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Post deleted by saralynn77
Me- 33
WXH- 33
DS- 5
DD- 3
D-Day 6/29/07
Divorce Final 8/27/08
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LOVE IT!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So nice to hear good news.
I will drink some wine tonight in your honor :-)
(maybe you can pray the SAME THINGS you prayed toward my OW now!)
BW(me) + XWH - 36
3DS - now 10, 8, 6
Married 10 years
D-Day 10-5-07, lots of Plan B, etc.
Plan D --finalized 2-09
Remarried to wonderful man 1-1-11!
now 3 NEW bonuschildren: DD 4, DS 8&9
... ... ...
GOD IS GOOD.
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Sing with me:
Ding Dong, the witch is gone!!!!!
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Post deleted by saralynn77
Me- 33
WXH- 33
DS- 5
DD- 3
D-Day 6/29/07
Divorce Final 8/27/08
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Mazel Tov....
This is awesome......
Queenie
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Are you in PLAN A? Perfect timing for PLAN A, IMO... Plan A, remember, includes NEGOTIATING NC with her..and you communicating that you want to recover your marriage.. And we are now RENTING my H'S condo..which he purchased as a love nest..but hardly ever stayed in... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Post deleted by saralynn77
Me- 33
WXH- 33
DS- 5
DD- 3
D-Day 6/29/07
Divorce Final 8/27/08
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Sara:
I doubt very seriously that your WH is going into withdrawal. He will likely maintain contact with her and I'm willing to bet that this is a PLOY of hers.
It's a sick relationship that they have. They MAKEUP to BREAKUP so that they can try to reestablish the ECSTACY..now that the A is out in the light of day.
This is the PERFECT TIME for you to do a FULL FORCE PLAN A in order to recover your marriage.
It's YOUR CHOICE but I think you can be effective with it...
The affair seems to be coming to an end..
BUT IT IS NOT OVER by any means, IMO...
He has plans to see her on the weekends and they will be in daily contact...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Let me explain the standard MO of the OW...
She wants to give the message: "I AM YOUR TRUE LOVE..YOUR SOULMATE..YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY LIVE WITHOUT ME"..and their R is on that immature level..and he WILL YEARN from her..cause she will play this up...YUCK...
In the meantime, though, you are to do YOUR WORK on evidencing what a NORMAL, REAL RELATIONSHIP is like..with his children..in his home...KWIM?
Try to OUTSHINE the CRAZINESS that will be going on in his SECRET LIFE...YUCK...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Hi Saralynn--
I'm so happy to hear those news. That must be a HUGE load off your back. How I would wish that were to happen to the OW my WH is still seeing. As long as that is happening, there is no sign of having our M back to work. Good luck with everything!
BS(ME)25
WH-29
M-July 2004
D-Day April 15, 2007
DS-10months
Things happen for a reason, the hard part is know what the reason is
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Post deleted by saralynn77
Me- 33
WXH- 33
DS- 5
DD- 3
D-Day 6/29/07
Divorce Final 8/27/08
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Posts: 10,179
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I agree completely that this is a golden chance for a grand Plan A, with as much energy as you can muster having a newborn.
I am seeing lots of dinner-with-the-family invitations, and no concern if he declines, invitations to join you & the kids for fun outings, and maybe the occasional naughty TM if you're up to it.
Since the OW won't be meeting his needs as well as before, you can take over them and let him wallow in cake for a while before cutting him off cold turkey in Plan B. This is a very good chance to help him re-attatch to his family.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Not familiar with your story, but if you can get a sitter every now and again and show up and surprise him, even for something simple like lunch at work, think about doing that, too.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Post deleted by saralynn77
Me- 33
WXH- 33
DS- 5
DD- 3
D-Day 6/29/07
Divorce Final 8/27/08
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Good! Subtly keep him there longer (whenever possible) when he comes over. Of course ask how his day was, and how he is doing, but tell him cute funny things the kids have been up to. Light teasing touch works well with this. A back/shoulder rub would be good if you can do it kind of playfully. (Should he ask why you are doing that, or anything else he is trying to find a way of objecting to, just laugh and say, "I'm your WIFE, silly!" That response can cover any number of situations. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ) Sounds like he is already sneaking nibbles of wifey-cake on the side. Excellent. And just remember - it's not a competition - you have already won hands down.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Score 1 for the WS side.
