yes yes.. I can't decide though if I'm suprised or dissapointed that neither you, nor BC seem to have picked up this little gem SL left hanging like a dangling participle...

Oh, yikes! I am surprised too, James, but you have to remember BC is on vacation (can you say BEEEEEEER?).

Ahhh yes.. that does much to explain the lapse.

I suppose my opportunity is passed to comment, so I shall be merciful


You seem well SL .. while there doesn't seem to be a ton of M recovery in our little gang, the stories of personal recovery here are very compelling.

I'm shifting gears and looking to catch up to a lot of you.

We'll see.. I too am in no rush

yeah, I played 36 holes of golf yesterday, and found a few bud lights at some point

I checked in last night, but was too tired to pounce on even the biggest of meatballs

I'll be around this week, just not like I am when I'm trying to avoid work

so much golf and bud light, so little time

You have to wonder about the little group, as you say. Maybe it was divine providence that we all formed a sort of alliance, started the Bee thread (thanks CJ) and really helped each other in our darkest hours.

None of us took the exact same trip, either. Chrisner did the dark Plan B and divorce in a short timeframe. I had false recoveries, in and out of Plan B, now on to Plan D. Foxy had a shaded Plan B, and is now D. Guy has been in Plan B for some time, not the darkest, and is slowly creeping toward being ready for the D. BC, hmmm, I'm not sure of his progression, but the D was final not long ago and he is doing swimmingly.

James, you'll get there. I would be lying if I said that I was still not bothered by PWC's actions, but it fades so quickly these days. He is already exposing DS to his new lady. It's not what I would do, so it irks me, but it is what it is. I cannot control that, and must accept it. Now, if this lady turns out to be a biotch when it comes to my son, PWC will hear from me. I'm a mama bear when it comes to my son.

I feel similar to how Foxy feels about dating. I don't want it to infringe on my time with DS at all, at least initially. I don't want him to even know I'm dating. I also won't be dating while I'm STILL MARRIED. I don't want to be a fricken hypocrite.

SL -

bumping so I can come back & keep reading. Your initial posts with the earlier pain is exactly what I'm feeling.

Blessings -

SL just thought i would pop in and say "Hi". You sound as though you are doing pretty well.

I am sure that the "daddy's new friend" thing was tough at first but it sounds like you did not dwell on it for long which is a GREAT thing. You are one strong woman.

Things still going okay with your sister there?

Sounds like you had a nice relaxing Independence Day anyway. We went to a town about 25 minutes or so away from our house (we used to live near this town) to watch fireworks. This town puts on the BEST DARN FIREWORKS SHOW i have ever seen it was fun.

I put an update on my thread so you will have to see my latest. Oh well life does go on whether we want it to or not so i guess it is best if we just keep going on with it. That is about all we can do anyway.

Take care.

Kim,

It was a horrific nightmare, and my mind was all over the place. I kept thinking it was something *I* wasn't doing, but it was truly the drinking, the waywardness, still pervasive in our marriage. I had enough by last November and told WH so, going so far as to discuss him moving back out AGAIN. It took me another half a year to get to the point of being completely done. The first month he was gone was a bit rough, still working thru what was mine, what was his.

I kept thinking I didn't love him enough, or could have tried harder. The reality is he didn't want to let me IN. It did feel as if he was just waiting for me to tell him to leave. Now, he can blame it all on me. I'm a convenient fall guy. He can say things like "she just couldn't get past the infidelity, even though I tried". Just being there, sitting on your heiney and drinking doesn't qualify as trying, in my book. He doesn't have to be fully honest with any NEW person, so he's off the hook. Meh, whatev. I feel sorry for whoever he's lying to these days. REality can be a bitter pill.

SC,

I'm gonna check out your thread. I AM doing well. Better than I had hoped for. I have gotten out of the way and am letting the healing take place. Whatever happens from here out, I can deal with. When the triggers come, it passes so much more quickly. Having an unrepentent spouse is really tough; I hadn't realized how much it felt like it was sucking the life out of me. PWC became one of those slugs that my mom always talked about. What a shame. He's a fat, bloated idiot.

My sister has her own set of issues to deal with. She has been thru alot in her nearly forty years, and I believe suffers from PTSD; much worse than I ever had. She really is shell shocked. She has panic attacks over lightening now. She seems very fragile, and full of rage, all at the same time. She drinks often; seems like it's USED to blot out the negative thoughts, but then it backfires if she becomes even a little bit down or negative; she spirals downward. She's usually in her room by this time. She is a victim of molestation twice over, comes from a very broken home (ours was broken--terrible experience with step dad, etc.) and has had any number of horrible relationships, including this last one.

She's pretty down right now. I have talked to her about getting help with a twelve step program; she has to make that choice. It's free, and anonymous. If there is anyone in need of guidance, it's her.


Anyhoo, it's good to hear from you.

I've had some time to think on PWC introducing son to his new GF. A little backstory first...


The first time my mother remarried, without even talking to us kids about it, we were transplanted from GA to Germany--that was a drastic change, and traumatic for this little second grader, at the time. The SECOND time was even worse. My mother had an affair, and left us kids with my very angry step dad to find a new pad for us all to live in. That new pad resided in another county, so in my sophomore year, and my sisters senior year, we changed schools. It was tough, to say the least. My sister ended up not graduating. The emotional trauma was pretty immense, too, especially for my sister. It was so tough having these huge choices made without us having any say in the matter. We were ripped from what we became accustomed to over and over again.

