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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 199
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 199 |
All
What is MB philosophy on contact or no contact with your ex spouse (when kids are involved) after you have finalized divorce.
I mean, is the ex an OW/OM to every other relationship you have or do you treat them differently because you are divorced?
grindnfool
M-13 years
D-Day 10/26/06
Divorced 11.2007
DS-16, DD-9
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Since a former marriage is not an affair, it wouldn't be treated as such. It wouldn't fall under the strict dictates of "no contact for life." I would think that the conditions that apply to other opposite sex relationships would apply. For example, there should be no relationship other than an open, business relationship where contact is kept to a limited, only as needed basis. But even that would be subject to POJA, IMO.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044 |
I agree with ML. Ex spouses...assuming there is no residual baggage to be resolved..are not a threat to a marriage. Kids need their kids to communicate at times. Doing so, in an open and respectful (to your current marriage) fashion is in everyones best interests.
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 213
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 213 |
Since I am in the process of filing for D myself(as the BS), I asked SH his opinion on NC after D final. He said something about relaxing the rules especially with kids. Personally I am not ready for contact and the D won't be final for 14 months....maybe I will be ready then.
[list] BS-Me 42
WH 41
D-Day 8/2/07 (right before our anniversary)
Married almost 20 years
Plan A 8/07-9/21
Recovery-false 9/21/07-2/8/08
NC broken 12/07-2/8/07
implemented Plan B 2/8/08
Plan D 5/12/08
DS 11 DS 8 with special needs[list]
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397 |
Kag,
Your sig line says you have a child with special needs. For that reason alone you'll need to have contact... and I would strongly encourage it for your child's sake (in fact, for both of your young children).
How do you handle exchanges with the children now? Do you have an intermediary?
Just passing through...
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 213
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 213 |
All contact is between an intermediary. We are on an every other weekend visitation schedule. I email him updates on the boys. He was never that involved with the kids when we were married(other than playing). I handled all the needs of my son and will continue to do so. I plan on asking for physical and legal custody of him. Their dad can continue being their 'playmate' and I will be the parent. Nothing new here.
[list] BS-Me 42
WH 41
D-Day 8/2/07 (right before our anniversary)
Married almost 20 years
Plan A 8/07-9/21
Recovery-false 9/21/07-2/8/08
NC broken 12/07-2/8/07
implemented Plan B 2/8/08
Plan D 5/12/08
DS 11 DS 8 with special needs[list]
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397 |
Understood, Kag. More than you know. Hope all goes well...
Just passing through...
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