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#1992768 12/13/07 08:55 PM
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i have a pending divorce from a woman who kept hurting me regardless of how much i tried

tonight a poster said i needed some "serious counseling"

can a few of you vets read my thread and provide me with some additional feedback?

am i crazy?

only two people have provided feedback as to whether my marriage is salvageable... both said no

the thread is in the divorce tab

Last edited by charliethree; 12/13/07 08:56 PM.

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If she is on her 3rd affair and you have been dealing with numerous D-Days since 2004, then you should probably move on. If, someday, she shows a remarkable transformation and a willingness to commit to fidelity, you could give her a second look. But it sounds to me like divorce would be the definition of success in your case. Sorry <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Now, what do you need "serious counseling" for? It sounds to me like you are getting divorced, so you are addressing the problem.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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charlie,

Can you start a new thread or post here for General Questions forum to make it easier for the members to respond? A brief rundown on what happened, your history and where you are now? Add a post here giving us your story.

You sound like a super guy that has been through alot, at a crossroad, and really struggling with your current situation.

I think you need to know, for your own peace of mind, if you've done everything you could have and where you need to concentrate now....

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Agree with nerlycrzy!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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charlie,

Can you start a new thread or post here for General Questions forum to make it easier for the members to respond? A brief rundown on what happened, your history and where you are now? Add a post here giving us your story.

You sound like a super guy that has been through alot, at a crossroad, and really struggling with your current situation.

I think you need to know, for your own peace of mind, if you've done everything you could have and where you need to concentrate now....

thanks newly... that is exactly what i was asking for... i'm looking to hear others say i've done everything i could and divorce is justified

i just don't get it... i'm taking alot of 2x4s on my thread and it's very frustrating

people are making me out to be the crazy one

the link to my story is in my signature titled scared of divorce... click on it to get the background if interested


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charlie,

I don't read their responses as telling you that you are the crazy one. I see them worried about you. About your indecision, your on again-off again view of the past and your future. Not unusual at all when you still love someone and wonder if you did all you could to save the relationship.

Ya know, that's the good thing about MB. Even if your marriage does not survive, at least you know you did all you could and YOU are a healthy survivor.

Once again, please, give us a brief rundown HERE, on this post, your history, what you've done to resolve the problems, the results and any questions you have now.

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ok... basically it was a shotgun wedding. i married her because she got pregnant and it was the "right thing to do" she was on the rebound from her first marriage and i was a lonely guy... marriage was pretty doomed from the start. her ex was in prison and we were living in the house that they bought as a couple. the ex would threaten me and tell his daughter not to love me... that i wasn't her father... i had to give up my job as a photojournalist to make more money and i resented that... and eventually i emotionally broke down and put a wall up

so my wife is the opposite... she had this wretched childhood and first marriage and she needed somebody there to shower her with attention... it was more effort than i was capable of doing at the time

so she started an EA a year into the marriage and PA'd with this guy at the two year mark... i didn't learn about him until the four year mark however

we got into debt by the third year (long story) and ended up having to sell the house she and her first husband bought to get out of debt. she hated that... i was still not communitcating with her as much as she needed and during this time she had a PA with OM2

so we sell the home, get out of debt and move into a really nice rental... i'm making great money during this time... am happy to be out of what i considered the ex's house... finally living in something not associated with the ex and i was ready to start making repairs to the marriage

D-Day: wham i learn about the two men on the same night... like a week or two after moving

that month, we got hit with three hurricanes that knocked the power out in our home for two weeks... stressful time... ended up losing my great job due to the stress

got another job soon after but for the next six months my wife kept contacting OM1... by this time she had been communicating with him for like three years... i got drained very fast and after six months of that crap i probably should have just gone plan B but i was not involved with MB during all this time

i stuck it out but after she kept contacting him basically i just started tuning her out again

OM3 came along around the six year mark

we were arguing alot by year six. there were alot of reminders as to the other men and i was never able to forgive her as a result.... her ex was saying mean stuff to me all this time... my stepdaughter had met two of the three other men and the stepdaughter was having major emotional issues that were a strain on the marriage as well... plus my parents never forgave my wife after they found out

for the last year we were together... i wanted to leave but there was absolutely no way i was leaving my house and my son in that environment... in june of this year i convinced my wife to get an apartment and i convinced her to let my son stay with me

since then she has been dating OM3 but stopped seeing him in october

she is scared to be on her own and wants me as like a safety valve... so she comes over alot and does heavy flirting and being that i am an emotional basketcase.... sometimes i have moments of weakness where i think maybe this can work

and then when this comes out in writing i get judged for being crazy

i am a caring, trusting man... to a fault


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You are not crazy. You are a good guy. Your wife is a serial cheater. From your posts on DD, I see little hope for your marriage.

AGG


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charlie,

Nothing wrong with being crazy---- thus my MB user name- Nerlycrzy- although I think I was being extremely optimistic since I was probably Completelycrazy!

We all feel crazy when we discover the affair(s) and are torn on the next plan of action.

Thanks for the recap. I sincerely hope it helps you get MANY more responses and you are able to find peace in your future plan of action,,,whatever way that may lead you.

C'mon MBer's!! Lets help him out!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

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charlie,

Nothing wrong with being crazy---- thus my MB user name- Nerlycrzy- although I think I was being extremely optimistic since I was probably Completelycrazy!

lol touche!


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Your wife is most definitely a serial cheater and IMHO your best option is to divorce, get custody of your son, and have as little contact with her as possible.

Also, before you marry anyone else learn how to create a respectful, healthy marriage.

I did notice a lot of things in your posts here that maybe indicate you don't take responsibility for your own choices, and/or harbor resentment over things you've agreed to or allowed. Have you read the info here about POJA?

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I did notice a lot of things in your posts here that maybe indicate you don't take responsibility for your own choices, and/or harbor resentment over things you've agreed to or allowed. Have you read the info here about POJA?

i did not use MB techniques during my marriage... i made many mistakes and first and foremost was ignoring my wife instead of telling her what was bothering me

i let my wife use me as a doormat and i resent that

Last edited by charliethree; 12/14/07 10:19 AM.

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this is kind of ironic but as i sit here at work writing this... a homeless man with serious mental health problems is across from my desk talking


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