My husband's company is moving to another state. He initially declined an offer to go with them. However, a new offer in on the table. It's MUCH better than the initial offer.

I DO NOT want to move. I wish I could change how I feel, but I can't. Whenever I think about the prospect of moving our children (one going to middle school next year), I feel physically sick. I can't eat and I can't sleep.

The company announced their move last fall. My husband has been looking for another job since then. He had one offer but turned it down because the offer was a little low (he could have countered) and "there were other prospects that he wanted to see through". Well, all those prospects are gone and he has to give an answer to us moving on Tuesday. Oh, and he also had a job offer a year and a half ago. My gut told me then that it was a great opportunity and that he should take it. But I played the supportive wife and said nothing. Look where that's gotten us.

I'm so pi$$ed at him!! Now it looks like we're going to have to uproot our children and our lives because he "wanted to see what would happen." Well, here it is.

If we don't move, my husband has no job and will probably resent me. If we do move, I'm going to be resent him. I already do for putting us in this position.

UGH! Someone please tell me what to do! I'm already in counseling to try and deal with this and I'm still not dealing very well.

Ack! You sound frustrated

I hope you are feeling a little better now. What is it about moving that worries you? I think this is where the Policy of Joint Agreement comes in pretty handy. Can you and your husband discuss this without getting angry?

I know it can be upsetting when you feel like a good opportunity has gotten away, but sometimes there are good opportunities awaiting you that you can't even see yet. Try not to get stuck longing for what could have been. It's a waste of your energy. The other job opportunity could easily be full of negatives that you just don't realize.

You can deal with this. If you end up moving, it'll be a great adventure. If you end up staying, you'll do it because you both agree it's best for your family. Hang in there.

I get the sense that you don't communicate honestly much. You deal with each other, but you keep your true feelings hidden. Sitting down and being completely honest - him as well as you - will make a huge difference.

If you don't want to move simply because of uprooting the kids, I hope you will give that more thought. Research has shown that kids moving can go a long way toward increasing their self-confidence, adaptability, ability to deal with stress and be creative, ability to put themselves out there and make new friends...lots of benefits.

If it's a personal reason, by all means tell him what that reason is, so you can discuss it. He needs to know.

But I sense that he's got feelings about these job moves that he has been keeping from you, probably in some sense of duty, strength, afraid of upsetting you...could be a dozen reasons. You really need to talk about it - without resentment and without disrespectful judgment against each other.

Maybe I'm missing something, but why are you pissed at him?? I didn't get the impression that he forced this to happen, he simply didn't take a previous offer that you both seem to agree was low.

It sounds like the move is just one of those things that happens in life. It's like betting on the stock market and being pissed that some of the stocks went down. Sometimes that is just an opportunity to buy more of them since they will go up. Just something that happens if it's no persons fault.

As a military member, we move every couple of years. At times it sucks, but at times it is really nice to get to wipe the slate clean and start over somewhere new. New people to meet, new places to see, new experiences to enjoy. Besides, moving is also the best time to go through all those old boxes and get rid of anything that just needs to be dumped!

Take another look at your feelings and situation and readdress if you are pissed at him or just frustrated with the move. Again, if this wasn't due to him not doing what he should or because he forced it with his actions, then just understand he is going through the frustration too and be patient. Rather than get pulled apart, this may be a great time to come together.

Start researching your new location and finding reasons why it will be great. Even if you don't feel it right now, the more you read and discover, the better it will become.

Something to note also for the kids is that this is so very important to do. You cannot put on a "I hate this!" face or else they will get that as well. Put on the "Wow! Look at the park, camp, lake, etc... that we will be close to!" so that this is a good experience. Get them involved by having them research things they want to do when they get there. Make them part of the process with packing. It let's them feel like they have some control rather than having everything control them as things change about.

I hope it works out. I also hope you do see this as an opportunity and not a curse. Your mindset will do so much for bringing you each together.

Good Luck!

Oh, and if you want to mention where you are going, I might already have some familiarity with it.... Spent most of my career overseas, but a few Stateside places too...