Hello Marriage Builders...

I use to post here...

I went through a painful divorce... my WH and OW are engaged.

NOW my mother is having an affair!!!
I'm upset. I feel so sorry for my father... who doesn't know. I feel like I want to yell at her... I've told her to stop.
YUCK!!!
She has been giving me support... caring for my kids sometimes I guess I can find other ways... ugh this is so upsetting.

CKateL

Welcome back. Of course if you have posted here before you know that you need to tell your father and provide proof. Also you can tell the OM's wife if he has one.

oh... so hard... should I tell my mother to tell him
that is what she wants!!
I don't want to hurt my father.
UGH

No, I would just tell him myself and give him the proof. Is the OM married?

No he isn't married. I have no physical proof. She leaves for a day at a time now to visit him though... and she told me.

I guess then... besides fighting infidelity, I will anger my mother to no end... my father will be hurt, and I at least am not keeping her secret!!!

I wish to God that someone I loved and who loved me had told me.

Instead, I found nude photos of the OW on the computer.

Imagine my devastation.


Consider sitting down with your father, and holding his hand. Look into his eyes and say to him,

Dad, this is the hardest thing I will ever have to say to you. But you deserve to know the truth about your life, and you deserve to have a chance to save your marriage.

Mom is having an affair. She didn't want me to tell you, but she must stop, and I know from what I have learned that the first step to stopping this mess is to shed light on the affair.

The second step, dad, is to learn everything you can.

There is hope, dad. I can help you and I can support you. I will stand by you. Whatever you decide to do, I will support you.




Then, give him this website address. He deserves as much support and information as everyone else. And you KNOW he can make his marriage better, and it CAN survive, and he CAN get through this.

There are plans - and he needs every bit of ammunition he can muster.

Send him here.


TELL HIM NOW.

AND NO, DO NOT WARN THE AFFAIR PARTNERS IN ADVANCE. THEY DON'T DESERVE A WARNING.

They will only use the warning to cover their tracks, or go further underground, or to make you look like a fool.

Expose this affair fast - and call the other betrayed spouse as soon as you tell your father.

Love him through this. And remember, your mother is in the fog. Whatever she says right now is fogspeak.


SB

You know that you have to tell you dad that your mom is WW.
As school bus said: Tell him and then take him through this site.
How old are your parents.

If you don't want to hurt your father, THEN TELL HIM! He is being harmed behind his back and needs to be WARNED. If his bookkeeper was embezzling money from him would you NOT tell him because you didn't want to hurt him?

Don't even say anything to your mother beforehand. Just tell the man. Afterwards, tell her THANKS A HALE OF A LOT FOR PUTTING ME IN THAT POSITION! And tell her not to speak to you until she ends her affair. She needs to hear from you how DISGUSTING she is. This will be a much needed wake up call.

Send your dad here to GENERAL QUESTIONS 11 and we will help him. He can ask for me.

You can handle your mother's anger. You are a big girl. You should NEVER EVER sacrifice your principles just so your mother will not be angry at you. It is immoral of your mother to have an affair and immoral for your mother to expect you to hide her secret from her VICTIM. Don't aide and abet her in her immorality. You do her and your dad NO FAVORS.

Speaking of being angry, your father will be VERY ANGRY, and righteously so, when he finds out you KNOW and didn't tell him. You have a moral obligation to tell your dad, you DO NOT have a moral obligation to hide your mothers filthy little affair.


Your father is already HURT. He is being HURT behind his back by the affair.

Be BRAVE and do the right thing, NO MATTER HOW HARD, CKateL. That is what a person of character does. We don't just do the right thing when it is EASY, but when it is HARD.

I am surprised no one else mentioned this:
Do you really want your kids to be with your mom while she is in a fog? Imagine how they would feel to see Grandma involved with the OM.

Good luck CKateL. You know what you have to do.

CK,

I'm wondering if your dad knows yet.

I'm thinking of him. How much longer he will go in his life before he knows that his wife is quietly killing him behind his back, not giving him a chance to do the things he could do to fix their relationship.


I'm wondering how he will find out - will someone who loves him tell him? Will he accidentally find an email, overhear a conversation, get a gut feeling and follow her?

How will he feel when he finds out his own daughter knew and didn't tell him - that she chose to support the affair, the evil, the wrong - for even one more minute longer than she had to? How will he ever understand why his daughter chose to hide the affair from him?

Will he understand that? Will he understand why you chose not to let him know - and instead chose to support your mom's immoral behavior?


Have you chosen to do the right thing, CK?

I'm hoping you have. Even though this is so hard, it IS the right thing to do. Love your dad enough to do the hardest thing.

The right thing is often the hardest thing to do.

You will not regret having done the right thing.


But, if your dad finds out any other way - you will regret not having told him yourself. There will be no explaining it to him, and your own shame in that will eat at you. I can promise you it will.

SB

Ok, CKateL,

I am going to assume your mother knew of your H's affair and why your marriage ended right? You also have children that she looks after from time to time or more often, right?

She told you about her affair right?

So I am sitting here looking at this and thinking several things, none of them too complimentary to your mother.

1. My she does love to hurt her daughter, that would be you.

2. She is a huge coward and she wants YOU to tell your Dad rather than she tell him.

3. She has little regard for you or your children given what she is doing, either because she feels you are too weak to actually tell your Dad, or she wants to silence you by putting you in the middle and thus making a choice.

So let me ask you a question. Do you want to be proud of yourself? Do you want your children to grow up knowing right from wrong? Do you want to be respected for your core values? Do you love your Dad?

If the answer to these things are yes, then you do what your values tell you needs to be done. It really is that simple, and really there should be no debate.

If your Mother truly loved and RESPECTED you she would not have put you in the middle of this,especially knowing how hurt your were by your H's affair.

You call, your decision, but to me this is a "no brainer". Follow your values.

God Bless,

JL

JL --
Thank you! My thoughts exactly....how unbelievably cruel of your mother to conduct an affair in front of you.

After the pain you have gone through, for her to make you her confidante is just viscious. How could a mother be so thoughtless?

Wow.

You've been given very good advice. It must be exposed.

I would be hurt as a father if I found out my kids knew and didn't tell me.

You aren't wrong and you are protecting your family. I very much regret not warning my father when I suspected he was going to possibly cheat.

TELL YOUR DAD, just as it has been suggested.

Exposure will hasten the end.

I hope you do the right thing, CK.

It’s going to be painful for you. But imagine how much more hurt and angry your father will be when he finds out you knew and didn’t tell him.

I see you are divorced because of your xH’s adultery. How much trust will anyone you meet now have for you when they find out you look the other way?

You mother should be ashamed for the adultery and for intentionally putting you in this awful position.

I am wondering, is it an exit affair and you are just another tool of hers?

With prayers,