You're right, committed.

ITA with your whole post. I just wish he'd get the thing already so I can deal with the fallout, if any, and have it done.

He may call or email in a rage...or he may do nothing at all. I'll just feel better about it in a few days. When I know that it's probably arrived. Monday or Tuesday is my guess.

And yes, he needs to take responsibility. He may even recognize that, given that he's had a couple of lucid moments here and there.

I should never have taken care of any of that to begin with. I should never have sent that other paperwork that he forgot about in August.

That was the day I got really sick, too. I could barely write, I could barely STAND, but I was determined to get it taken care of.

3 hours later I was puking my guts out and I couldn't walk 5 or 10 feet without getting so dizzy I had to sit down before I fell down and then I threw up some more.

Even when I was lying still...if I moved as much as a finger, I threw up. It went on for the rest of the night into the next day.

Some of it was the situation, some was a result because I hadn't been eating right and I used up my last strength, I guess.

I was really afraid that I might end up hospitalized. Jonesy made an appearance and wanted to take care of me but I couldn't walk with or without help because of the nausea.

It was bad. That has never happened to me before so it could only be because of what was going on. Anyway, sorry for rambling on again.

Thank you again for your post!

Okay. Charlotte's Plan B:

I am calling my dentist tomorrow for some much needed dental work. I really need a root canal. I no longer fear those. I have a really good dentist.

Then I am calling to set up the discovery flight. I wanted to wait and talk to my dentist since he is a pilot but I am going forward. If it is set up before I see him, then so be it. I can still talk to him after the fact and see if he has an opinion on whether I should go with this particular flight school or not.

February is touring the culinary school.

March? Who knows? Getting the garden going for sure, depending on the groundhog in February.

April? Well, if all goes according to plan so far, April is when we have to go back to court. My Doberman intends to make sure that Gray takes care of me.

May? My birthday and our anniversary. Since my Doberman intends to get all he can for me out of Mr. Gray and not rush things unless I give him the okay...I can assume that there won't be any final things taking place.

In any case I have to make sure they don't occur on my birthday or our anniversary.

So...right now I can only assume that Gray intends to continue on his deadly path and there will be NO Jonesy. This hurts really bad but I have to accept it.

And that is why I am making plans. It is what will happen regardless. If Jonesy shows up...GREAT! It won't change the plan.

My sister said she'd accompany me to Europe. She doesn't want to go on the Queen Elizabeth II, though. So I'll have to talk to her about that.

I want to go to New York and hang around for a few days and check it out before leaving. I've always wanted to go...I've even had dreams about it over the years. Before the tragedy of 911 and after.

Jonesy had been through there and always said, well, I've never been there, but blah blah. I'd always hoped we could go together.

So I'll be going alone...or with my Sis. Possibly DIL. She wants to go but I guess it depends on how old DGS is and if he can go or not. Maybe DS25...soon to be 26...can take care of him. We'll see.

So that's my plan now.

I'm still considering my Bro's offer, though. To go to school in SF.

I talked to BIL earlier. I've been trying to get in touch with him for DD...he was going to co-sign so she could get a car.

He called me this a.m. but I didn't get the call. So I called him back. He called again this evening. So I called him again.

He finally answered. I'm sure he thought it was about Mr. Gray. Well...NOT!!! LOL!!!

So I talked to him for a little while.

I get to take care of DGS when they all go to some monster truck jam. BIL, DIL and DS25...who will be DS26 by then! LOL!

I guess some people just can't handle getting older. Whatever. I don't feel old. I tried to help Gray in that arena but he just couldn't be helped. State of mind, Son, state of mind.

Well, I'm gonna go finish that homemade fried chicken now. Mashed taters. Too bad Jonesy isn't here. His loss.

I cut the dickens out of my finger on my ulu earlier. I wasn't even cutting the chicken then. I was just washing the darn thing.

I'll live. I used the good remedy...black pepper to get the blood to clot and to kill all the infection baddies. It works, too!

TTFN!

Charlotte

Hi Charlotte,

No advice - just want to lend my support. I have gone to Plan B also. Yes its hard but its all we can do. My WW hates Plan B!

All the best
Vladie

HI Charlotte
I was just thinking of you and wanted to see how you were doing.

Hope you are doing well.

Hi Vladie!!

Thank you so much for your support!! I hope Plan B is going okay for you, it's getting a little better here. Still some ups and downs but I'll live!

I don't know if Mr. Gray hates it or not. I know I'm not supposed to care. He has made tiny noises but that's about it.

Take care!

Charlotte

Hi MicheleG,

What a coincidence! Or perhaps not! I was just about to hunt my thread down for to post, I was waiting for virus update to finish.

Then I come in and it's almost at the top! LOL! Thanks for finding it for me!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I have been praying for guidance a lot.

Today I feel like a page has turned. I haven't quite figured out why I am feeling this.

I decided to check out the bank account earlier and it looks like Gray's bonus must have gone through. For some reason the bank has the deposit on hold. I don't know why. Maybe he actually wrote a check this time. Two different holds, too. Confusing.

