I got the Master's decision today and I'm ok with it overall. Here's the basics:

Kids go to school in WV (this part I don't like).

BUT

I get the kids 3/4 weekends a month from Friday night through Monday morning when I'll drop them off at WV daycare.

I get them 4/5 weekends a month on month's with 5 weekends.

She gets final decision authority on school and daycare issues and discipline.

I get final decision authority on religious issues.

I get every Easter.

I get every Ash Wednesday.

Health decisions to be shared equally.

I get the kids on school holidays in November of this year.

Holidays are split.

Summer time: I get the kids during the week. She gets them every other weekend. She gets two non consecutive weeks of vacation in the summer time. So I basically get the entire summer and can pick a daycare for the kids for the summer.

The fact that I have the summer months and will pick a daycare will be factored when calculating CS.

We're required to meet in a public place for the exchange of the kids on my Fridays if I choose not to pick them up from WV. She must bring them to the agreed upon location by 7 PM.

That's pretty much it.

All in all, not too bad. I get a significant amount of time with the kids under this arrangement. It isn't 50/50, but it's not bad. It's certainly ok for where they are right now in their age and things can change as they get older and start making their own decisions.

Other than the fact that they go to WV, I'm ok with this.

It will make dating a little difficult since I will be with the kids most weekends, but that's not a big deal. I'm not in a relationship right now anyways and it's not a priority for me.

But this arrangement will let me pick some summer bible school courses or communion prep or sports for them and I can spend the entire summer talking to them in Spanish as well as weekends.

There are places I was criticized fairly, but so was she.

I can spend a good amount of time with the kids and teach them both their religion and Spanish.

What do you guys think?

Given: she's a exww. I know how all of you feel about WSes getting kids.

Thanks for faithfully keeping is updated, POM.

All in all, sounds like things went pretty well. I'm sorry the school issue didn't work out as you had hoped, though. How long does it take to drive from where you live to where WW will be? (I think you told us before but I can't seem to find that info.)

When will the CS be calculated?

And BTW, please don't feel pressed to answer questions that might work against you, as I'm sure "The Opposing Team" may read here for a while to come.

You seem to have a great attitude and that is worth so much! Your children are lucky to have a caring father with a positive outlook on life.

Hey man.. I know I don't post to you much.. but this is a small victory at least. If it's temporary, make the most of it, and keep shooting for more.

I know I don't need to tell you, but document everything.. every misstep she makes can help you.

Praying for you bro.

I think this is the best decision the court could give you. It's not tremendous but it's certainly better than I expected given all I know about your case (modifying a consent order is very tough). Be proud of yourself.

If you calculate the actual hours you spend with them when they are not stuck in some daycare or school, you're actually going to have more time with them than her which is great for those kids. Wayward households are deseased corrupt places and they are going to need as much time as possible with you to counter-balance that.

Be mindful that YOU are going to be their only true moral compass for the rest of their lives. They've got one corrupt parent so you must be mindful of your morals. No women spending the night. No inappropriateness. etc.

Since you will be getting summers, you MAY want to consider some seasonal extra-job you can do to earn extra money that won't interfere with your summers with the kids. Something you can do weeknights during the winter to keep you busy and out of trouble. The fight likely won't be over forever. This was a round 5 victory, but they'll be more battles to come and your war chest needs replenishing. Plus...YOU need money to someday retire, etc. for yourself. For example, maybe the night shift at the local bowling alley (I say that because the summers are dead at bowling alleys) or seasonal help at the mall. It may be beneath your abilities but, hey, it's extra cash and no pressure.

I'm happy for you but still sad for you and those kids. You and they didn't deserve what she did to y'all.

and....
if SHE reads this...
she can kiss my ______. Unrepentent adulteress.

This may be the first of many consequences that WILL befall her. Bet on it. At least the kids are less likely to be around her when the other ones hit.

Mr. Wondering

I am most sincerely happy for you Papa. You basically scored the entire summer with your kids. This a incredible. the amount of time you get to spend with them on weekends is invaluable. WV is not TOO far away.

