I had to ask. I'm glad it wasn't Tim McGraw.

I think TM and FH have had a great M. It's nice to see that for a change.

KU, if I recall right has had alcohol and rehab issues.

You know what they say, money and stardom make you more of what you already are!

onlyUcan

I am trying to have the best plan A i can, avoiding LB's etc. She is sometimes pleasant to talk to, but I think in her mind she is just done.

She just doesn't have a plan or the courage yet to file for D.

I just sent an email and left a message for the headhunter about the job. She is an old friend I told her family issues are making it critical that i return home as soon as possible.

No, I wont be able to make an appt with the Harley's until after next payday. WW told me a few days ago that I had to come up with 6k by 15 Aug for the kids tuition. She maxed out my credit cards too before I changed all the acct's. I will be eating bologna sandwiches until the 15th of next month.

I know I have to get home! I am feeling alittle discouraged today. WW texted me yesterday that she "forgot" about IC appt. Then texted me later that she and DS were heading in from the beach. I didn't call her last night and she didn't call me either.

Marshmallow

you figured it out! Yeah WW and her friend told me about it. Apparently since they helped plan the event they were backstage. KU starts chatting with WW and WW was nice but not starstruck or anything.

KU finally says, "you don't even know who I am do you?"

WW: no, sorry, should I?

KU: I'm KU.

WW: Oh, really, that's nice.

KU: Are you a fan of my music?

WW: I'm sorry, I am from Boston, we don't do country music, I am sure it's really good though...

KU: Where's your H?

WW: He's deplyed right now with the Navy.

KU: (more bs talk, you are really hot, etc. etc.) Say I have a suite with some champagne back in my room. Wanna come up for a drink?

WW: Thanks, you're real sweet but no.

KU: it's got a jaccuzzi hot tub, i bet you look great in a bikini, or out of one...

WW: guess you'll never know. sorry.

I now see these stories in a bit of a different light than before. WW and friend told me the story cause they thought it was funny, but WW used to tell me about other times guys were trying to hit on her as well. She told me about one time a college guy tried to pick her up at a social function and wouldn't leave her alone.

I should have seen these as warning signs back then that I had better start meeting her EN's.

Oh yeah, and on DD #2 i asked her about other guys as well. she said that she gets hit on, asked to go for a drink etc. but hasn't ever taken anyone up on it. Guess what? 2 of the 4-5 guys that asked her out are not good friends, but fairly close acquaintances of mine!

I know it's her fault, she was telling everyone we were separated and stopped wearing her wedding rings. But geeeeez, I would NEVER do that, of that I am SURE!

I think it's hard to know HOW someone falls into an A. I look at my H and the things that he went through watching his mom and her failed Ms and I don't think that he would have ever thought he would do it either...not that I am excusing him in the least.

People here call it a slippery slope and I think that is exactly what it is. You take an innocent step and then another and before you know it, you are sliding into something you didn't really intend. Yeah, you shouldn't have taken those first few steps, but I think that often an A will take on a life of its own. I'm not versed in religion, but this is one of those times where I could totally see the devil at work...temptation leading us into sin.

OK...enough of that...

Keep up with your Plan A. You may feel like you aren't accomplishing anything with it, but you are. If nothing else, you are creating a good picture of yourself in your WWs mind.

HTM

OnlyU

well just had a chat with WW about picking up DD from camp. WW needs money, funny, she said she had $6.66 to her name (ouch, bad number.)

She talked about us for a minute and said, "I just don't see how we can move on together. There are so many people that will never forgive me. I know your sister will never forgive me and will never let me forget it. I think this is just hopeless..."

Keep doing your Plan A. She is foggy and in withdrawals. It is normal for her to think that this is hopeless. You are the one who will show her that it isn't.

Could you send her flowers today? Send something with a note that says that you believe the two of you can work through this together. Let her know that you are on her side.

She is starting to feel the remorse for her actions. That is a good thing, but it is also a hard thing. She hasn't looked at herself this way yet. She's been living in a fantasy world where everything she did was justified. It's gonna hurt to see the truth.

HTM

I love bologna and mayo sandwiches.

SWW, she feels sorry for herself all the time, you have to just let her work that out on her own. You can't rescue her from the decisions that she has made.

The best things that you have done during this time have come from sticking to your plans, having committed action and following through.

Don't let her diversions side track you. You are doing a fine Plan A because here biggest complaint was being abandoned. You are talking to her and you are working on getting back home.

You don't have to overdo it and kiss her butt. She doesn't deserve that. IMO.

Just stay the course.... don't react to her manipulation. Some of it is a bad habit that will have to change by her experiencing that you have personal boundaries that you aren't willing to sacrifice.

That's how I have to be with my 20 yr old DD.

onlyUcan and HTM,

I was reading a thread by some guy named Walt. It goes on for like 56 pages, and in the end he finally realizes his wife is narcissitic personality disorder adn gets divorced.

I really like the more positive messages from people like you both. Whew, that was a depressing read.

