Thanks for the tip about ARKs post.

WOW, we all fall into that boat don't we. It's a great post.

I think that's one of the reasons for his affair; he got bored with you. (I know it might not come out right, but that's probably the truth).

You said you work part time during the week and money has always been an issue. So, have you ever considered getting a new/better job? Have you ever just try to get interviews and see what happened? Have you just go check out job posting websites such as Monters.com and apply to some jobs and see if anything will happened? What do you got to lose?

I think getting a new job, having new co-workers, and having a new outlook will change you dramatically. We, as people, somtimes, have a tendency to resist changes and just be the comfortable/lazy old ways. But change can be very good sometimes and maybe even essential.

Just write down your goals for change and do something different every other day. Pad yourself on your back if you do something different 3 times a week. Doesn't have to be big, just something you would not normally do. By having some type of change, it will gradually transform you into someone new and improved. You will become much more "attractive" to anyone including your kids and even yourself.

BA

Hey BA...how about if you take your own advice? Or are YOU content with being a single, 20-yr-old sitting around offering advice on a forum that exists for married pepole facing infidelity? Enough about YOU!

Your H's affair had everything to do with him not communicating his needs to you b4 he chose to devastate you and your M. Plan A and B are about making yourself a better, stronger person for YOU, thus (hopefully) making you more attractive to your WH. I hope you can find the strength now to take care of yourself and lift yourself up after this terrible tragedy. You are stronger than you think!

My hope and prayers are with you!!!!

Thanks LaLa!

I don't remember mentioning that I work part time. I don't! I have a WONDERFUL full time job. In fact I was working full time and going to school full time while my children were in elementary school. I was lucky to take them to some of my classes. I earned my BS (and my DH is proud of me for that and reminds me of it when I am down on myself). I started my new WONDERFUL job at the beginning of Dec. WH was already on his way out! I do need to strive to make myself stronger and happier formyself and the kids... and if he notices, well good, if not his loss!

Good evening TMTS, Skinsgal, Not2fun, reading your threads... just don't always have something to contribute ;-)

Hi Soon,

He was board with you. Ha. Buddy would have a more productive life if he got out to meet someone to have a little SF with. But if he'd ratther hang out with us and our middle aged pity party, then I hope he learns something.

How you doing tonight? I'm in a much better space.
Kum-ba-yha baby kum-ba-yha!

lol up a bit then down a bit... I'm trying to join the other girls on their GODDESS thread, but I don't know, don't feel like I fit in, but I might sneak in the back and lurk there ;-)

Saw WH and my MIL, we sat together at DDs basketball game. Didn't have a lot to talk about. I cringe when he hollers for the refs to make a call or yells at DD to grab the ball or whatever, he is kind of tempermental when it comes to that.

He isn't seeming too happy these days!! ;-) yeah for me, too bad for OW, she must not be doing to well HAHAHAH!

Hope your curling and pool goes over well. Best wishes to you.

Soon

AH-HAH. Caught cha..Why would you not fit in?

No sneakin and lurkin on the GODDESS THREAD ALLOWED...

If you are LIVIN and BREATHIN and a WOMAN..

YOU'RE A GODDESS!!

I joined ya!

Well, alrighty then...

SS,
I just want to add that although Plan A is awesome, it WILL take a lot out of you,so be prepared for that.

Plan A'ers are some of the most resolute people. You have to be stable in the face of knowing your WH is seeing the OW. You have to smile when you want to cry. It is hard, but concentrate on improvements to you and remember it will make you a better person. You will get his attention with a positive attitude and although it seems like you are trying to "win" him back, you are not in competition. YOU are his wife. Someone said it on hear pretty well....you deserve a FEAST not the crumbs he doles out.

Read up on some other posts to implement a solid Plan A and that will help. Harley doesn't recommend Plan A for too long for women as it can have negative emotional and physical impacts. Especially with a cake eater. Don't you wish you could lift the fog?!

I am currently getting ready to go into Plan B....just waiting for heart and head to sync, but I am getting closer.

Good luck to you! Journaling helps! Praying helps!

Well I think my Plan A is doing what it's supposed to be doing. And my backing off and "being still" as well. I didn't contact WH yesterday or last night. I sooooo wanted too, but resisted.

School was cancelled today, he showed up this a.m. crawled in bed and cuddled we did a lot of chatting. No relationship chatting though, and I didn't ask ANY of those questions that he could lie about or avoid or I'd hate the answer to.

I showered, got ready for work, and left without saying anything. He called me when I got to work and said he hoped he didn't upset me, I said nope, just needed to get to work. We talked for 11 minutes!!!!! on the phone!! That is the longest phone conversation we've had in months!! And none of it was relationship stuff. I'm making positive changes in my attitude and it's showing ;-)

It's that whole Goddess thing. That's great news.

Good for you SS! I have something for you that Mrs. W dug up from the MB archives. It is a post by "2ofakind" from 2003...I think you'll like it...

THREAD ON "FINDING YOURSELF"
written by 2ofakind in 2003...

We need to be apart so I can find myself" What a cute little euphamism that is, finding yourself or finding out who you are.

