He didn't waste any time... he said after the holidays... sure enough, his mom and brothers hadn't been gone an hour and he "went out"... and didn't come back. I new he wouldn't but of course I wanted him to.


How do I prevent him from having his cake and eating it too? Yet not do the whole love busters thing??

HELP!!!

EXPOSE, EXPOSE, EXPOSE - coupled with an excellent Plan A.

Exposure will inject some reality into the fog-based illusion.

everyone knows, but people are like, it's their problem, I'm not getting involved, his moms sad, his families disappointed, my bf said "have fun", his bf is having problems with his wife. the OW mom isn't too happy, which helps.

I need an overview of plan A I thought I had bookmarked someones "list" but can't find it.

Called to see if the kids had gotten up yet, dd14 answered, said WH wasn't home yet, figured he was waiting for me to go to work... I hate that he'll be at the house without me, of course I don't want to watch him pack if/when he does, but I also want to know what's going on and he isn't communicating!

Serenity, here is a link to an article written by Dr. Harley regarding Plan A

Maybe that can get you started.

So, he emails saying he's going to get the kids a pizza @ 4... I figure so he won't feel bad about not being around when it's dinner time. Fine! Then he calls me while I'm at work and chats and says he's coming to visit.

Hi Serenity,

I saw your post on mine. What questions are you specifically looking for. That was the first thing that I was directed to think of.

Ask away and see what answers you get. If the answers bring up more questions, ask the questions. People are here posting to you, and you are getting really helpful information, what is it that you need that you don't feel you are getting.

Skins

SS, keep reading Skins thread, I know it's long but I found it very helpful. You may want to look at mine as well. I had some severe difficulties in starting up Plan A, and I had many vets get me on track.

All the best.

Thanks, TMTS.

That is really kind of you to say. Maybe one day it will click on what I am doing that's so successful, because I surely don't see it. However, the time people are giving me is what is making me survive this right now and I am so appreciative and feel so less alone.

You see SS, this woman is a champ!!! She has found strength where many would have thrown it the towel. Also, take her advice... lots of questions, the vets will respond.
I also do all my venting here as well... better than LBing on my WW.

Hi SS-

Sorry you are here, but this is the best place to be in this situation. Have you read Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley?
It's referred to as SAA on this site. It gives details on Plan A and Plan B. It would be a good place to start.

Also, don't spend any energy trying to figure out why your WH is "throwing away" so much. All waywards are like this. They can completely walk away from their reputations and integrity, ignore their kids, cut old friends out of their lives, and even insist that God doesn't mind that they are violating His covenant and breaking one the commandments because God "wants me to be happy." Yep-and stranger things have come out of the mouths of waywards.

There is a running analogy around here that all WS's are sent to the "affair mothership" and have their brains transplanted by the "aliens" because they all seem to act the same, spout the same lines, and behave in similar ways.

Don't waste your energy trying to figure it out. Try to find SAA, read everything you can on this site, and keep posting.


Hang in there

I ordered SAA and HNHN the other day, they say they've been shipped, so I'm expecting them anytime now. I hope it isn't too late!!

He seems so confused. And I sooooo love the alien analogies! They fit perfectly! I know I should stop wondering about things... but I do! I wonder if the alien has not completely taken over, because sometimes I see the look in his eyes that are begging for this crazieness to stop and at other times it's that glassed over evil look, the scary one!

All of his clothes are still at home. I guess he's just going to come and go as he pleases for now... until I or the OW=troll tell him where to go... but like I've said before I don't want it on me to "kick him out."

back to work, thanks for the support.

Popped in during my lunch break... big mistake, I couldn't even look at him, I was too sad. I was making a couple calls "taking care of business"... ordered fuel, cancelled newspaper subscription, looking for a furnace dude... etc. I was sad, couldn't get myself to be nice, couldn't talk to him period.

He took dd where she needed to go and I went back to work. He sent an email saying something about he hopes "we can still be happy to see one another" I emailed back saying I was happy to see him but hurt because he didn't come home last night.

I have never used the words "I want you to end this dumb affair" should I??

he called me from work. For the most part he usually doesn't miss too many nights of calling me when he's at work. I asked him if he'd be coming home to sleep in the morning, he answered "yes"... like with a duh tone... and then appoligized right away and said I guess that was a ligitimate question.

I just need to know what's going on with those two... does she not want him to move in, because I'm sure he would already be there, he isn't staying here because he wants to. I hate this!!! I know I just need to take a step back and breath and let this play out for awhile, but I hate it!!!

SS

SS

Hold tight. I'm too new myself to tell you anything usefull, but the vets will check in I'm sure. (Weekends are pretty slow). Follow your own suggestion for now. I would be looking at this as being a positive sign... he's still there. Whatever you do do not LB. If you got to vent do it here.

I think it is necessary for you to do an EXCELLENT, SHORT, Plan A. If you do it too long, you are liable to lose your love for him, since he has been out of the home before. So please look up all the Plan A stuff. Read Skinsgirl's posts, or LilSis's.

Set a time limit for how long you will do it. I would suggest until the end of February or so.

Is he paying for the family living costs? That is a MUST.

Also do your kids know about the affair? It is important to talk with them about it.

been keeping up on skinsgal's thread.
yes, all his money still goes in the joint account.
teens know he's being unfaithful, they know he sleeps elsewhere when he wants to, don't know what more I should talk to them about. I know they already don't like the ow, because they see the pain it has cost me.

I honestly can say I've been doing plan a all along, yes I have my bad moments where I tear up and can't look at him, but other than that I have done NO LB's

I'm wondering??? if when he is at home, when we are together, when we talk on the phone that I should "act" like things are great between us, not talk about any negatives and just try to be happy? I feel like I've done just about everything I can... Harley books are in the mail, so I'll read those when they come. As for him, I think he's waiting on an invitation from her, to move. ack!!

SS

Sadly moving in with her might be the best thing for him. If he does that, you need to prepare for Plan B. The biggest danger here is that YOU will lose your love for him completely.

Tell your children that you have a plan. That seems to help.

As far as how you act around hubby, just be calm, cheerful and pleasant. When he sees the OW, let him know that it hurts you.

Are you still having sex with him? I don't advise it without STD checking.

the sex is such a huge issue! 1- i worry about std's 2- i hate the thought that he's probably also doing it with at least one other woman 3- it makes me feel cheap afterwards... i told him the other day that he'd have to start buying condoms, i don't want to take any chances, but at the same time, sex is so important to him that if it's denied that would be a MAJOR LB!

why do you think his moving in with her "might be the best thing for him"?

Why does he have to buy condoms, can't YOU buy them? I think moving in with her could be the BEST thing for YOU. Since you will be rid of his sorry butt. And maybe you will be then getting a divorce and you can have a good life.

If he stays going from her home to yours it will just drag on the agony for you and delay you having a nice life without a lot of heartache.

Serentiy,

I am glad you keep asking questions and are talking through what's going on. That's important to get it out.

Keep coming here and looking to the vets for guidance. They are the BEST and won't steer you wrong, and that I can PROMISE you.

Skins