It sounds like a good settlement for now. HOPEfully, you will be able to show that you are a more stable solution in those kids lives for the future. Your xWW is darn lucky that you are there to pick up the pieces that she created.

Thanks, everyone. I appreciate the kind words. It could have been worse.

There were mistakes I made and things I forgot to state that could have made the difference on the school issue, but that's ok.

WV is 40 miles away. So the bad part is that that is an extra 120 miles per week I have to drive that I don't have to right now.

But the summer is a huge thing. I can do things with the kids, teach them Spanish, enroll them in programs to supplement the terrible WV school system.

Mr. W, your suggestion of a night job has crossed my mind, but I have one better for you: lessons of some sort (guitar comes to mind) and, you'll love this one: Law school!

Looking into it as a possibility.

I feel like things can only go up from here.

Yes, there are some issues I haven't posted and won't since there is a hearing on the 5th coming up to determine CS and how legal fees will be paid.

Another good development: We've been ordered to go to parenting classes with new parenting coordinators.

I'm in a much different place now than I was a year ago, so this is a good thing as well because I was still dealing with the emotions of everything when we went to see the PC last time. Totally different place now than then. I'm not dealing with anger. I feel acceptance, if anything. And I've read a lot about communicating which will help as well.

Yes, a trial is coming up, but odds are they will stick to what was just ordered unless something drastic happens or we settle for something different between us.

We'll have to see.

Again, thanks to all. I'm not jumping for joy (because WV schools are terrible) but I'm at peace with the outcome because it's more time than I have right now and solid quality time in the summer for the kids, my family, and myself and I have most of the weekends of the year to teach them their faith.

Sounds like a pretty good deal. Here's some food for thought on the schools. We have some friends who are 2nd generation Korean, and some who are 2nd generation Vietnamese. In both households, the kids come home from school, eat a snack, and then they all sit down at the kitchen table. For 2 to 3 hours, every week night, they do homework. If they finish their homework, they find more work in their books or in workbooks to do, to reinforce the lessons they're learning. If they finish that, and their brothers or sisters are still working on their own stuff, the older ones help the younger ones with homework or practicing.

Needless to say, this same school district, which puts out hundreds of dropouts and failing students, is able to produce many such families whose kids make straight As and go on to win scholarships, earn degrees, have great lives.

The difference? These kids reinforce their school with extra work. Something you can easily do on the weekends. get the reinforcement out of the way each Saturday morning, enjoy the rest of the weekend.

Anyway you cut it you still scored big by keeping the kids for the summer and most weekends. The lessions you teach them will guide them the rest of there lives. Keep the faith and God bless you and the kids.

I will look for ways to supplement the second worst school system in the country. Every report I read says that MD is awesome in every way. 2nd nationally in AP testing. 3rd Overall in the nation after Massachussets and NY. WV? Near the bottom.

BUT this can be overcome with "re-enforcement" on Saturday mornings and summer education to supplement.

I'll encourage lots of reading and special concentration on Math. I hated Math growing up but I see now how those things could have really helped me as a pilot and in other fields.

But the overall decision is satisfactory except for the school thing. I have some minor quibbles or things I want cleared up, but it's overall very fair.

Take them to the bookstore, and let them each pick out their own workbook (there are tons of them), and they can work through them each weekend with you. My D17 loved picking out workbooks so much that she often spent her allowance on them.

Great advice for all: Don't get serious with anyone till after College is over.

If you're a pilot, wait till you've "done your time" up front before looking to get married. Things settle down when you get to your late twenties, which is a great time to look to settle down anyways.

Seems like the brain is mature by then for both men and women to make smarter choices about life and mates.

Never turn away from God. Doing so didn't work well for my family. We turned away for a time.

So there you have it. My big message to the kids: Be proud book worms! Play sports! Read a lot! Be altar boys and girls!

And do it in Spanish when at my place.

Congratulations Pom! That was quite a ride for you. Enjoy the added time with your kids.

Did your WxW's A introduce MB at all during the hearing?

The school system in FL is horrible as well. That's why we home school. If your interested in some home school programs as a supplement let me know.

He tried to use MB at my deposition.

