Here's my plan B letter. I'm not too happy with it, so i couldreally use help. Sorry if it sounds familiar because I took bits and pieces from others that i've read here.

To be honest, it was really hard to write because i'm not feeling strongly about what im saying. I guess I've waited too long for this. I want to save my M, but I've lost a lot of my feelings.

I'm also afraid that it's going to have zero impact on her. She's the one that doesnt want to talk to me, so why am I telling her not to contact me anymore? I think I'm better off filing and not to continue telling her that I want her back. That's been my problem this whole time. I've been too soft and I kept pushing to fix things when she didn't want to. The more I ask, the more she gets annoyed, so any help bringing things more in tune with that would be appreciated.

This is supposed to be about tell her no contact, but turned out to be alot more apologizing and wanting to work things out. HELP..

Dear WW,

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever written, but I need you to know how I feel and why I’m doing this. (about getting her things)

What’s happened to us has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever been through. In all of our years together, I never imagined that we could be in this situation. When I married you, I thought it was forever and that was the happiest day of my life. I’ve never been more confident or sure about any other decision than the one we made on our wedding day. I’ve loved you my entire life and you have always been my best friend. It hurts me deeply that somehow we’ve lost each other and the things that were most important to us.

I know I’ve already said this… but I’m sorry for my share of the problems in our relationship that made this possible. I wish I could go back and give you everything you needed from me to be completely happy. I wish we communicated better, so you wouldn’t have felt the need to go outside of our marriage. When I found about your affair, it tore me apart. I’m sorry for all the anger and ugliness you saw, but I hope you understand what I was going through. It was the worst pain I’ve ever felt, but I came out of it with a better understanding of who I am and what’s important to me.

I’ve been hoping for a chance to forgive each other for our mistakes and to leave the past behind us. I thought we were getting that chance, but it hurt me even more that we weren’t both invested in it. I know that we can learn from this and build a stronger marriage together, but I can’t do it alone. It seems like the more I try, the more you pull away. It’s draining my feelings for you and I don’t want that to happen.

If you’re not willing to recommit to our marriage, I think it’s best that we no longer contact each other. Please take the rest of your things from the garage and if there’s any other reason you need to reach me, you can have (SIL) or (BIL) contact me. I’m not doing this to hurt you. It’s just too painful to continue this way.

You know This isn’t what I want. I want more than anything to have a clean slate and move forward with our life together. I still want all the things that we planned… to raise a family and to grow old with you. I want to go back to (honeymoon) on our 10th anniversary and to all the places that we’ve wanted to visit. I know that we can fall in love again if we give it a real chance. You are my wife and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make you happy and save our marriage, but you have to want that too. I don’t want to pressure you.

If you decide that you want to reconnect with me, I need us both to take full responsibility for our actions. I need a meaningful apology for your affair and a commitment to making things right. We need to be completely honest and have no secrets from each other no matter how much the truth can hurt.

If you can agree to all of these things, I would do whatever it takes to make things work between us because there’s nothing more important to me than our life together. You know the way home. Love always..

Looks good to me. Hand it to her and then go dark.

Totally dark.

And start focusing on you.

Give it a few months and then file for the D.

Believe me, I think you being dark will drive WW nuts. You can't see it, but you guys are still very much connected to each other.

Hey DM--

I agree you need plan B-- STAT.

What makes me nervous about going plan B NOW is that it is NOT following a spectacular run at plan A. Plan B is far less effective IF its not following a spectacular run at plan A-- that's why I pushed for the vacation, THEN plan B. (I realize its not your fault the vacay fell through though!).

I think maybe that you should have done plan B awhile ago-- that at this point, you don't care so much anymore about her, have lost the vast majority of your love-- and really you want her to "react" more so for your own ego, than you do because you want HER back-- am I right?

I honestly don't know what to tell you to do-- I am wary to agree whole heartedly to the plan B thing. But, I think you are past plan A too. You are in no-man's land. The land that you aren't supposed to enter-- that land where you've lost your love and just don't care anymore.

Maybe some vets will chime in here.

I agree with pom that you are still connected. I'm not sure what her reaction will be if you go dark NOW. Since things have been so TENSE, I'm afraid she might be more RELIEVED than upset. (hence why plan B needs to follow a good run at plan A).

YOU need plan B. You personally. And I don't think that you have any more strength to do any more plan A-- and I don't blame you. She's put you through HELL and back. So, if YOU want plan B-- and in the back of your head you don't want plan B just to see if she reacts-- then by all means, GO FOR IT.

I really wish the vacay would have worked out for you. That would have been PERFECT-- plan A vacation, a week or two home of plan A-- then B-A-M--- plan B time.

Things aren't always perfect though, are they?

I don't know what to tell you, honestly. I'm not sure that plan B will be effective in saving the relationship, or affecting her (at least right now, someday IT WILL)-- but it will SAVE YOU.

And right now, you need to worry about YOU FIRST.

E.