.

I had some very bad weekends after the intitial feeling of lightness and calm. Just so you are aware that some bad days might be on the horizon. Not that you won't be able to handle them, but if they do come, make sure you don't allow yourself to wallow...get busy and get him the heck off your mind ASAP, when they do happen.

And Charlotte, you ARE the biggest threat to the marriage now. Your love bank has suffered a huge hit. It's no longer in the black. He is right on that count.

Hi JJ!!!!!!



I'm glad to hear that! And I am going to stay VERY, VERY dark!! No bones about it!



Yeah, I'm not looking forward to that!! I am hoping to feel this way at least for a while! He might start making noise when he finds out I brought up an estate auction...but then again, maybe not. That's my biggest concern right now.



I'll do that! I was able to breeze over his attempt to get at me through his blog. Interesting, the Freudian slips in there that he made! LOL!




I TOTALLY agree! I have been carrying a fire extinguisher around so I can put out these little sparks that threaten to break out into a full-blown blaze.

I will be staying inside our house with the doors locked now.

Thank you, JJ!!!!!!!

"Doberman's Dinner"!

*Wonderful! You have no idea of the strength and power you are projecting Charlotte. And it is all the better because of the Plan B imho.

Your actions are self-determined and without regard to the hoped for effect on Doberman's Dinner. Going Dark means you don't have the feedback of watching the expression on his face when you hit him with a whammy. And HE doesn't have the feedback of your verbal or facial reactions when he takes a selfish or destructive action.

His blog postings go off into deep space where other aliens reside. Infor about him relayed from other people isn't reaching you. It also goes off into deep space or is intercepted by your filter (Melody Lane).

He gets what he says he wants: his freedom from family and you, his radios, all the time he wants with the OW, his new life. And all that is hollow, because you aren't interacting with him over his actions and choices.

You are out of the middle.

Charlotte, I'm writing this for myself; not for you. Because you arleady "get it". I'm mentally studying and processing this wonderful Plan B and Total Darkness. It's shear genius.

Hi Bellevue!!!

Thank you!!

Hey, talk all you want...it helps me to hear it again and again...it helps keep any doubts away for sure!!!

Yep. Total darkness. It's the only way!

And my Doberman's Dinner, yes, LOL!! That one popped into my head quite by accident a couple of days ago!!!

I even changed his name to that in IM & my phone before deleting contacts. I had to leave one number on the phone, though so if he does try to call, the song set to his name will alert me not to pick up.

I'm hangin' in! I want to hang on to that love that's left. Hopefully we will be able to recover once the affair is over. I do have hopes for that, still. But other than that, I am done. Movin' on!!!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Reduce his ring tone to an irritating dingaling, rather than any music you previously associated to him.

Remove any possible emotional attachment to the alert. Ringtone #1 on my LG sounds like an alien ring tone - that oughta do it. no tune for dob-dinn-dinn.

I think Chrisner or somebody said that they put Chewbacha's (sp?) voice on his cell for his WW's ring tone. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

What would the new and improved Charlotte like to do first? Do you have anything on the agenda to keep you busy that you're looking forward too? Something that's exciting, or maybe IC too?