My wife recently filed for divorce, she has since moved into an apartment. We have a 4 year old daughter. She says is loves me, but is not in love with me. She feels that I have ignored her for 2 years, been married for 8. She went through a cancer scare and i wasn't goint to appointments with her. etc.. She also can not take criticism from my parents(they do their fair share), I would just tell her to blow them off. She says I never stood up for her. She told me 2 days ago they are a big part of why she wants a D.

I do not want this at all. Realized I needed to be more emotionally connected, so I changed she said I was smoothering her. Which I think I probably was. About 6 months ago she started to see a counselor. Last week I stopped by and she hugged me and gave me two kisses. Gave me hope, the next day she told me it didn't mean anything and it can't happen again.

So I started reading books about how to stop your divorce. I am trying that tactic now. Acting happy, not argueing, agreeing that the marriage wasn't working, complimenting her, trying not to look like I am desperate, etc.... Although its very hard, i miss her so much.

So now I need some advise. Remember my only goal is to save my marriage.
1.) Do I change the locks on our house-she has moved out.
2.) Her Bday is in 2 weeks, what do I get her?
3.) Should I try to get my parents to help. My parents want our marriage to work as well. My parents are angry because she wants a divorce but miss her very bad. I told them that if they disrepected her, they would not only lose a daughte n law,but a son as well. Should I have my parents call and apologize, and tell her they don't want to lose her or me.

I am thinking part of the reason she feels its easy to D me, is because she feels my parents are so angry with her. If I can get her to realize they love her and she misses them, it would help.

Any help please!!!

I wouldn't have your parents call. They aren't really the problem. The problem is YOU didn't tell your parents not to critize your wife. You didn't say "Hey, she's perfect jus the way she is." She's not, and you know it, and she knows you know it. However, every spouse wants his partner to tell the world she thinks he's perfect just as he is.

Also, by not telling your parents they were out of line, you lost some respect in your wife's eyes. She saw you as still their little boy. Just imagine if you then had your parents call her up to handle your problem? At best, she'll see them as overstepping, at worst she'll see you as running to them to fix the problem.

My guess is your parents have violated more boundaries than just cricizing your wife. The problem really isn't your parents, it's how you've handled your parents. Lots of people have crazy interfering parents, but when the spouses inforce boundaries, they can laugh together about how nuts their parents are.

If you want your wife back, I wouldn't change the locks. It sends the wrong message. There's always time to change the locks.

Is she willing to go to marriage counseling at all?

Have you sincerely apologized for not going to the medical appointments? HOnestly, that would really make me consider whether you were a committed husband if I were your wife.

As for her birthday... That depends on how angry she is at you. If she's really angry, I'd go with a card and help your daughter pick out somethign special for Mommy. In addition, you may want to help your daughter make something for Mommy. Time and money. And it's acceptable because while the effort is from you, it's nominally from your daughter. Plus, this meets affection, financial support and family committment. By teaching your daughter about gift giving and spending time with her, you are meeting the family committment need.

Good luck.

No do not change the locks.

My favorite gift my husband ever gave me was a key ring. He always thought he had to spend alot of money on me and for one aniversary he spent about an hour picking out a two dollar key ring for me it was in the shape of a heart with Pooh on it.

Always in the future consider that the day may be the last you will ever see your wife or someone you love. Always tell and show them how much you love them, then whatever happens there will be no reason to regret.

Thank you so much for the advise. I will not change the locks, or ask my parents to call. I appreciate your help. I think I just need to be patient and let her anger subside. I just have to find a way to prove my love that doesn't look like I am desperate.

I think for her birthday, My daughter and i will make her a picture frame, and a DVD with pictures of her and my daughter and maybe a few of all of us to a few songs.

We're going through hard times right now (H told me he was going to see an attorney re: divorce) and his birthday is next week and our anniversary is the week after that...it's a hard position to be in cause you don't know WHAT to do/get...

But, I think that's a very thoughtful and sweet gift. I know I'd surely appreciate it.