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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 128
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 128
1. OW is leaving job on 10/30---cant wait.<BR>2. OW and H will no longer see each other every day as now but I have no guarantees that he has given her up and that will not see her on his and her day off. He has been having exciting days off.<BR>3. Still lies to me and tells me affair was over one year ago, when I have a witness that<BR>tells me that they stayed alone together<BR>in the place, really late up to the time I confronted him with this AND, just BEFORE I confronted him with this he announced to me that he and OW were going to Boston for the day to see this guy to help both of them stop smoking (he announced that they were not going alone but that her mother and father were also going fo the day...an outright lie...they wanted an exciting day out). His plans to go to Boston with OW were cancelled IMMEDIATELY once I confronted him with his infidelity. My source tells me that since he (and she) were confronted they have never stayed after hours alone together anymore and he has been coming home early every night (way early as in 5:45 instead of 7:00pm). <P>3. He tells me he loves me and wants only me, wants his family together, he tells me he does not love her (???I have doubts). He wants to rebuild our marriage...<P>4. They are both keeping a low profile at work.<P>5. I have threatened him with everything.<P>6. Have informed him that if I get any evidence that the affair is still going on<BR>I will just leave and he won't be able to stop me. He is ready to accept this challenge.<P>7. Our fights have caused problems with our<BR>teenagers who are acting out and arguing among themselves. This worries me.<P>8. The thought of him with OW is totally unacceptable and I have nightmares about her.<P>9. I love him and can't really imagine myself alone, but then again, do I want a husband who has no regards or respect for me or for my feelings ?<P>10. I don't know if I can bring myself to simply ignore what he does on his day off with OW.<P>11. What about her ? Should I have this thing run its course and hope that she will get tired of my husband (only seeing him one day a week). She is young (39). <P>12. I informed him that after she leaves the job she cannot call him or come by to see him, if she does I will know about it (from<BR>his other worker). <P>13. Does he want me to stay so that I can take care of the house and kids. Is he pretending to love me ?<P>Don't know what to do.

Joined: Apr 1999
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Hi Sadfor,<P>Can relate to not knowing what to do. First take a deep breath. There is a lot of good stuff here, but lots of confusion too...<P>1.Good stuff: She is leaving the job - Terrific! He wants you and the marriage. Great! These are real positives that shouldn't be underestimated.<P>On the other hand:<BR>2.Confusing stuff: You seem somewhat ambivalent about whether or not your want the marriage - on the one hand, you have given your H an ultimatum. If you find out the affair is continuing you will leave and on the other you ask if you should let it run its course. The real question here is are you ready to follow through on the ultimatum and leave your marriage? Ultimatums are useless if you are unable to follow-through and I sense from your later question and your statement that you love him - you are uncertain. You have every right to be uncertain! But just don't cut off your options in a misguided attempt to control your H's behavior. He has to want to stop with OW. Believe me you don't want him if he only stops because he is afraid of your threat - and he won't stop for long (JMHO).<P>Also, threats, demands and attempts to control just never work very long or very well in my experience. Check out the info on lovebusting on this site...<P>Sad, believe me Iknow how you are hurting. I have been living and learning in infidelity hell since Jan. But you need to decide if you want the marriage or not first - then really try to make your actions match that goal.<P>Starpony

Joined: Sep 1999
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Thank you Starpony:<P>I can use all suggestions I can possibly get. <BR>Yes, I do love my husband yet, am I prepared to live the rest of my life with him knowing<BR>he can't stay faithful to me. I am not willing to live in hell the rest of my life. I can't leave him now, my 16 y.o. daughter and 13 y.o. son are VERY UPSET over our arguments and they feel unbalanced and unhappy because of us. Just this morning we had another major blow-up when I found out that he will abe alone in his shop with OW all day today, tomorrow and Sat due to the fact that other girl is out sick....I don't have to tell you what these two will be doing....I also caught him in a lie, just this morning....I asked him what her street address is (she is unlisted)...I told him I needed to know just in case I wanted to drive by her place to check if he was there...he gave it to me...I said "how do you know her address ?, am I to assume you have been already spending a lot of time there ?" He said "I only know because we sent her a card as a group from here" and, I said, "I have been snooping around in the shop and found out that she SENT YOU a card, not the other way around"....now I caught him in his lie....they do not meet in motel 6 but at her apartment....I just want to scream....I am in a killer mood....


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