cake eating, pure and simple.
now if your prepared to continue sleeping with your WH, then do it, I am. I wont say it is issue free, but at least I dont feel like I am cheating on anyone.
I also would love to tell OW but i am not a untrustworthy person.
I know about fog, and alien abduction mindset. i though up another. there is a default adultery setting in everyones mind that gets triggered at the start of the affair. It has a few selections to be chosen, but really its all the same.
I do suggest you expose tho. i did to everyone. the oly 'safe' place he has that doesnt really know is with OW's parents. and of course OW not knowing about us.

anyone have any suggestions on how I should proceed, given that I still love the SOB...

nztami1, what are your reasons for not telling OW about the fact that you are sleeping with your WH. If I could I would definitely tell her. See how she deals with the lies, I'm sure that she would be a lot less tolerant of the deception than u have been.

mixed emotions. contact my via email, **edit**
I am unable to freely post on MB at the moment as my WH has found it, and can see what I post.

I guess the general consensus is that he is cake eating or attempting to ... it never ceases to amaze me that someone who has been with you for 15 years can completely disregard your emotions and keep on holding out hope to you. Or perhaps it is a goodbye letter expressing his difficulty in the past of choosing between the 2 of us but now he has made his choice. Or perhaps he is caught up in his MLC (he does show classic signs) and will emerge at some point from the fog.

At any rate, one last piece of advice needed- should I be moving to Plan B? I guess at least I wont be subject to the ups and downs of waiting for him to come by under the guise of picking up him mail or waiting for his call.

If YOU can handle the separation, this seems your only choice. But, if YOU cannot do it I doubt it will work. Because you have to basically set boundries and once they are set you'll have to keep them firmly in place. I'm thinking this will be hard for you to do as you seem to still have strong feelings for this man. I, too, would tell OW that H wants to have both things going at once. This seems to be a way to stop him in his tracks. Why protect her? But, be realistic...if she is sleeping with a married man, she is not really all that great to begin with and may not really care if he's lying. It depends on what she's trying to get out of their relationship. I could be wrong, but I doubt she thinks she's in this for the long haul with H. In the beginning of Plan B he may seem distant and get really close with OW, but if the love really runs deep for you...he'll miss you. Best of luck.
Don't let him have cake and eat it too. You're in control now...use it wisely.

thanks, off I go into Plan B. I'm sure this isn't going to be easy but nothing has been easy since DD # 1. At the very least it should help with my self-esteem which has been battered.

mixed emotions {{{HUGS}}}
I am so sorry for you. Will keep you in my prayers.

so here we go off on the emotional roller coaster.... so have been implementing a modified plan B- no initiation of contact, just responding.... got a TM this morning from WH:

I'm not sure if I should say this or not.... but I think or you often and I miss you.

Haven't seen him in a week. What am I supposed to read into this?

One of the main purposes of Plan B is to protect you from the emotional damage that your WH inflicts on you while he is engaged in his A. That means you should have little to no contact with him. There is absolutely no reason to respond to this text message and I don't think you should even be reading them.

In hindsight, the problem with implementing a full-on Plan B is that during the course of our relationship I was very independent and avoided confrontation so clammed up for the most part. Plan B to me seems to be a continuation of the behaviour which led to the destruction of our relationship in the first place. So I guess really I'm still in Plan A.... I know that for him to write this note was extremely difficult as it is admitting a vulnerability... maybe I'm just not cynical enough... maybe he is just cake eating... all i know is that I havent heard/read anything like this in a long long time.

Personally if I got that text message, I would respond saying "I miss you too, I miss my lover and friend, but I cannot be just friends with you, so don't send me anymore messages like that unless you want me as your one and only lover"

I would also make sure the OW knows about the text message he sent you. Do you have her cell phone # and can you forward it to her?