Many of my dear friends here know that I am a big believer in using a gentle touch on those unfortunate souls who either "Need to find themselves" or "Need to find out who they are" before they can come home to their families.

So, as a public service to these unfortunate souls I have composed "Finding yourself for Dummies"

First, finding yourself...
1. If you can't find yourself, try looking in your shoes. More than likely you will be there.

2. Do not bother looking where your children or responsibilities are, though that would be a reasonable place to look we know you are not there.

3. If need be, go to the police station and give the desk sargeant an 8x10 or you and ask to have an APB put out since you can't find yourself.

4. Ask your child to point to their mom/dad, if you are not sure which one you are reach into your pants and feel around, if there is a penis there, you are dad, if not, you're probably mom.

Now one of these tried and true methods ought to help you find yourself, but it probable dark so let's help you see better. Reach behind you, palms facing you, arms hanging down and grab. That's your butt. Now reach in that and look for a large round object, that is your head. Now, with both hands pull as hard as you can. You are now performing recto-cranial extraction.

Ok, now you have found yourself. We are making progress here! Now we need to find out "who you are". This is not so hard. Look around the house - if there are one or more particularly short little people ask one of them, they are called children, they probably know the answer as it was one of their first two or 3 words. Not able to talk yet? No sweat.

Look for the full grown person with the red eyes who looks like they haven't slept in a while - they probably know. They aren't home??? let's keep looking.

Try looking in a desk or filing cabinet. Look for folders named "mortgage", "Utilities", Or "Marriage license". There will probably be two names here - you are one of those. So we have found you and narrowed it down to two people.

Now look and see if there is a wallet around. Remember that? Little pocket sized leather folding thingy. Look for something that says drivers license. There should be a name. Now find a mirror (Glass thingy in the bathroom), look at the picture on the driver's license and the face in the mirror, if they match, the name on the license is WHO YOU ARE. If they don't, check those papers you found - you are the other name.

Now that you have found yourself and know who you are go find the other full grown person in the house and introduce yourself. Start out with "I'm sorry I could not find myself or figure out who I was, I know now"

Next, knock off the drama, quit being melodramatic and start being mom/dad, husband/wife like you are supposed to and quit with the childish theatrics because the final piece is WHERE YOU ARE. This is called the real world where people depend on you to act like a grownup and keep track of details like who and where you are. The little people in the house are kinda sorta counting on you too.

If this doesn't work and you have to take a journey to answer these questions there is a chance that when you find yourself you will be alone, without a house, without a spouse, without children who love you and without a penny. That is how my XW found herself a year later. Trust me, my plan outlined earlier is better.

Ahhhhhhhhh.... okay, I needed to get that out since the day my XW took off into the sunset and another post yanked that rant out of me. If your WS tells you that they need time away to find themselves and discover who they are print it out for them. If they can't follow the directions make sure the door doesn't hit them in the rear and injure their head. There is a reason I harp on not putting up with crap from WS's who like to play little selfish games - if you indulge them they keep playing them.

I'm better now. Thanks for letting me take a good long vent... maybe I am finally getting my old, dead, buried, BS issues from the days before I met J out of my system.

---------

Thought it might give you a little "pick-me-up" today <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Most of the post had me laughing almost out loud, I'm a very quiet person. ;-)


But this part...?


In letting WH come around when he choses, is "putting up" with his crap, but I feel it would be major LB if I told him not to come around. I guess I need a huge lesson on boundry setting... anyone up to being a teacher??

Not qualified, but I'm sure some of the vets will help you!

Mark is good at this...have you read his "musings" post? It's full of good info on the subject!

I absolutely love that post.... it had me cracking up..... i wish i could give it to my WH to read cause that is where he is right now.... he is lost and wants to find himself

SS, Lala and Bella....(maybe I should be Asa)

You're right about reading all of Mark's Musing thread for indepth help. I'm hoping that all the links work for you. If not, please put a shout out to Mark.

Ace (or Asa who is also trying-to-be-a-Goddesss, too)

[color:"purple"]Edited to add link [/color]

(((((Serenity)))))

Sounds like you did a good job this morning...kudos to you. I like what you said about boundaries...because honey, I am trying to set mine as well. Its just kind of hard when you don't want to LB them at the same time.

Anyway, Just wanted to put in a shout out to you, let you know I am still alive and kicking....

Should be an interesting weekend, as WS doesn't have the kiddies, and I WILL be a good spouse and give him his "space" so he can "find himself"....lol

Seriously, I am going to let him do all the calling....keep me accountable girlie....

Not2fun

HE's SUCH a JERK!!! Ok from Day one he's said his kids are #1. Well do you think he's even talked to his kids NO!! And it's football playoffs!! How SAD for son15 to be watching them for the first time without dad! ERRR it aggravates me! What a JERK!!!!

I haven't called him. He did send an email yesterday blah, blah, blah and I'm going to be secluding myself for football this weekend. Well JERK football isn't on until the afternoon and your kids are here! Those kids that your spending time with aren't YOURS! I'd like to yell at him!! But never would!

OK stepping away from the computer because he's giving me a headache!!!!

Went to see The Bucket List with a friend tonight, it was quite good!!!

not2fun... you haven't called him have you???