Yes, I am plan A'ing as hard as I can, and paying close attention to her EN for conversation. Asking her questions, listening, letting there be an uncomfortable silence for a minute without leaping in, at which point she seems to leap in and pick up the slack.

SWW, she feels sorry for herself all the time,

Yes, she sure does, and I interpret it as as she is saying her misery or boredness or brokeness or 5 yr old suburban or hectic schedule etc. etc. etc. is my fault, BUT, I am listening with no DJ's or LB's.

Had a bad 24 hours thinking about the A's again. Am working very long hours to try to keep my mind off it and praying a lot.

I hate that she is so unhappy, I wish there was something more I could do, but I will stick to the Plan A.

I see a long road ahead, I just wish I could be there to meet her EN's.

SWW

Sticking my nose on this thread - there are definately some heart break stories in the 'house of broken dreams' but there are success stories as well.

Here are some examples - mywifeilove is good one.

dazednconfusedks is one long and tortuous plan A but gives a good example of compartmentalization and patience during plan A.

Even though Hopethisworks went into plan B - he is in my opinion a success story because he went from the bowels of heck and took control of his life. Recovering will be or not be according to his decision now.

Wanted to add Toomuchtoosoon did a great job of plan A and made some key strategic moves to save his marriage.

Your situation is tough because of the difficulty of meeting any ENs due to distance. Hang in there.

rwinger,

thanks for chiming in, i really need to read a few success stories. I was getting really depressed there for awhile. I'll do a search for those tomorrow.

My WW is so mean to me these days, trying to bait me into fights etc. acting nice, then estranged. I know the syptoms are typical, they do make it tough don't they.

Physical attractiveness is one of my top EN's so i try to imagine her with a disfigured face, sick, but makes me feel better.

Yeah, that's kind of sick...but whatever creams your twinkie, right? These are tough times and you have to get through them however you can. Just keep thinking of this as an investment that will pay off in time.

You are doing a great job. When she baits you and you want to yell and scream at her...come here and vent. That way you get it out (so you don't internalize it) and you don't make things worse between the two of you.

HTM

Stone cold silence from WW for a close to 2 days. Tried calling last night no answer. She emailed me for money this AM.

I think she is anticipating that I will see her cell phone bill tomorrow and that in fact she was still talking with him and sleeping with him when she said she wasn't. I think she is preparing for an angry outburst from me.

It is easy to see the nights she went to his place. calls in the AM, then followed by late afternoon calls, calls to the house and kids around 7PM, and then blackout until the next AM when she normally is on her phone a few times until 10PM or so.

I am planning to say absolutely nothing! If I am angry, i will let it pass and then pretend I haven't even looked if she asks. I can already hear her voice, "so I guess you went online to "analyze" my cell phone didn't you?"

ME: No, i didn't, I just paid the bill.

This plan A stuff, once you get used to doing it gets easier, but it still takes some real concentration and burying of emotions.

Is plan A about ignoring her blatant boinking of another man, not confronting her in any way and even REWARDING her by being nice to her??????

I dont think so!

No.

If she's still in contact, you are allowed to be PO! You're allowed to let her know that you are very hurt by her continued choice to cheat on you.

IF you find out that she has still been in contact, you expose to EVERYONE. Call his GF right away. And everyone else too.

When do you get that job close to home?

If she's still in contact, you are allowed to be PO! You're allowed to let her know that you are very hurt by her continued choice to cheat on you.

Yes, I agree with MM. You are not only ALLOWED but you are REQUIRED to confront. Otherwise your wife will treat you bad like she is now, thinking you are a weak wimp. Just because she is attractive does not mean you can let her walk all over you like you are DIRT.

Please dont wimp out here.

Stellakat, MM,

whew,

thanks for waking me up! I am sorry, I don't know WHAT I was thinking!

Last night and yesterday were terrible days for me emotionally. I guess that can affect your thinking and the way you make decisions.

Thank you, of course I will be PO'd!

"When do you get that job close to home? "

Should hear something about an interview soon. Hopefully very soon. If neither pans out I'll keep sending out resumes but will take the gig a couple of hours from home that is already on the table starting in Sep.

Stellakat/MM et al.

Got the Sprint Phone Bill just now. There has been no contact from any phones in our group since she told me the last time happened.

Thought about her having another phone, it's possible, but when I told her I busted her i did not tell her i had access to phone records and she continued to talk on her cellphone to him for 3 weeks after first dday. She did not know that I had access to phone records until 4 July weekend, so if she was still having contact I would have expected a precipitous drop right then and there.

I guess this is a bit of good news.

Now if I can get her to stop being mad at me for scaring off the OM...

Obviously this is a good thing. I wouldn't try too hard to look for an implausible way that she is communicating with OM. Watch HER and her actions...those will be the best clues.

I think she is just going through withdrawals. It's tough, but withdrawals don't last forever. Just keep working your Plan A. There are so many people who have been through what you are going through and have made it to the other side. You can do it.

HTM