He may try again. I don't know. I know they read my posts.

Thing is, I could be pomdbd3's brother in California, or his sister in Costa Rica, or his step mother in Indiana simply posting thoughts about life and marriage and MB and he can't prove any different.

Heck, I think that I may give my username and password to some fellow MBers to make all kinds of postings.

Good idea actually.

I also think I may change my screen name four or five more times.

It really doesn't matter in the end. They're not going to take children away from their father because he posts about infidelity and his experiences with it on an anonymous forum.

Courts are too busy to care about this stuff and care about bigger issues.

I saw this first hand. They didn't care about medical records from 10 years ago. They didn't care that I was the greatest Boy Scout in the world growing up.

They didn't care that the ex cheated.

That stuff isn't important.

Stability, attitude towards family, openness, flexibility, demeanor. These are things that matter.

You did GREAT!!!
You'll have the kids during most of their free time.
You're the one that they'll actually interact with, who'll know their thoughts and attitudes, and who they'll be comfortable confiding in.

Regarding schools - I have a family member who went to a pretty bad school in Georgia. Was in beta club, graduated high (though not top) of her class, went to college on an academic scholarship, got a master's degree summa cum laude, and is doing great in the job world.

I have another family member who is in a terrible WV school and she earned a gold medal in the National Latin Examination (even though it's really a globally administered exam). She's still in school and if she continues like she's going now, she'll have her pick of colleges to attend.

You get out of schools what you put into them, really. Sure there will be some idiot teachers that make you wonder how they remember to breathe, and your kids' education will suffer in that subject for that year but overall they'll be fine and they'll have a better idea of what real life and the real world is like. Your kids are going to be fine.

Felicitaciones!

Oh, you can also schedule one vacation day every month and make appointments to meet with all their teachers. Get to know them, get them to know you, know you're interested. You wouldn't believe how excited teachers get when a parent actually gets that involved. It's so rare nowadays, especially when they get to junior high and high school. D17's school has 4000 kids, and fewer than 100 parents attend PTA meetings; heck, probably fewer than 50. Anyway, they'll give you syllabuses (syllabi?) of the work they'll be doing that month, keep you up to date, exchange emails with you...all up to you. And you'll be the hero of the schools.

Papa! How fantastic. I think it was very fair- and I think it's hilarious she has to meet you on Fridays.

All summer?? How sweet is that!!!

Wonder if your WW's attorney would like to include this thread in his court documents??? I'm like Mr. W. You can kiss my _________ if so.

Thanks, coach. They submitted your opinion on a thread from long ago. Funny how they haven't introduced all the supportive and good ones but only focus on the critical ones. I wonder why. :RollieEyes:

Thank God for the return of RollieEyes!

I just caught up with my old attorney. We're on good terms.

It's funny, she went up against Darth WHNACG in another case. Turns out that she thinks very poorly of him (seems to reflect the opinion of my current attorney).

She said that he wasted a lot of time and money and lots of Hollywood antics that had no relevance to the case and she thought he was abrasive and a jerk. She also said he clearly didn't know what he was doing and had a poor understanding on how to practice family law. She said his abrasive antics impress no one in court and will likely backfire on him someday.

My family thinks he sucks and was a jerk and was comical in his theatrics.

Him: "I object!"
Master: "To what?"
Him: "Umm. Nevermind. Retracted."

My family laughed and laughed about this because he did it all the time.

Colonel I work for, "That guy is an abrasive [censored]."

Former lawyer of mine said what she said.

My attorney has her own thoughts.

For me, I say, "Nuts!" and thank the Bloody [censored] of Bastogne.

Hi pom,

I'm very happy to hear you get authority on religious decisions.

Also that you get Easter and Ash Wednesday!

Maybe you could get them in your religious ed course? I'm assuming you teach and they are entering 2nd grade? I'm catholic so when you mention communion I'm thinking sacrament.

Congratulations Pom! You should consider this a victory. As someone said earlier, you get the good time with the kids. She gets to do homework and put them to bed early. I bet you're glad this ordeal is over. Get some rest and take care of yourself!