Look G,

Your wife IS ACTIVELY COMMITTING ADULTERY ON YOU.

She and that doucheb@g are making a fool of you.

Will you stand up for your marriage or not?

You need to act now!

Your story sounds exactly like mine. I did not follow my gut instincts at the time, and am now paying the price of trying to recover from my darling wife F-ing her co-worker in my house while I was at work trying to support her.

Don't "F" this up like I did.

Listen to MyRev. He knows what he's saying.

Texts? cell calls? Once my wife knew what I knew, she simply got a pre-paid phone. She started a secret email account to talk to [censored] HEAD. Once I discovered that she had him start a bogus MySpace account under a fictional name... It goes on and on.

He is trying to "F" her.
She is trying to "F" him.

It's probably already happening. She will lie, she will tell you what she needs to to get you off her @ss so she can give that same @ss up to her boyfriend.

Don't buy the bullsh!t.

Stand up for yourself, man.

Do NOT tell her what you know. She will use it to go further underground.

I struggled for months to get my wife to quit her job so they wouldn't see each other, was on her like glue, and trusted that she was at least safe at home with our 2yo son. Well guess what? She used my foolish trust and had him come over to our home while my son was there to "F" him.

Boy was I a fool.

Your Wayward Wife is spouting the same bullsh!t lines EVERY OTHER WW spouts. It's called rewriting history.

She has admitted that she told this knucklehead that you're having trouble in your marriage? He will take advantage of this and feed the lie to make you out to be the bad guy so he can CONTINUE TO BANG HER! WAKE UP, DUDE!!!

Don't allow this same [censored] to happen to you.

Hey G

We guys are generally pretty dumb when it comes to crystallizing the problem.

That why its great that you have come to the right place for help.

Lets look at the facts as you wrote 'em:

1. Frequent texting.
2. Alone time - even though there may have been others nearby.
3. Talked about marriage matters.
4. She changed the deal when speaking to OM regarding NC: Effectively she said that YOU'RE wanting NC, NOT her (as previously explained).
5. The OM invites you and WW to his BBQ so that he can still get his emotional "fix" with your wife.
6. Your W shows deference to OM at BBQ. This is intimate behaviour which flies in the face of your concerns.
7. Why did it become necessary for OM to text your W after the BBQ? This was a personal call. Were he at all concerned about your request to stop communicating, he could have called you. She also appeared not to relay this text to you and therefore has proved secretive.
8. You W begins to find fault in the marriage. Thus starts down the road of "entitlement" that will justify the affair.


I hear alarm bells when they talk about marriage issues. This is a feeler gambit that can say "There are things wonky in my marriage. What about yours?"

This condition opposes "Forsaking all others" in a marriage. I would contact your pastor and discuss this matter with him.

I would like to know if your W became at all tactile with OM. She may have touched his arm while making a point or hugged to say "Hello" or "Thanks". This might have happened away from your presence.

MB'ers here will advise you to EXPOSE, EXPOSE, EXPOSE.

Secretly contact OM's W and inform her of hubbies violation of telephonic contact agreement. He may have spun her a yarn about your previous encounter with him. You need to be ready then, to tell her about your W's sudden marital dissatisfaction and possible attraction to her husband.

Arrange a meeting with OM and OMW through his W. This meeting should be unexpected for him so that he has no time to collude with your W nor downplay the situation to advantage.

Now, at this meeting one need to find the extent of the affair (yes, it is an Emotional Affair -EA). Compare accounts of marriage topic. Enquire the extent of W's tactile exploration, etc.

Explain that a NC FOREVER policy is to be instituted. Establish that you would contact his wife if it became necessary. You might want to ask for a look at the nature of texts in the presence of his W.

Sorry that this post may be info overload (TMI) right now. By all means read the "Surviving an Affair" article here at this site.

This site still has a lot more to say. But later...

wow the more i talk with u guys the more i see more possibilities.This is all very possible i hadent thought about it.I spoke with him at 730 pm for 15 min n he assured me nothn was goin on n then he had to leave to attend to business. But 30 min later wife n i are shoppingn i i dunno why i suspect its him

G,

Check out this link>>>Not Just Friends

Take a close look at the Quizzes that are linked on the nav-bar. Try answering the questions for yourself and then do it again as best you can as if you were answering for your wife.

Maybe see if she will answer them for herself as well, but first, you analyze the answers as you think she would give them.

Also look at this from Steve Harley: What is an affair?

Mark

Nice quiz just took it answering it for wife n its like more than just friends.

she is supposed( if she gets someone to work for her) to leave for out of two for a friends baby shower(20 of them). She just mentioned that she thinks he will also be going. Is there any thing wrong if there will be 20 other ppl all going in a van.N offcourse being a church event the ladies will share rooms so there is no chance of adultery. But is there a chance of just them enjoying each others presence. She said " i think he might also be going."

You keep asking if just a little contact is ok. The answer is still a resounding no. No contact means no contact, period! Even if they don't talk, just seeing him will have her remembering all sorts of stuff they did/talked about.

You are walking on a razor thin line. Read and learn from all the other stories here. You are downright crazy if you let her leave town to go to an event at a hotel that he will be at.
If she asserts that she is going anyways, you go too.

