Me and my wife have been in recovery for the last 6 mnths and have been doing very well. Now after a hiatus of abt 5 mnths the OM has decided to come out of the woods and has been emailing/calling/msging my wife for the last couple of weeks on almost a daily basis. She has been completely ignoring them and has been letting me know and even letting me hear the msg and see the emails. Btw the email was 8 pages long single space!!!..unbelievable.

He keeps emotionally blackmailing my wife as to how she can dump him and destroy his life and how she can be happy abt her life when he is suffereing.

The OM btw used to be my best friend and is single. Where as me and my wife have a small baby adn our trying really hard to piece our lives together quietly and privately.

Any one deal with such a thing and how do i handle this. So far i have left my wife to call the shots becoz it is her mess and she is trying very hard to clean this mess. But these random acts even though are now an annoyance do take an emotional toll on us.

any adivse would be helpful.

call the police, change numbers, emails addresses...simple and effective.

I'm no expert, and don't claim to be one...but, one would have to think that leaving it up to your W to clean this mess up with OM is probably not wise. I could be wrong (and correct me if I am) but isn't that just opening up an avenue for contact between them? I think you should go the legal route and look into a RO instead. JMO.

Slicked:

This OM attacked your M when he went after your WW.

Then, NC was supposed to have occurred 5 months ago.

Suddenly, he is calling/emailing/texting WW.

Is it a possibility that he had been doing it all along?

And you WW is FINALLY decided to let you know so that maybe you could help her stop?

Just a thought.

But to continue that thought. You DO need to be involved to clean up "her mess"

The OM is trying to climb in your bedroom window and your rolling over and telling your wife that it ok.

That isn't OK.

Stand up for your W. And your new child.

You do not have to talk to him at all, if you don't want to.

You could call him up and draw the line, right HERE, that it's over. The next time he contacts your W, the two of you are going to file a Restraining Order on him.

Or, just file the Restraining Order. No need to threaten.

Collect the information that you have, and take it to the police/courthouse and have the R/O applied.

Who cares if OM is unhappy. That was his choice.

Your W made a choice as well. She is probably unhappy as well. She is WITH YOU. That's the important part.

Time to FIGHT for your W. To PROTECT her.

LG

unless something has been left unsaid a RO will NOT be issued in this case.

Numbers and emails addresses should be changed.

A letter, certified from your wife should be sent to him telling him there is to be no further contact. If he violates that, the police can get involved as this would constitute harassment.

As of now, there are NO grounds for a RO.

MEDC:



LG

Just helping you out LG...

That yellow is tough.

edit: beat me to it.

Slicked,
You will be kidding yourself if you think that you can remain in Recovery with this renewed Contact and not taking action. Every time there is contact, the clock starts over again.

Why does she still have an email address that OM can use?

Why does she have a phone number that OM can use?

These are not Recovery steps Slicked. And whether she is letting you hear and read them or not, this is stroking her ego and poisoning your marriage.

Do you want to live under that black cloud that IF you have a fight with your WW or some other stress occurs that she could go back to OM for support?

Take action!!