Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
| Tax-deductible Donation | Site Tour | Meet Dr. Harley | Basic Concepts | Q&A Columns | Articles | Guidance Forum

Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Forums Calendar Active Threads
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 11 of 11 1 2 … 9 10 11
Re: Where is the anger?
medc #2026334 03/03/08 01:56 PM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,536
T
toomuchtoosoon Offline
Member
toomuchtoosoon
Member
T Offline
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,536
Quote
you need to make a decision that you will enforce them


For me, this is what it came down to. I established the boundaries in my mind, but until I decided that I was to enforce them that is exactly where they stayed... in my mind. It's scary and it's hard, but once I made that decition and acted on it, I could feel the strength take hold of me. I know that all cases are different but in mine it made a big difference in getting us into recovery.

FBH 44
FWW 41
DD 16
DD 11
Re: Where is the anger?
toomuchtoosoon #2026335 03/03/08 01:58 PM
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
M
medc
Offline
Member
medc
Member
M Offline
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
exactly...and really it is a kindness to the person that continually crosses the boundary. We teach people how to treat us and often times it is necessary to stand up and be the strong one to help the other person(be it a spouse or friend) to stop their awful behaviors.
Re: Where is the anger?
toomuchtoosoon #2026336 03/03/08 02:04 PM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Shrek's Swamp
P
Pepperband Offline
Member
Pepperband
Member
P Offline
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Shrek's Swamp
You must be willing to feel a temporary discomfort when you decide that you will protect yourself from harm (from a loved one especially)

LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A

LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders
Re: Where is the anger?
Pepperband #2026337 03/03/08 07:04 PM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 977
N
new_beginningII Offline
Member
new_beginningII
Member
N Offline
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 977
Quote
This does not feel comfortable for any of us when we have to remove ourselves from risky behaviors of others - it does get easier with practice - but it will NEVER feel comfortable in the way that pleasing others feels comfortable

If someone has spent their entire life trying to please others, this is especially true.

Even the simplist request to some can be agony for a people-pleaser.

I still get shaky and forget the words I want sometimes, but I do it. One of the best things I ever read (and I'm sorry, I can't remember who said it) was:

DO IT AFRAID.

I completely agree that FEAR is a motivating factor NOT to do self-affirming things sometimes (like setting safe boundaries). When you realize that you can do things EVEN IF/WHEN YOU ARE AFRAID, it takes away some of the fear!

How powerful is THAT?
Re: Where is the anger?
new_beginningII #2026338 03/04/08 10:15 AM
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
M
medc
Offline
Member
medc
Member
M Offline
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
Growth is always uncomfortable at first. It gets easier with time.

I love the DO IT AFRAID quote.
Page 11 of 11 1 2 … 9 10 11

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 500 guests, and 75 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
leemc, serena gome, taylor win, smmpanel24, cartermadison
72,015 Registered Users
Latest Posts
How important is it to get the whole story?
by leemc - 07/10/25 05:16 PM
Radio Program Still Active?
by serena gome - 07/08/25 11:54 PM
Annulment reconsideration help
by taylor win - 07/07/25 04:51 AM
Spying husband arrested
by coooper - 06/24/25 09:19 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Benjamin Roberts - 06/24/25 01:54 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,624
Posts2,323,514
Members72,016
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Forum Rules · Mark All Read Contact Us · Forum Help · Marriage Builders
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Feedback | Terms and Conditions | Privacy Policy | Contact Us | Site Map | Account
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0