That is a great idea! Your marriage survived the game of chicken before, why not again? I doubt you'll get hit if you keep running out in traffic. Heck, the car missed you the last 20 times, right? That is a great way to keep the OM top of mind so she continues to think about him.

Hey, I know people who have survived Russian Roulette! Its not nearly as dangerous as we think... I think an out of town trip with the OM will be a good test of her trustworthiness!

The reason i put this scenarios to you, like the out of town trip is for ur repsonse. I want to get all ideas and suggestion son cheating tactics n i am getting them n im thankful.
I mentioned she should really go for this trip n that i trust her even if she went with him(luring the animal into the trap) n she said" oh i think they(him n i dunno who else) will be going too".
I wanna know, this being a church event with women from church there, n women sharing hotel rooms, how will they do anythn?

So what you're saying Mel is that there's a chance....

This is the best idea I have seen for a while.

Just make plans to go with her. Tell her it will be a special weekend for the two of you.

Bet she decides not to go if you insist on going too.

But first, she'll have 10000 reasons why you shouldn't go along. (You don't really know anyone like she does. You would just be board. You don't have to give up your time to be alone and do as you please while she is gone... Bet I can come up with more, if you'd like me to try)

Then she'll do a bunch of stuff to piss you off and if you take the bait, then she'll be going to get away from you while you're acting crazy. But if you can remain calm and stick to your guns that she is your wife and you want to go just to be there for her, she will likely eventually give up and decide not to go...
And if she stays home, she will be moody, sullen, withdrawn and a total b*tch the whole time...Until OM contacts her again that is.

OR...

She'll blow up. Call you all sorts of names and run off early to get a start on the weekend with OM.

Don't take my word for it, play it out and see what happens.

Anybody want to start a pool?

Oh, and the church thing? Seen way too many affairs that started in church for that to matter. It was Dr Harley's pastor's wife's affair that caused him to begin marriage counseling.

Mark

If you are this clueless about your wife, I suggest you start developing bi-sexual tendencies since your wife is sure to come home one night fresh from rutting with her friend...with your blessing.

WAKE UP....your wife is having an affair. OF COURSE you do not permit any contact. OF COURSE an overnight trip is a ridiculous idea.

WAKE UP....read what is being written to you...or develop a taste for men.

If this hasnt been answered yet.... Honestly WHat do you think???? If you tell her that and if hes going boom you have a full A going right there WITH YOUR PERMISSION. He doesnt need to be going to a baby shower... If its church ladies then y is he going???

GForce,

Because this is a church activity does NOT make it "affair-free safe".

My uncle was a minister. He was having an affair with the church organist (no pun intended ), while my Aunt, his W, sat in the front row pew with their children. When my Aunt took his clerical robe to the cleaners she found that the notes he & this woman were passing during the church service were NOT about the next song.

GForce, you MAY be right. It MIGHT not be a PA (physical affair) yet. But it seriously DOES sound like an EA (emotional affair). Those red flags are flapping LOUD! Listen to them!!

Tell us alittle about you & your W (wife). How long have you been married? How old are you both? Kids? How was the marriage before your suspicions?

Well married 2 yrs.No kids. Marriage was good n okay before this.She had mentioned to me about this trip two days ago.So i spoke with her n told her its okay.She says she needs someone to work for her cause if she doesnt find someone then she will not be going.So imentioned that i trust her n i believe nothn is going on with her n him.I said even if he is going, she can go with him, n she said " i think they(him n i dunno who else)will be going too.Its a surprise baby shower for a sister of a lady from our church.My wife is going cause she grew up with the lady who is giving birth.My wife says its 20 ppl going n they getting a van.Women n men.Ill be out of town helping a friend move. But thats all dependent on if she gets a replacement at work.If she doesnt then shes home all weekend.Im just luring her into a trap , not that im naive.So dunno if she will go or remain here

I said nearly the same thing to my wife after I discovered over 150 text messages between her and a coworker. It just went further underground after she figured out I had access to her phone records. I still don't know if it was physical at that point, but it certainly went physical.


Why on earth would you try and trap your wife like this, rather than act to prevent the affair from progressing. Who wins in this scenario?

You are setting your marriage up for failure. Either you go together or she doesn't go. Is helping your friend move really more important than your marriage?

Wanna bet!!!

You are VERY naive ... and on top of that you are being played for a FOOL by your WW.

... and quit with the nonsense about it being safe because it is with a church group. Read around here a little and you'll see that churches are a breeding ground for adultery.

Furthermore, once you allow yourself to admit that your WIFE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR ... considering that you're only 2 years into this M with no kids ... my BEST advice is to run as fast away from this woman as you can and start a new and better life with someone TRUSTWORTHY.

We can't MAKE you do anything, but there was a reason that you sought out advice from an infidelity forum. QUIT listening to your heart, and start paying attention to what your GUT is telling you ... it is by far the better barometer of what's going on.

Yeah sure let her go.. and if the OM is in the group probally expect something to happien.

You shouldnt lure someone you love into a trap. Thats not love. Thats stupidity.

Open up your eyes. Shes found another male to do things with. She isnt doing them with you. Would she like you going off to the club every night by yourself with all the pretty ladies there tempting you? I dont think so....

She has sought out another male companion to do things with. YOU should be that male companion not the OM. You are allowing her to be with this OM. You should be going to the baby shower with her not this OM.

How are you luring her into a trap when you are not going to be there to spring it??