So that leaves this week's paycheck and his half of the money for the taxes by month's end.

I am really hoping that there won't be a problem with this but I am a little worried about it.

My first thought on seeing that he had deposited the money was..."well, no wonder there hasn't been any noise about the inventory lately...he has plenty of money!" LOL!

Phew! I can get new tires now! Yay!

I can help out DS26 and DIL! Yay!

Maybe I can get a Doberman now! Yay! I know I'd feel better at night with a Dobie instead of that shotgun. Oh yeah, and my Klingon knife, LOL!!!

I have to be real careful, though. Can't go nuts on a "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" spending spree!! I might need the money to survive if Gray ends up in jail!

I really wish I could be there for that next month for moral support, but I know I can't.

So anyway, I feel different today. I think I'm finally starting to accept that I really may never see Jonesy again. That we'll go our separate ways and that will be it. He knows how I am when I boycott something, after all. He knows I mean what I say.

Not that I'm boycotting him...well, I guess I really am, huh?! I just didn't think about that particular word.

I'm doing some cleaning today, I have to take care of my g'ma tomorrow. My mom is going out of town soon so I wanted to get caught up.

I think I'm going to start to catalog things here to make the job easier for inventory.

The photographer, as far as I know, was going to take pictures. I have no idea if she was going to make a list or anything. So I thought I could at least do that, or heck, even start taking them myself.

I'm just going to start doing that and run it by my Doberman later. It would certainly be easier if I did it because there is SO much to do that there is no way it can be done in a day.

Last night I was thinking about suggesting they do it in phases but I think I'll go ahead and take the bull by the horns and do this.

Anyway, I feel better today and I'm hoping it continues for a little while at least.

I know the roller-coaster ride is far from over, though, so I'm sure the dips will continue. Just maybe not as deep?

I still hold a place in my heart for Jonesy...I really hope he will come back and stake his claim again someday. I am not going to hold my breath though. I think it's probably really over.

I have been wondering...not all of the time, but in the beginning and lately I've been wondering again about the fact that Mr. Gray was married before.

He knows what will happen with all of this. The big difference here, though is that I am the one that filed.

He knows what it's like to go through it, though and no matter who files first...it doesn't make it any less painful.

But that's not what I was going to ask first...I am wondering...how much do you think I really matter to him?

I am his second wife. Granted our marriage has been longer than his first, but I am second.

This didn't bother me in this context until the A started, of course.

But I've been thinking about it lately because over the last few days I was thinking too much again.

Our marriage wasn't a bad marriage. It was really just stagnant. I wanted to do something but I didn't know what to do so I figured, well, we'll come out of this sometime.

About 2-3 months before D-day I suggested we go to counseling...just to get us out of the rut.

I guess it's too bad we didn't go. I don't remember why, now. He was open to it, then.

There were only two of us in our marriage, then.

So anyway, please excuse my rambling...I meant to ask about this a couple of days or so ago but I never got around to it.

Thanks in advance for any input!

Adding:

That doesn't change what I posted earlier...I still feel like a page has turned today.

But it is something I have been curious about so I thought I'd throw it out there so I don't have to think about it anymore.

Charlotte, thinkin' about coulda, shoulda's will drive you
crazy, IMO, the A was festering long before you found out.
I had these thoughts when I knew me & FWH were in trouble. He was receptive to counseling, but wasn't too into it. Now I know why. And about the Doberman. Don't...my last one would have given me up for a few slices of bologna. The dog was good for appearances, but waaay too friendly. Aussies
and the larger terrier breeds (who don't shed, maybe minimally) would make a better companion and natural guradian. Dobes are sensitive to your being gone away from them, they want your undivided attention, but if you love being loved like that, go for it. I'm sure mine probably would have pulld thru for me in a crunch, he was never tested, but was a superchicken when a storm moved thru.
Aussies are great, very protective, but friendly at the same time. The perpetrator would never think something so cute and furry would grab their calf.The Aussie will be your friend one day, but if you come in unvited the next.....pertains to visitors only. Be ready to do some serious grooming for these guys.You want a naturally protective dog, not one you trained to be so, you get into insurance problems with that. But, hey!!!Everyone needs a Furpal!! GF

Hi GF!!

Thanks for your reply.

The first time I brought up counseling with Gray, we searched for one, but half-heartedly. Some of this was my fault because I was so messed-up because of my thyroid with depression and pills, I just didn't have the strength.

I think if we had gone then, we would have been helped.

The second time it was brought up the A was on. I knew he only wanted to go to make me feel better and try to get rid of me, so I refused. He wanted to have counseling with his physician, for Pete's sake!

Some bs about how the guy could help or whatever. I don't know if this is true or not. I almost went to see him for my thyroid problem for another opinion, but I never did. Gray started seeing him after the local doc here that he trusted decided to retire early.

So the 2nd time...I knew it wouldn't do any good. I hadn't found MB yet, but I knew. Even if I had been able to find someone neutral, I knew it would do no good. So I opted for IC when I could finally pick myself up off of the floor and try to function again.

But I didn't want Gray talking to him. I never asked and he never asked, although the IC did.

