[font:Comic Sans MS][/font] I have been married a little over a year now I love my wife dearly she says I have been verbaly abusive to her and every one in the family. In late june I blew my stack and screamed and hollered at her and her mother about how much money I bring in and how much money is leaving the account I am not on the account its her and her mom only so I have no access except online to check balances and since then she has backed off its been 2 months and we are in seperate rooms in the house she says she loves me but if you love some one you don't do that and the bible states that she has become very mean and always blames me for everything I have threatened divorce and she says that is your excuse everytime. I am afraid to put my check in the bank anymore she always ask how much was your check did you put it in we havent talked about bills and they are falling behind my ship is sinking and I am rearranging furniture on the titanic. SHe has been in and out of the hospital since 8-5-08 with belly surgery on her small intestines and she blames me for that says it's my fault she told me to get counceling for my anger and her mother living here doesnt help she always takes her side and never listens to me when I see a problem. I question her about money and why checks are always written to her and no bills are paid and I get the third degree what should I do......I want it to work but I think there is more to this and she is hidding something our children have already been through a bad divorce before I don't want to see that happen to them again... Please Help.......

Since she says she's unhappy, she shouldn't have a problem going to a marriage counselor with you. Your problems sound like they're mainly because the two of you don't know how to negotiate and talk together. The counselor will help you with that. Please go!

And for the immediate, read up here about Love Busters. No matter how much you feel you're right and she's wrong, it does no good to try to 'win.' Your job for today is to read about Love Busters. Ask her to fill out the questionnaire here about LBs so you can learn exactly what you do that ticks her off. Once you know that, STOP DOING THEM! I know you'll be thinking why should I, but trust me on this. YOU have to stop LBing her. After that, we'll work on something else (Emotional Needs).

What if the spouse doesn't want to change? My wife never grew up... was the product of divorced parents as a child, and never honored authority. She disobeyed her stepdad, disobeyed orders while in the military and was busted down a rank, and at 30 years old still cannot accept responsibility for her actions and makes excuse after excuse.

This seems to be a rampant problem with women nowdays... Maybe I've never found ones who were raised more like myself... It is so hard to deal with.

If I could find a way to get my wife "unstuck", things would be easier... but the other person has to share a desire to change rather than to blame the problem on the other spouse.