Mr. W,
Marital History is needed. Does one include one's faults and the WS faults too? How long? Bullet Points or paragraph? Main purpose?

Thx.

Sahmom...

Hi there! I just read your post to Mr. W, as he is planted in front of the TV watching football-lol-Anyway, can you explain further what you are asking? Neither one of us understand-we can be thick sometimes! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

I am distressed. Thkx for the quick response. My L would like a Marital History and how we got here. I have typed over 20 pages and I have 5 years left to go. The main details are lost. Is bullet points easier of facts? Do L care about emotion- I loved him etc... I have never written one and I need to do well. My L is short on time and I wonder if I include both of our faults or just the WS faults? Thx.

Ah okay, Mr. W is a tax attorney so he has never requested marital history from someone, hence our confusion...That being said...The lawyer is likely using this for depositions/discovery...gives him a good feel for the case...20 pages may be a bit much...10 pages would be more managable...the lawyer is likely more concerned with the latter years than the early years...You could certainly bullet point some of it for easier reading-and it would be lighter on your pocketbook due to billable hours...Mr. W says if it is gonna be long use headings and do it outline format-that way your attorney can breeze through things he feels are irrelevant...Emotions are probably of little relevance to him as well...

Hope that helps some...

Mrs. W

Thx for the quick reply and I am low on confidence today. I fear that what I put in won't be what he is looking for and he will not be able to represent me to the fullest capacity. My details are lost in the verbage now. This entire thing is unsettling. Thx for the advice- I will use it

((((Sahmom))))...Mr. W will come and post to you during a commericial or halftime...You hang in there...you'll get through this...

Mrs. W

Thx. I am googling to find what to say- I know that most would write this in an hour but I am frozen.

Sorry so late.

My guess is your lawyer likely expects about 1 to 2 pages. If you are going to go to 10 pages plus...which may be easy to do considering you've already typed it up then most definitely put it in outline format.

That way he can breaze through that which he doesn't need or want but at the same time know where to locate the information should he need to use it through discovery.

Don't freeze on this. It's not homework. Lawyer works for you...if you don't get it done today you can do it tomorrow or next week.

Perhaps the outline:

I. Premarriage
A. When and How we met
B. Early Dating
C. Cheating (if any)
D. Did you support him in college
E. Did you live together before marriage and how were responsilities allocated
D. The proposal

II. Wedding

A. Date, time and place
B. Guests
C. Honeymoon

III. Early years (B.C. - before kids)
A. Marital relationship
B. Jobs
C. Anything odd

IV. Golden years (Kids but things OK)
A. Kids names and birthdates
B. How it effected the marriage
C. Allocation of responsibilities
D. Jobs (did you quit your job)

V. Things going sour
A. Marriage getting stale
B. Substance abuse
C. Porn or gambling addiction
D. Independent behaviors
E. Money issues (very important for the attorney)

VI. The affair
A-D. Who, what, where, when and why

VII. Today
A. Affair continues?
B. Affair exposed
C. Attempt and desire a shot at reconciliation or not


VII. The future
A. Want the divorce stalled out as long as possible
B. Want finances protected and secured for kids and you
C. Want stability
D. Still MAY consider reconciliation upon certain terms
E. No interest in settling...at least until full discovery is completed thus allowing me to obtain as much of the truth about my life as possible.
F. Don't really want to go broke fighting but will not compromise due to such fear

Good luck...don't sweat it. It really can be that simple and short and you can expand upon it IF YOUR LAWYER ASKS YOU TO.

I think you should also consider keeping a notebook handy and now and then enter into it a list of deposition questions you'd like answered. Often I find people/posters come here and over time have a lot of unanswered questions about the facts and circumstances (the truth) about their lives. However, without a list of questions developed over time they forget important details they want answered when all of the sudden deposition day is upon them. You likely only get one shot and it's important. That deposition may compromise ALL the official documentation about your husbands secret life for eternity. Over time if you end up divorced...waywards rewrite history to everybody...including kids. They'll say..."we just didn't get along" and minimize the adultery. Without good documentation to back up your story YOU will find yourself being gaslighted for ALL the problems 10 years from now.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

Mr W and Mrs. W,
Thank you for your help. The outline was more than I could ask for and it helped me sooo much. I have been frozen and shocked for so long and now I am getting it together and playing catch up. Mrs. W-I thank you for taking the time to respond to me and giving me hope and Mr. W- thank you for the outline and the advice. I didn't have anyone else that night but you all. I am eternally grateful.

Bump for "D"

Let me know if you see this by actually posting. I don't respond to emails from people that don't post on MB...ESPECIALLY WOMEN even though my wife and I share an email account.

Register

and

post.

STOP LURKING

I tried lurking myself at the beginning of my ordeal and trying to glean pertinent relevant information from the situations of others pales in comparison to reaching out for specific advice to YOUR situation. You don't have to go through this alone.

Mr. Wondering