As for Dobermans...yes, I do want one. We had two at different times when I was growing up and they were both tested!

I like their style. And their method of "kill." LOL!

Our cousin was living with us when we had Sir Gillis and he forgot his key and tried to climb in the window...NOT!!

Even though Gillis knew him and knew he lived there he absolutely would NOT let my cousin in!! It was so funny!!!

He had another test because there was a former friend of the family visiting and he had a gun. I don't know whose gun it was but he shouldn't have had his hands on it and he was not respecting it as a weapon.

Well, Gillis nearly had him by the throat...if my mom hadn't had her hand wrapped around his collar, that would have been IT for that guy. Or very nearly, depending on if we would have been able to staunch the flow of blood.

I don't think that fool ever realized how close to death he was.

So yeah, I love all dogs and we almost always have mixed breed dogs and I had thought about adopting but I really, really would love another Doberman.

Thanks for telling me about the Aussie dogs, though. I'm trying to keep my options open but I can see where I'm probably headed!! LOL!

Hi Charlotte (any other experts too!)

I see you are online right now, and jalynnsprouts over on EN is in crisis, she just found out and I don't know if she is in a position to figure out where this board is. Can you please look in on her thread?

Please, I'm not a troll and I'm not "stalking" telling ppl to post to other threads! I'm posting to your thread because I see you are online right now... and I'd rather not start a brand new thread on GQ as a shout-out...

Hi jayne...I just got this, I'm so sorry! I had the window minimized in my toolbar while I was working on the pc.

Hi Charlotte,

I had to stop by and checking things out. Looks like you are doing well so far. There are some interesting developments however.

I do have some questions for you as there seems certain behaviors that lead to beleive that there is some deeper going on with Mr. Gray which may make things a little clearer for you.

I'll send you an e-mail this evening.

Hi 411!

Thank you! I've been meaning to send you an email to see how your were doing but I've been a little busy.

I almost made it last night but I had to send my Doberman an update and it ended up being so long that it was time to go to bed by the time I finished!

Have a great day!

**CHAR** I think your right....when xh first left I found my pound puppy she was a belgian Malinois mix.....I loved her I was so sad when we had to give her up. My Xh was furious we got a dog.....I just looked at him and said well someone had to take your spot on the bed.....

But i do want a pure bred Malinois...they use them for police work alot now a days...they are nicknamed alligators for a reason....muhahaha....we have a few on our search and rescue team as well excellent drive and fast. I was looking into a few rescue groups and found a big boy named Mac....who is excellent with kids. I am thinking about it...a dog keeps me active and is my running partner. And with my moms dog out of commision (we just found out he has cancer) I don't go running because in our town I won't go without a dog. I miss my scouty.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

Hi SIHW!!

Thanks for dropping in!

nicknamed alligators, I love it!!

Yeah, I keep thinking about getting a Doberman, I haven't done anything about it yet, though! Been pretty busy!

I'll have to block off a time when I can, I guess. I'm going to be super busy with this inventory for a while!

Well,

I was in IM with DIL again earlier. She told me Mr. Gray is taking DS to a movie on Saturday. Which means he'll be in town. So I'm going to bug out.

He told DS to bring his mail. Yeah, whatever! I already brought his mail to my Doberman. Too, too bad, Gray!

He doesn't get much mail so I can't imagine that anything of substance will come in by then.

Like I'd go anywhere near DS & DIL's that day to take it there!

I don't know why he's so interested in his mail all of a sudden. I've been keeping up with it just fine. I had to make two drops with my Doberman since the PBL. It takes at least two weeks for it to be enough.

And the bills come to me to take care of, as stipulated in the agreement, so what the heck?

Oh well, I guess I'll be fretting until I know the coast is clear.

Dang! I am feeling so much better and then I have to hear this. Now I am bothered!!

Besides, if he wants to ask me for his mail he's supposed to ask my intermediary, isn't he?

Dang it!

I guess I'll go to sleep now. Maybe. I was talking to bro and sis again in their respective states in IM.

We didn't do a conference like we did Wednesday night, though. That was a blast!!!

Funny, the best UFO's I've ever seen are the ones I've seen when the three of us were together. Well, no one was checking the skies outside, but then I found out that the real alien will be lurking about on Saturday.

LOL!

C22,

It's getting for me out here.... howa' been? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Looks like you and your doberman have things in check. So the Ws thinks he can control the doberman? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

That mail may have some bite marks in them when he picks them up. LOL!!!

Keep strong. Ws' hate when the BS displays such control and power. Your real H though w/b impressed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

take care,

L.

Hi Orchid!

LOL!! Teeth marks!! Awwww, that's cute!

Yeah, Gray will have teethmarks elsewhere, too, if he messes with my Doberman. Or me for that matter.

He be cruisin' for a bruisin'. Or cruisin' or a chewin'!!! LOL!


I'm not ecstatic about this newest development at all. It feels like he is trying to encroach on my Plan B.

That's exactly what he's doing. Warn your DL and DS about it so they don't end up carrying messages for him to you, ok?