Congratulations Sara!
I wish I could give the OW in my life a one way ticket to China. Or a long rope to jump off a short cliff. Either would work fine by me. hee hee
"Love the life you live, live the life you love." Bob Marley
BS(me)37
WH(37)
DS1
Dau from prev M 16
Married 4/06
D-day 6/06, again 11/06, again 4/07
Plan A'd all over the place, then
Injunction 10/07, WH moved in with OW
WH has own place 12/07
1/08 Plan B
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Post deleted by saralynn77
Me- 33
WXH- 33
DS- 5
DD- 3
D-Day 6/29/07
Divorce Final 8/27/08
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Posts: 15,310
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So my WH is being completely rude to me and I am pretty sure he thinks I am a fool for plan A'ing him when he treats me like a piece of garbage. Ditto almost everything I said in my SHOUT OUT about PLAN A.. Your WH is following the standard script.. He doesn't want PLAN A to work and will try to through you off course. When I did PLAN A, pretty much didn't feel like it was being effective. I believed in MBer's and my need to demonstrate changes to my H. PLAN is all about YOU. YOU doing what you feel that YOU need and want to do in A PLAN to lead towards RECOVERY of your marriage. You can't look to the WAYWARD for any indication of yourself. You have to feel good about what you are doing. To me, it will be unfortunate if you choose not to continue in PLAN A because I think you have the perfect opportunity and I think deep down your WH knows that. He wants an EXCUSE to continue with his affair without GUILT. He wants you to just give up on him. He want YOU to do the dirty work and to give up on your marriage. TYPICAL, TYPICAL WS stuff.. Tonight my WH tried to start an argument Same old script..my FWH did the SAME STUFF.. I recommend that you take charge. Don't become involved in such conversations about the OW... Plus, he's certainly going through some sort of withdrawal tonight..missing her..yearning for her..wanting to justify in his mind traveling miles and miles to see her..YUCK.... I really feel that I should perhaps try the LMBT or the even more severe Matthew 18 method outlined by David Clarke in his book "What to do When he says I don't love you anymore". I really, really recommend MBer's. That was the answer for US... Plan A'ing him in the face of this just seems ridiculous. When are you thinking that you do PLAN A? PLAN A is done in the MIDST of the affair. after almost 7 months of this horrible trial, I don't think I have it in me to be cheerful or polite when he is rude to me.
I sure do not want to appear to be rewarding him for being a jerk. PLAN A is not about REWARDING him for being a JERK. PLAN A is about YOU...not about MAKING HIM do anything..PLAN A is your demonstration of your changes. If you feel like you are losing your love left for him, it is most definitely time for PLAN B. However, at the time when the OW has moved away, it seems a perfect time for more PLAN A. What are your WH's primary ENs? What made your marriage vulnerable to this affair? What are the ENs that the OW is meeting?
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Post deleted by saralynn77
Me- 33
WXH- 33
DS- 5
DD- 3
D-Day 6/29/07
Divorce Final 8/27/08
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Posts: 10,179
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You have been in this mess for 7 months, and with a baby, so of course you are exhausted. But how long have you actually been in Plan A? It looks like several months, right?
What I would recommend is to gather your physical and emotional resources and carry out the bestest Plan A you can for the next 2-3 weeks. While doing this, line up your ducks to go into a dark dark dark Plan B.
He really is dead on script. Feel free to read my story, and if you do you will see where, after the A was over, my H confessed to me that one of the reasons he had been so mean was trying to drive me away. If I had been mean back, he would have felt justified in what he was doing. He also wanted me to stop being nice because it bothered him.
Plan A to a WS is like water on a witch. They feel themselves melting inside, and scream bloody murder to make it stop.
What you are doing IS working, and though it probably is about time for Plan B, I would hate to see you waste this lovely opportunity while the OW is gone.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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