Okay...
I am done with my divorce, have cleared my head and am trying to make sense of all this.
My ex and I had been together for about 7 years and married for 4 years.
Around January of '06 we decided to start trying for children. She had been on the Depo shot for a number of years, so it took about 6 months before her system would be clear for us to even potentially try and have children. During the 6 month period her system was getting back to normal, the school she had been attending closed and her life's ambition now became, I will "just" be a Mom.
As a reference point, my ex was constantly seeking for some form completion is what I can only describe as an unfulfilled life. There was always something that she wanted that was going to fill this void. Be that a new pair of paints, blackberry, new clothes, new home, volunteer work, something. It was a never ending quest that was never fulfilled.
At any rate, around December of last year I took her to an Dr.'s appointment and she came out in tears saying that she had some news and that I was not going to like it, it was really expensive and it was not going to be covered under our medical insurance.
She then informed me that our Dr. had told her she needed to go to a fertility clinic.
Now, we had been pregnant previously, my ex was 28 years old and in no rush of needing this extreme route. Keep in mind that at this point we had only really been able to become pregnant for about 6 months at the most.
As an added side note, my ex also had an anxiety issue and hypocondrea issues.
My response was basically and admittedly pretty short and rude. I wanted children very badly but the urgency she had towards this was outrageous. Our sex life for the past 7-8 months had been rotating around a calendar and a thermometer, she was actually interviewing daycares and we were not even preganat.
basically, I blew my top and said, "this is not about having a happy, healthy child. This is about you filling some need for instant gratification. We need to go to an Ob/GYN and get a second opinion on what's up".
She burst into tears and cried the entire way back to her office. Even after I dropped her off I think she cried for the rest of the day.
Quite frankly, this sentence changed my life forever. However, i still feel it is accurate.
About a week later, she came home from work and said... "I have never wanted biological children and have always wanted to adopt".
Now I desperately wanted a family with her. However, I could not support the decision to adopt when we could have had our own children. This is clearly something you discuss prior to marriage and it is, to be honest, something she dropped on me right then and there.
Needless to say, there was a downward spiral, and she changed her opinion of me. Eventually she would begin an affair with a married man at her work and we would get divorced.
During the break up of the marriage and divorce, she came up with 100's of reason on why she wanted out of the marriage, but I've learned that her reasons are now that.
1. I would not financially support the fertility tests (not true, i just wanted to get a qualified opinion)
2. When the topic o f adoption came up, I told her I wanted caucasian children, if we were to go that route. That's not a racist thought. Rather, I wanted our kids, even if they were to be adopted, which was not my first choice, would be raised in a culturally balanced home as that is our racial background.
Looking back, i think I was saying the right thing. Especially as what I was saying truly reflected my position and still does.
In reading this brief description, does anyone feel I was out of line in my reaction?