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I WANT FULL CUSTODY. I don't want my son ripped from what he knows because of a relationship choice. I'm a parent, first and foremost. Yes, I'm a woman, and yes, I have needs, but I'm a woman who chose to have a child, and who promised to be a MOTHER to him.

I can date when he's not around (eventually, after divorce, of course). Any man worthy will understand.

Experiencing what I have, firsthand knowledge of divorce and affairs, I just can't put my son thru that.

I hope I can do this; I pray I can do this.

The kids already being introduced to something foreign, new after the break up, AGAIN, of his family. The kids already being shown that he's not number one to his dad; that someone else takes up his time space, his special time with dad, and that's with his dad only having him 7-8 days a MONTH. It's amazing how shortsighted and self-serving supposed adults can be.

meh, I just needed to post that. Get it out of my head, so that my swim/workout in the morning will be peaceful.

SL,

I totally understand the vent about the potential revolving door of 'GF's' that may come and go in the lives of our children. I think about it often, too.



EGG-ZACT-LEE. I'm right there with you, as is everyone around here. This is what WE can DO. This is what WE can control. What the POWS does is out of our control. Yes, it SUCKS, but it is what it is.

Giving our kids the BEST example of what relationships SHOULD be about is what we will do. Having that positive, stable example from one parent can help overcome the bad examples of another. Keep the faith.

Drac has already drug my kids through how many Off and On times with just the one Ho? Too many. DSS, poor guy, went through many more before Drac and I were together, so he's seen waaay too much in his life already. That is one of the reasons I am so determined to keep my relationship with him. To teach him that there ARE relationships that last forever and that people that we love aren't discardable. It takes work, but it is important and can be done.

I know he SEES and FEELS the difference. I know it helps him. We will go through the typical rough patches that parents/teenagers go through. I am trying to prepare myself for that. I just know that he will always KNOW what is right, based on the example from me.

Fight for full custody, absolutely. Yet know that you will always be the shining light in DS's life no matter what the outcome.

Hope your workout was peaceful.

I love mornings when it is so sticky you could cut it with a knife, and then I HOP into my pool. Yum.

My workout was peaceful, I love the sound of the water wushing about as I swim; it's very soothing; but I'm feeling a bit more tired today. I've been in the pool for the past three mornings, and it's starting to show. I'm ravenous all day long, too, so I have to fight the little devil inside who longs for cake and cookies, and dumb him down with protein and veggies. It's a pretty tough battle, since I'm a sugar addict, but I'm winning so far.

This is the first time I've 'worked out' since last summer when my neck starting hurting. It's nice to feel the muscles regaining strength. In the fall, I will start resistance training with bands. It's a more fluid workout, easier on the ole neck. I look forward to whittling my middle a bit more. I plan on starting the diet again at that time, too. It's too tough right now, to give up BBQ, cake and champagne (not all together, although it sounds like a yummy meal).

Bugs, keep it goin with DSS. It really is the best thing for him. I don't think my Stepdad called or wrote or tried to see us after my mom left. He emailed me recently to apologize for how he treated us kids and my mom. That doesn't really help so much NOW as it would have THEN. Carry on.

HI SL,

I'm bumping this for Kim so she can keep reading, but wanting to send you my love and prayers.

You sound good and I know how strong you are, but this is still hard stuff and even though no amount of pain will kill us, inside our truest thoughts, we don't always know that.

You are always so strong for me and today I wanted to reach out and hug you and let you know how special you are and how much I admire you and your strength.

I'm putting my son on the airplane in a few hours, so I will be back from the airport in a while.

I love getting up in the morning and not finding my name in the obituaries.

BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

Chrisner, you slay me. Oh, wait, that could mean MY name will end up in the obits. Let's just say you make me laugh so hard that I pee my pants. Well, that doesn't sound good either . Incontinence is not a laughing matter, and probably means I'm one step closer to aforementioned obits. Hmmmm, you make me laugh so hard I bust a gut;nope--obits. Laugh so hard that I cry--sounds like I'm deranged and on the brink of killing myself or someone else, leading to either suicide (obits) or murder (trial, obits).

Let's just say you make me laugh. Thanks.

SL, glad to see you had a fun time tonight.

You're right. PWC is a maroon. Some day, he will regret it. Today, he's not worth the time of day.

You deserve so much better.

(((SL)))

MAROON

I think it was A CHARDONNAY MOMENT...

Mimi, you have to think like an Amigo

Maroon

Yup, BC's got the right on, man.

I did have fun last night, and for the first time since I can remember, I didn't talk SOLELY about my situation, and when I did, it didn't hurt, and I didn't become angry. We also talked about hair and nails and clothes and weight and being Moms and marriage in general and food and family aaaaaaand men. It was nice.

I feel like me again. I've missed me. It's good to be back.

How was I supposed to know about MAROON as defined by BUGS BUNNY?

Really, you guys, HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT??????

I'm definitely OUT OF THE LOOP or OVER THE HILL or something!!

Lots of Saturday morning cartooning was done in my home. Bugs Bunny was a staple. Not to mention Daffy Duck and Tweety Bird, among soooo many others.