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My wife of 4 years has decide that she wants space away from me because I neglected her emotionally. She also want the ability to make her own decisions without thinking about what I would do. I've read His Needs Her needs. It was very enlightning and explains so much. I've made some changes within myself but she is does not want to deal with me because she is getting over the hurt. This has been going on for 4 weeks and I understand now how I've treated her. She has gone out with her friends every weekend and stayed out until the early morning while I'm at home with the kids. We have a 1yr old and she has a son from a previous relationship thats 6. Is my only answer time? Someone please help!!!
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Number one, she wants time away to persue her affair.
Number two, if she DOES move out, DO NOT, I mean DO NOT give her ANY financial support.
You need to start snooping IMMEDIATELY and as I can't stress enough to put a recorder in her car or in the house to catch her in her affair.
You need to snoop on the computer and review the phone bill.
I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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I've actually been snooping and I've found nothing. The only thing negative I've found was that there was a stripper at the last gathering of her friends home. She took me off of the cell phone account because she thought I was controlling her.
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She's cheated on me before and the reason was because of emotional neglect and the guy said the right things at the right time allowing him to take advantage of our situation. That was 2 years ago. She vowed that she would leave me before cheating on me again.
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I've actually been snooping and I've found nothing. The only thing negative I've found was that there was a stripper at the last gathering of her friends home. She took me off of the cell phone account because she thought I was controlling her. RED FLAG! AND she's cheated before. She's learned to hide it really good.
I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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She's cheated on me before and the reason was because of emotional neglect Bullhockey. She just likes being the prima donna while you answer to her needs. How much could you have possibly been neglecting her? You don't sound that dumb, so what is the real reason? Answer: she's selfish. Keep snooping. She likely just hides it better. I personally love the idea of a voice-activated recorder under the seat of her car. They say that it is in the car that most of the A talk goes on. If you find evidence, expose the A. She needs to learn some consequences. It sounds like all she's learned since the last time is that she can just blame you and you ask her what YOU can do to make things up to HER. Makes no sense. If you don't find evidence, you can try following all the rules here, but it sounds to me like you need to grow some boundaries. She doesn't respect you because you don't respect yourself. Going out every night while you sit? Strippers? Uh-huh. Great mother material. If nothing else, I'd call up her mother and tell her what she's doing. Then tell her father.
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I desperately need help! WW issues have been exposed to mom and dad. WW responded as anyone would when caught. It seems as if it is worse than before. WW is completly through with the relationship and feels that I've destroyed what was left. Someone please give me some advice that will help me progress and repair this mess or did I do the right thing and what should I expect now. WW is preparing to leave and take the kids.
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Sure it's worse, you're taking away her secrecy and making her look bad. If she has already cheated, you can bet she was again, or was at least planning to. She has to own her own mistakes. She lost the right to be mad at you for exposing when she chose to stray. You, however, DO have the right to be mad - stand up for yourself and TAKE that right.
The first thing I would do is go back to mom and dad and tell them what's going on now, ask for their support to keep the family together.
If you think it will get nasty, go see a lawyer today. Tell him about the affair, and ask him/her to help protect your rights to live with your kids.
We can talk about the fixing the marriage stuff later. For now, do damage control. If you stay the calm, reasonable person in this, she will only look worse, and will eventually have to come down off her high horse because she will lose everyone's support.
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WW is preparing to leave and take the kids. Do not allow her to remove the children from the home! Get a bulldog attorney ASAP to protect your rights. Can you send the kids to visit your parents? Can you take the kids for a long weekend or impromptu vacation?
Me - 44 DW - 39 Married 16 years DS10 DS6 DD4
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When a woman says she needs some space, it is over. Don't waste time trying to work it out, lawyer up.
In fact, the best way for a man to salvage a relationship when "she needs some space" is to play tough. Most men beg and plead and that is a turn off. You need to let her know that you will be just fine without her. Make her worry a bit instead of placing all the worry on you.
As far as cheating goes. Well, once an alcoholic always an alcohilic, the same applies to cheating. However, proving she is cheating is pointless. I know you want to know but the courts won't care, it is a no fault system.
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When a woman says she needs some space, it is over. Don't waste time trying to work it out, lawyer up.
In fact, the best way for a man to salvage a relationship when "she needs some space" is to play tough. Most men beg and plead and that is a turn off. You need to let her know that you will be just fine without her. Make her worry a bit instead of placing all the worry on you.
As far as cheating goes. Well, once an alcoholic always an alcohilic, the same applies to cheating. However, proving she is cheating is pointless. I know you want to know but the courts won't care, it is a no fault system. He is wanting advice on how to save his marriage. That's what the MarriageBuilders site is for. If "once a cheater always a cheater" is true every time, why do you think the Harleys would waste their time in counseling couples in these situations? I agree that the OP has major problems on his hands, I just don't feel like we should say "Give up, it's over" before he's fought!
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When a woman says she needs some space, it is over. Don't waste time trying to work it out, lawyer up.
In fact, the best way for a man to salvage a relationship when "she needs some space" is to play tough. Most men beg and plead and that is a turn off. You need to let her know that you will be just fine without her. Make her worry a bit instead of placing all the worry on you.
As far as cheating goes. Well, once an alcoholic always an alcohilic, the same applies to cheating. However, proving she is cheating is pointless. I know you want to know but the courts won't care, it is a no fault system. He is wanting advice on how to save his marriage. That's what the MarriageBuilders site is for. If "once a cheater always a cheater" is true every time, why do you think the Harleys would waste their time in counseling couples in these situations? I agree that the OP has major problems on his hands, I just don't feel like we should say "Give up, it's over" before he's fought! Some marriages can't be saved and if she is a cheater, perhaps it is better if he doesn't. Still though, I did offer advice about how to save it. Play tough, don't beg and plead. Everything I said was true. If you can dispute it, do so now.
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Well, once an alcoholic always an alcohilic, the same applies to cheating. If you believe this..why are you here? Obviously this statement isn't correct as there are a lot of recovered former way-wards on this site. I DO agree that too many men lose their backbones and that it is a real turnoff for their spouse. PC, if your wife cheated before and now is up to no good again, I DO think it is time to get a lawyer and send her packing. IMHO, a repeat cheater should NEVER be taken back.
Last edited by mkeverydaycnt; 04/20/08 09:33 PM.
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Perhaps I should explain that remark.
Cheaters turn to another when times are tough. If they do it once, the odds are very high they will do it again as it is easier than working through their problems which can be quite difficult.
But yeah, don't beg and plead, you will be sealing your fate. Lawyer up and KNOW you will be ok without her, let her know it too. Then you may have a chance of reconciliation. Above all, do not let her take the children. If you do, you just lost custody.
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Well I appreciate all of the advice and what I found out was that she has had opportunities to cheat and I've found evidence that something did take place. Bottom line is WS is young and still has some growing to do. I will take the advice about the lawyer, but I would still would like to work out my marriage. She has been confronted about the issues and has agreed to attend counseling sessions to get help. She has not changed her mind about leaving. I understand WS needs time to work on self, but I don't understand space. She just got a promotion which will take affect in 10 weeks. Hopefully the counseling sessions will be enough to change her mind. Keep the ideas coming.
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Did she admit to cheating?
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Yes she did. She said she did it because she wanted to get back at me for not giving her space.
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uhm -
talk about through the looking glass logic ....
Belle, Domestic Goddess
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Please explain in laymans terms.
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Please explain in laymans terms. Backwards or convoluted logic. In other words, having an affair to get back at you for not giving her space is a nonsensical course of action.
Me - 44 DW - 39 Married 16 years DS10 DS6 DD4
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