I went to the "betrayed spouses" board way back on D-day. When they learned that I was once a WS, I got chastised and run out of there. It was a crummy site.

I want to puke

I should not have gone there, that is some of the vilest stuff I've ever encountered online. I've seen some disturbing stuff online, I think we all have, but that perpetuation of evil cloaked as "support" for people was astonishing to me. It kind of made me think of what a mass suicide must be like. A cult mentality where people feed on thier wrong thinking and reinforce each other and themselves.

I caution all BS' to think long and hard before going there. Knowing that my W must have felt that way at one time, actualy SEEING that mindset was not healthy.

Sorry to hear about the turn your sitch. has taken Rock. It further illustrates the essential role NC plays in recovery.

I am not a BS or WS and I found it VERY disturbing. I would agree that BS should especially not go there but anyone who thinks "normal" would want to hit people on there with a 2x4. The thing that sucks is it is against the rules for me to post anything negative to anyone there because it is a "safe" environment for them to post, GAG! (Believe me; I saw some posts that made me want to scream WAKE UP YOU IDIOT!) There are some sicko's out there. The one group that I have the most distain for is NAMBLA. I am sure there is a support board out there for them but I would violently ill if I ever read posts there.

As for your wife, if she is no longer WW then she may have trouble processing that she thought that way at one time. My friends FWH goes through periods where he can’t believe he had an A. He tells her he thinks back and says “That couldn’t have been me but then I realize it was. It is like it was a nightmare I had but it was real.” I feel sorry for her but I also feel sorry for him (to a lesser extent). We all make mistakes but I could not imagine walking around with that one in my head.

I apologize to bring up the subject of those types of boards. I do also advise a BS not to go there. It is some truly stomach-turning stuff.
To think that there are people out there supporting each other like that is very disturbing.
Rock

RS, my question for you is why aren't you in a very, very dark Plan B?

Rock,

What MEDC said...

I agree whole heartedly. I think it is time to protect yourself from the hurt and pain.

Mark

Rock,
I have been following you for a while. This my first time to post to you. I looked at her posts on the other site. Why are you not in plan B or plan D. It has been three years! She knows you are not going to do any thing, it is time to take action. Stop living in continuous He!!. I hate to sound this way but I have been there and things got better after i took action.

AF

THREE YEARS?!!? Whaaaa???

Rock-- tell me it isn't so!

Wow... you are very tenacious... I can't believe you haven't had a mental breakdown!

With these posts she had on iVillage.. I'd say plan D is in order! You can always stop the D if she decides to wake up. If not-- YOU ARE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HER! Those posts were SICK.

I feel somewhat responsible for "posting" the link to that site where you found those posts.... and I'm sorry to everyone else that went and read there (for the record, I NEVER EVER posted there. EVER. Even when I WAS a WS... I was STILL disturbed by that site... I was on the "ending an affair" board for a bit (about 3 posts) before some kind soul that was there directed me HERE... much more useful and I haven't gone back to iVillage SINCE...).

Anyways, I'm sorry to the people that read there and wanted to barf. But-- take heart in knowing that STRAIGHT FROM A FWS... that stuff disturbed me even when I was in the thick of my fog. I think it takes a special breed to post on THAT board and REALLY justify things, and SUPPORT other people JUSTIFYING it.

I don't even know what happened to the person that directed me here from there, but I am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL to them for it. Coming here was the BIGGEST fog clearing event, hands down. And when I REALLY started understanding what I needed to do. I was already NC before I came here, but it wasn't until I came here that I really got my [censored] in gear.

OK-- this is sorta turning into a T/J now so I'm gonna stop...

I feel for you Rock... that stuff was sick.

((((Rock)))

Get yourself AT LEAST some plan B... you deserve better.

TT

Rock,

I am very sorry for you. Although I do not know what capacity your LB has left, I would highly recommend you adopt Plan B as soon as possible if you still even wish to recover the marriage.

Reading her posts was interesting and gives me the impression that she is a huge target of opportunity with a very dark Plan B. She is in a total junior high girlie fantasy world. She is nervous giggling in the ladies room with her new friends about “how far they went last night.” Like many of the posts and posters at those sites it sloppily drips of false bravado, insecurity and fear. It is really time to show her what the real consequences of her choices and actions.

You have done a wonderful job trying to save your marriage. Now you need to heal you and let her decide her own fate.

I wish you all the best Rock. You deserve that.

Oh Rocky...I just can't believe it. W2S was sick about this when he woke up. He would have posted, but he had to get some sleep for work.

Tell us- what are you planning? I know you have 4 children...is there any way to get her out of the house? Are you documenting? Taking screen shots? Seeing a L? Do you live in a fault state?

If you cannot post here to actually strategize...you can email me and W2S at [email]stillstaying@gmail.com...[/email]

I have to say that that site is the most disgusting things I know of. I also found my WW posting there and have followed her posts as she keeps changing screen names since she knows I am checking now. I am sick, ever time I find another post its like another DDAY. DO NOT go there if you are in plan A, it will ruin it for you. I think that is why I had such a hard time with plan A. I am now asking my wife to leave I cannot handle the lies and reading the things she writes on Iviliage. I don't think I'll be able to recover after the last round of lies, which have been uncoverd by following her on there.

I have 2 daughters La La.

I am sorry, Rock...I was thinking of someone else, then. How old are they??

That sig line really helps those of us that are a little lacking in the memory department, yanno (for various reasons, mine being many years of, um, well, um...what were we talking about again?) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

6 and 13

Mine being many years...

First sign of old age = Can't remember things.
Second sign of old age = I can't remember...

Mark

It's time to sit down the 13 year old.

What else are you doing in response to this latest revelation (or can't you divulge it here)?

Rock...how far do you want us to go with advice...seriously...don't want to give away the farm, here, OK! I have LOTS of ideas, but am afraid to throw them out here in case she is reading!

Fire away, La La. Remember, this is a "pro-marriage" place. Why would she come here?