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Joined: Aug 2008
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Yes i was there at his place that day with her n two of my wifes girlfriends. It was a late night bbq. so he invited all of us and he made sure she told her to make sure i was there.

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Originally Posted by GFORCE
Im glad i stopped this now cause if i hadnet, no telling where we would be in a few months.
On sun night i asked her " do u wanna work on this marriage" she said MAYBE. I was like what do u mean maybe?
She was like how we have grown distant n no longer have any shared interests etc n i agreed.Its when i asked her flat out if she was seeing this guy n she denied n i said i have evidence that they text alot n thats when she admitted they r just friends

Well if you want to work on the M read up on MB its a great place. If shes willing to work on the M she will go full force NC with this OM work and focus on the M.


Married 1996
4 wonderful children 16, 13 *OC*, 10, 7
FWW 30's
FWH 30's
My dday 1-2007 he came clean to me

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whats NC im new here lol

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She needs to no contact meaning she can not text this OM talk with the OM have anything to do with the OM. She needs to write a letter stating basically she and you are wanting to work on the marriage and there will be no more type of forms in contact with each other.


Married 1996
4 wonderful children 16, 13 *OC*, 10, 7
FWW 30's
FWH 30's
My dday 1-2007 he came clean to me

My story
New beginings
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Yes u are right. N i know ive made it harder now that she knows ill check phone statements for them to keep textn.Or calling.
It makes it harder to sustain an EA without phones to keep texting away stuff n the convenience of using cell phones to communicate in privacy and for hrs unlike at a work phone.
I believe they wont be able to sustain it.Im just wondering how within 2 weeks my wife had gotten into this EA. 2 weeks wow.

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Originally Posted by GFORCE
Yes when she told me she mentioned that i was the one uncomfortable i was taken aback cause the plan

This is about protecting her boundaries. A man has been calling and texting her inappropriately. She's allowed it to continue, and only requested him to stop when you discovered it, and even then she asked him to stop because YOU were not comfortable.

Sounds to me like if she's not having an A, she's definitely open to one. All it will take is an OM to push a bit further.




ManInMotion
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wow u think so?

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what surprised me is how close they had become in 2 weeks.I cant imagine if i was away for 2 months or hadnt known about it till 2 months later. She swears no sex happened n that only a deep friendship brought about by her n him havn similar interests n hobbies n workn on same project.

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WEe had a talk with her today n she wants me to be involved in her intersts n come volunteer at the productions.

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Originally Posted by A_pretty_face
Heres what Im thinking. She told OM to talk to you so it would calm you down. BIG flag there. I say she told OM to talk to you is because she shifted blame on you that your not comfortable with all the texting and talking. When in reality she should be doing that to you..not someone else. Does she really NEED to talk to him outside of rehearsal???

I think you nailed it pretty good here. Assuming there is nothing more here, there is still a problem as she's giving and getting attention from a man that isn't her husband, and it's pushing you away. You can't definitely call it an EA because in her mind, it means nothing and she has no intention of doing anything else, nor is she completely hiding it.

But you have to be insistent on this. She will tell you that jealousy is unattractive, she's hurt that you don't trust her. That's BS, it's not a matter of trust, as it's already been done.

Are you meeting her needs? I'm not saying this is your fault in anyway, but are you giving her the attention she needs?


Me 38
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DS 10,6
DD 4
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started on sunday to give her lotsa attention n sunday n last night we have had the best sex of our marriage.somehow i doubt she had sex.

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wat i dont know is if there was kissing etc. He had apparently mentioned to her of how i must be a very good husband to allow her out till that time of the night working on theater stuff n commented to her how he wouldnt allow his girl to do so. He asked her if i minded n my wife was like no i dont. This is what she told me today.It was apparently said one of those nights they worked late.

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Originally Posted by GFORCE
whats NC im new here lol

Seriously, are you READING what is being posted to you. I made a whole post about what NC (NO CONTACT) means a few posts back and then you ask this question.

We can help you, but only if you LISTEN and quit making excuses for your WW's actions.

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yes im very sorry sir, forgive me

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You don't have to apologize ... LOOK, we've all been where you are right now, and we know that you're mind is racing as you try to comprehend the incomprehensible.

UNDERSTAND ... your WW is having an AFFAIR ... she has admitted as much ... you just don't know if has went physical YET.

Go back ... RIGHT NOW ... and re-read this thread from start to finish and then ask questions about what you don't understand.

DON'T tell us what your WW SAID ... SHE'S IN AN AFFAIR, WHICH MEANS SHE'S LYING TO COVER FOR HER ACTIONS.

At this point, it's much more important to look at what she is doing, rather than what she is saying, because you simply can't believe a word that is coming from her mouth.

I know that's hard to believe, but trust us ... IT'S TRUE!!!

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Regardless of what has happened and what your wife says and in truth feels right now, there is concern here.

Plutonic friends can turn into more very easily. Don't let the compliments of how trusting you are make you doubt yourself on this. A dangerous situation is dangerous no matter how much everybody says they'll be careful.


Me 38
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DD 4
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Originally Posted by GFORCE
started on sunday to give her lotsa attention n sunday n last night we have had the best sex of our marriage.somehow i doubt she had sex.

SF shouldn't be used as a determination of whether or not she's cheating on you. We enjoyed the best SF in years before, during and after my FWW's A. She said afterwards that when she was with me, she was with me, and when she was with him, she was with him. Simple as that.



ManInMotion
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k ill keep a look out

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Originally Posted by GFORCE
k ill keep a look out

You need to do more than just "keep a look out" ... what are your thoughts about establishing a boundary of NC for life between the two of them???

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no rehearsals after 10 pm. no unnecessary phone communication

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